Pearls of Wisdom

Something New

2012-02-11T08:08:00.001-07:00

I found a new inspiring blog today....well yesterday really. My cousin told me about it. After I get all of my posts out of the 'draft' stage, you'll see why I find her so inspiring! Go ahead and check her out! I am refreshed by her honesty and the fact that she writes what she is actually thinking and not what she should be thinking.

Thank you Tracy for pointing me towards Glennon.

Death Stage

2011-12-18T09:03:00.000-07:00

Its interesting to me that I look at everything in stages. Terrible two's, dating, marriage, having kids, etc. Even being part of the sandwich generation can be considered a stage. Referring to these milestone events in our lives as stages implies that at some point we will be through the stage eventually, or that we have moved past the last stage.

Well I'm at the "my friends husband passed away" stage. I actually thought I would have gray hair long before I saw this stage begin, or that it would be someone's aging parent before it would be someone my age. When I was 14 my dad passed away suddenly, so this is not my first dance with loss that is so close. In order to make myself feel a bit better, I remember thinking my dad lived a good life so if he had to go.....he was 38! When I turned 38 and my daughter was 14 it really made me think about how young my dad really was and how naive I was. It also helps me put into perspective just what my daughter thinks of me now.

Today I am profoundly sad. Art was a good man. Seriously. I met him 16 years ago when our daughters were born and a group of us women with new babies would meet once a week to share in the "stages" of our children's growth. Rolling over stage, holding head up stage, sitting up, solid food, crawling and walking stage. There were 11 of us and we kept meeting, even after some went back to work, and continued sharing more stages of our kids growth and family life with each other. That is how I met Art, once a year we would have a family picnic, party or event and invite the dad's to participate with us. More recently though, Art became the soccer coach for my girls! Sherwood Park is a big enough place that all of our kids could go to different schools and not run into one another, until you got to high school that is, but how cool is it that one of our parents from our mom's group would coach my kids!

Art not only coached the kids, he cheered for the parents. He was like our own personal 'Sport Select' adviser. He got into the game, he got you into the game, he cheered for the bench mom's?! He really was a good man. Now he is gone and I have entered this new stage in my life sooner than I thought I would. I can't imagine my life without my husband, I can't imagine my kids not having their dad, I can't imagine all of the things he would miss out on if he wasn't here. I can't stop crying. What am I supposed to take home from this? Live every moment like it's your last....or love as hard as you can because it might not last....or maybe some other cliche? For now I'm hanging in there with the belief that God will use this. For we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love Him, who have been called according to His purpose (Romans 8:28). Do I think God did this? No. But He knew before Art took his first breath as a baby that this day would be his last so I think He has put a few things into motion in anticipation of the approaching day.

Things like New Mom's group. He knew that Art's wife would need support. Prayer support, family support, friendship support, and lately support in the form of distraction to just take a break from the seriousness of what she was facing. Things like Godly, praying fathers on the soccer team Art coached who came to his side in his last days to help him not fear death but instead feel joy in knowing where he was going and that we would all see him again. Where, O death, is your victory? Where, O death, is your sting? (1Cor. 15:55). Maybe the fact that my dad died when I was so young means I can relate to Art's daughter, and can be a form of support to his wife knowing what stages her kids will go through.

Thank you God that I had the opportunity to meet and know Art, that my kids learned from such and awesome, inspiring soccer coach and that we will all get through this together. Thank you Lord that because of the stages we are all in, we will tell our husbands and our fathers and brothers how much we love them and are thankful for having them in our lives. You will be missed Arthur, but never forgotten or left behind. You are the Art of soccer in us all.

A Hostage Taking

2011-11-16T17:02:00.001-07:00

When I was in junior high and high school, I felt like I needed to watch my step, watch my words, watch my attitude and just be more likable for my friends. Always walking on eggshells to make sure I fit in, not enough to blend but not so much I stand out.

Now that I am a mom of teenage girls....nothing has changed.

Disappointing isn't it? Were you waiting for the great silver lining and growth speech about how I've overcome and am stronger now? You are not going to find it here. That is a different story on a different blog somewhere else. I'm sure I've even read it in the hopes that I would be that person. But no, I am weak.

Now I watch my step and my words, my attitude and likeability around my daughters. I just don't want to be THAT mom. I wanna be cool in their eyes, I want to be respected for being myself, and most of all I want to be someone my girls want to be around. But, I only want to be me and not any one else.

Hang on.....how old am I?

Right. I'm 40.

In being the person I want to be for my girls, with my girls, around my girls, there are so many landmines to avoid. I know I can't be their friend and their mom. While I raise them, I am their mom. Once my job "raising" is finished then I can be more of a friend. I find myself in a middle/gray area though. While I am listening to the stories that come and go in my home, with friends and about friends, as a mother I find I want to have an opinion and even plant a few good seeds of advice here and there. But I have to pick which seeds to plant when. Girls can be so fickle!

Hence the hostage taking. I've been told they won't tell me anything any more if I insist on speaking! There are some things I just don't want to know, but I can't exactly choose AFTER I've heard the stories. Oh but God I pray. I pray for the friend who keeps sleeping with all the different boys she's not dating, I pray these girls would be strong enough to stand up for themselves, and I pray they would respect themselves and their bodies. I pray they would find someone who would respect them even when they are not respecting themselves, someone who would love them for who they are and not who they are trying to be. I cry for these girls and they don't even know it. God please protect them and love them.

It is a horrible hostage taking, but if not me......then who?

Freedom

2011-11-11T06:00:00.000-07:00

Can you think of someone right now that you cannot stand to be around? What about those hooligan teenagers who insist on graffiti in the wee hours of the morning? Doesn't it make you angry that there are those who willingly drink and drive? Murder? Steal? Molest? Lie? Do you know of a person who is wasting their life with addictions? Think of all those kids who ran away from home because they felt they were unjustly treated and then joined gangs for a sense of belonging. Some of them actually were treated poorly, but that is not who I am referring to. I want you to think about the people who are selfish in this world and can think of nothing other than "what do I want, and how can I get it" no matter the cost to anyone else. I want you to think about the lowest of the low, those that we judge, those we avoid.

Feeling angry yet?

Don't you just sometimes wish that all that 'crap and filth' would be washed off the face of the earth?

Now think about this:

Our Canadian soldiers are somewhere else a world away fighting for the freedom that the above mentioned people are taking advantage of and taking for granted. People I don't even know and have never met are willing to die for a freedom I have lived with all of my life. Could you die for someone you didn't know? Could you die for someone you thought was the scum of the earth?

Think about what is important to you today. What do you value. Someone is going to die in a war on foreign soil so that you can argue with a sister, brother or friend over whose parenting is superior. A family you've never met is going to mourn the loss of a soldier you've never seen, but died so that you can hold a grudge against others for hurt feelings, for words or actions that scarred, and for the forgiveness you are neither willing to give or receive.

A child barely old enough to leave home is on his way to fight in a war he believes in, and may even die, so you can overindulge, shout obscenities to the driver who cut you off, look the other way or cross the street when a homeless person approaches. A woman will leave her husband and children behind to fight so the world can be a better place to raise OUR children and we will put them in day-cares. I'm not talking about necessity here, I am talking about the American dream.

I don't understand true freedom, because I have never experienced true bondage. My children are free to walk where ever they please with out fear of land-mines, bombs, ethnic cleansing, militia, or gun toting soldiers in our streets. Life as we know it is not at all difficult. We have shelter, we have food, we have friends we can trust, we have clean water and clean air. We have everything we need, and yet still find we are dissatisfied. Only enough to complain though, not enough to do anything about it.

To the soldiers who have lived and died to fight for this freedom, please forgive me. Forgive me for taking for granted everything you have sacrificed, while I think about how to get what I want without sacrificing anything. Forgive me for the days when I don't want to do anything at all. For anyone. Forgive me that I don't even know all of your names and yet you died for me. Please accept my humblest apologies on behalf of those who would use their freedom, the freedom you are giving them, to kill, steal, and destroy.

For all of my Canadian soldiers, you are not forgotten. I am praying for all of you. I am thankful for you.

Your living, fighting, and dying is not in vain.

For the rest of all the Canadians who need to be reminded that today is Remembrance Day, how are you choosing to live your freedom?

{this is a previous post, but still rings true}

The Perfect Wretch

2011-10-24T06:30:00.000-06:00

I am shocked when I go back and look at some of the things I have written. Having time to lounge in my favorite chair, with no immediately pressing needs, I came across one of my older posts. I read it and thought "who in the world wrote that?"

In perusing my own opinions, I see just how crazy I am, and admit to being pleasantly surprised that I still agree with my old self on how I see it. There are times though when I read and wonder how do others see it?! I have voraciously consumed many blogs, and stopped following many more, because I just couldn't stand to hear how the writers were dealing with issues in their lives so positively, so dripping with scripture, so simple it made me gag. It would start with a story of an unknown friend having some misfortune or complaining only to be followed by the advice of how the writer handles those situations. It almost always came across to me a little "Holier than thou" and I just couldn't stand it. A little too much "those complaining women are doing it wrong....this is how it should be done....so sayeth the bible and so do-eth me."

Ummm, a little too cynical and sarcastic?

Well I am having to admit that when I read my archived posts, it comes across, even to me, a little too much like I have the answer you all need as well. What has been neglected to be explored is the everyday monotony that leads up to the epiphanies I end up sharing. It is only meant to be a little wisdom gained through experience that I get excited about, but if you follow here regularly it might get annoying.

On the other hand, I don't want to use my blog as a place to rant and complain. Let's refer to it more like my Psalms.

Maybe it would help you to know that I don't clean my "castle" for my king {a bit more of a jester really} the way it sounds in the above mentioned blog post. I used to be a get it all done on Monday
kind of girl, but now I feel like it's a little more see if I can even get it done once a month! kind of girl. I can wander around my house stepping over mounds of laundry, brushing dust bunnies with my toes as I walk from room to room wondering what I should do that day. It even overwhelms me, especially if my mother in law or sister in law, or even my own mom shows up! Their houses are always ship shape, no ironing to be done, windows washed, dishwasher emptied and not a dust bunny to be seen for miles. I'm intimidated - but I don't do anything about it.

I'm embarrassed to admit that my kids are most proud of me when I spend some time having some wine with friends, because I am usually a very uptight person. I hate how uptight I am, I over think everything including each glass of wine. Yes I pray to God AND I drink wine. There, I'm not a perfect Christian, not even close. I feel like I fail at everything from parenting, to marriage, to friendship and most certainly being the Proverbs 31 woman who has it all together. I am not her.

I don't take advice well, and I am not afraid of confrontation {until later when I analyze it all again, and fall into a guilt ridden mental berating of my never ending ruminations}, and I have a real bad habit of believing everyone else knows what they are talking about ALL THE TIME! I compare myself to those around me whether good or bad, and I always give myself a failing grade. Oh, and I secretly judge others, I don't even realize I'm doing it. At first I think that a person is nice but makes poor choices so I don't associate or will dissuade my kids from spending too much time. Then I will hear they are Christians and think, OH! they are just like the rest of us trying to live a life but making mistakes, and and so I'm accepting. Unless, they continue down the same mistake riddled road where begin to wonder "are they REALLY Christian?" Sometimes I only shower every second day because it is just too much trouble to do my hair. BAM! You know just about everything, please don't use it against me.

In all of that refuse, I am leaking pieces of the real me to whomever graces my thoughts with minds of their own. It is simply a part of daily trying to accept I AM who God made me, in spite of my insistence I should keep trying to undo His creation to make it into something better. Not better than anyone else, just better than me (see above flaws I keep trying to correct). I can make myself feel just a little better knowing that Moses was a murderer, Abraham a liar, Jacob a thief, David an adulterer, Paul a little like Hitler doing God's work, Peter a coward, and every single one of them more important in God's story than the perfect pharisee's who usually didn't even have a name!

Amazing Grace....that saved this disheveled, messy, crazy, unimportant, insecure, self loathing wretch like me. Wisdom {or opinion-like ranting} and all.

Life Imitates High School

2011-10-10T06:30:00.000-06:00

I was going back over some old posts to use as fodder for my musings and came across a post I did recently, and can now add to. In it I was basically saying boys and girls cannot be friends, and I am still in agreement with myself!

Most recently, I had a conversation with my oldest daughter about a boy she dated for a while but knew he was not the one for her. She loved him, and loved being with him, but she was not IN love with him and only wanted to be friends.

Can't be done I say.

He will tell her that he is okay with being friends as long as they can hang out. He will tell her he is happy for her that she found another to make her happy and he will stand by her side and support her. He will be her shoulder to cry on when things aren't going well, and her cheerleader when she's on cloud nine. If only he can be near her. In truth he is just waiting for her to see he stood by her through thick and thin, and that one day she will see he is the only one for her. It is painful for him, and it will be unfair for her to let it happen.

Unless of course, he finds someone and moves on.

But I've come to see that high school does in fact reflect the rest of life, because these things are not just happening in high school, they are happening every day, every decade after high school as well. A few months ago I was at an evening party down the road from home. The stupid conversations that come up while people are drinking, never cease to amaze me. I'm not one to jump around a party like a social butterfly making my way from one entertaining morsel of enlightenment to another. You'll find me cozied up on a couch, sitting at a table, or on the deck in deep convos about the meaning of life. You can really understand what people are thinking when they tell you their version of the meaning of life!

Anyway, a friend of mine (a girl) and I were talking about dating, high school romance, love, and marriage. What did she want for her kids, and what did I want for mine. Others around gravitated to the conversation and occasionally continued to drift back away, just not stimulating enough. But one gentleman (and I use the word loosely) stuck it out in the conversation. I was intrigued to hear what he thought from a guy's perspective, it's what I do, I gather information....until he said "I mean, I love my wife and kids.....but don't you ever wonder what it would have been like, or would be like now, with someone else?" RED FLAG, RED FLAG, RED FLAG!

NO! I DON'T WONDER! I confessed that when I was first married my thoughts wandered about whether or not I made the right decision, was I really in love, why can't my husband be more like....(fill in the blank). But I also stated that I now work very hard at not letting those thoughts ever creep into my mind, don't even let them get a foothold, and it is work but the payoff is insurmountable. I want my heart to flutter when it's my husband I see unexpectedly walking through a door when I wasn't expecting him, it's my husband that I want to go home to when I've been away, and it's him I want to come home TO ME when he has been away as well. He is my forever guy and I intend to make sure it stays that way, as much as it is up to me. To which this dude replied "either your lying or you are a freak of nature."

So I say it again, girls and boys cannot be friends. What starts out as friendship can lead to what-if. Maybe you think it could never happen to you or that you would never do anything like that. It's true, maybe you wouldn't, but maybe the person you are friends with would! Don't think you know what everyone thinks either. The guy I talked to? I know him and his wife very well, even went to their wedding. I'm sad that in his eyes she will never measure up, she will never be his one and only, I'm sad that he doesn't feel she is good enough to just stop looking.

But I guess he'll keep looking until he finds someone, and then moves on.

Full Circle Mother and Daughter

2011-10-03T06:30:00.000-06:00

I have so much more respect for my mom the older my daughters get. Growing up there were things Mom said that I swore I would never say, and for the most part I didn't. There was parenting techniques I said I would do differently, and I did them differently. But all of my experiences either as a daughter or as a parent are still seen through my own eyes, using my own thoughts and experiences to filter how I feel about what I am doing. One of the things I never accounted for though was how my mom was, or even still is, feeling.

I don't recall my mom saying she wishes I spent more time with her when I was in high school. It doesn't mean it didn't happen, I just can't recall it. Yet here I am, feeling a little hurt that my youngest couldn't be bothered to come and talk to me after her volleyball game like all the other kids did. I sat watching with anticipation, like all the other parents there, while our third place team beat the second place team to go to the gold medal game. At the end the tension us parents felt was so great I thought I would vomit! One by one the girls all came over and their parents hugged them and told them good job, or if they sat the whole game they gushed over how exciting it was the team is going for gold! But not my girl. She walked right on out with the others. Not even a wave. I wanted to hug her so bad.

My oldest is just learning about dating boys, which ones are date-able and which ones don't have a clue. I'm doing my best to help her understand that not all boys know how to have a girlfriend and to find one that makes her a priority, not an option once in a while when he feels like it. In taking my 18 years of marriage and what I learned about relationships, about myself, and about boys, I give her the highlights hoping she is prepared. I don't want her future marriage to end up as a statistic because she didn't understand that all relationships take work, by both people...all the time. Conflict resolution, Venus and Mars, priorities and what's really important. But it breaks my heart to see her sit home on a Saturday night because she is such an introvert, because she won't ask if she can tag along, because she's afraid of the unknown, because, because, because.

My mom seemed so strong growing up, did things break her heart too? I'm going to assume yes but she just didn't show it, whereas I wear it like a shirt where everyone can see it.

Now I want my mom to stop worrying about me, I want her to enjoy and live her own life now and do what she wants with it. Travel, start hobbies, find new interests. She is done raising her daughters, we are fully grown and have managed to have children ourselves that we didn't let die because we forgot to feed them, change their diapers, or lose them some where in the neighborhood. How does she feel about that though? I want to set her free but she may feel like she isn't needed and doesn't want to be free. How do I feel right now about my teenage girls thinking they don't need me as a mother any more (right now I am more of an owner of a restaurant, hotel, limo service, banker type). I am working towards setting my own kids free, but I first need to have the confidence that they will make it one their own. Can they over come obstacles....eventually? Can they work through conflict? Will they do the right thing when the time comes even if it means sacrifice? Will they be hard workers or will they come back for hand outs?

More than anything I would like to see both my own mother and my daughters enjoying life. Not the kind of enjoying that gives you hangovers or an empty bank account, I mean happy to wake up and conquer another day, and I don't want either one of them to worry about me.

So.....my kids don't want me to worry about them? Huh, never thought of that.

Cheating on God Pt. 2

2011-09-08T10:59:00.000-06:00

I just had to come back to this. I struggle with the 'right way' in everything I do because I don't like having to redo something, or maybe I don't like hard work! Either way, I am willing to do the right thing as long as I know for sure, know that I know, what the right way is.

The word Christian scares a lot of people, me included. It brings with it the misinformed connotations of crazy people who preach the gospel in every word they say to you, in the way they dress, in the way they try to change your evil ways. Catholics are no different in their understanding of Christians either, and I know this because it is how I was raised. Now whether or not I was a devout Catholic, or misunderstood what I was truly being taught, my interactions with other Catholics today means that it is a common misconception or misinterpretation. The Catholic bible is virtually the same bible as the NIV (New International Version) that I read from now, but with a few more books in it. So where's the misunderstanding?

For starters, I never read my bible growing up. I used it like a text book and only read it when I had to. My paternal Grandmother told me that the bible was the best book to read no matter what you were looking for. There was drama, war, sex, deceit, backstabbing, affairs, torture, you name it. I picked it up and started reading it at the beginning. First bad idea. Do not read that book beginning to end. The genealogy alone will cause you to close it forever!

Now for anyone who actually believes there is a God, a well placed word or phrase can change the way you understand God. For example, after my first daughter was born, I came to know 'Kim' through "New Mom's" group, started in our community to introduce first time mothers in the same stage of life. During our interactions it became apparent that she was somewhat different than me in her understanding of God. Besides the typical baptism debate, or how good is good enough for heaven debate, she mentioned to me that you cannot be lukewarm in your relationship with God. "Look it up" she said, it's in the bible. So I went and looked it up in my Catholic bible (Rev. 3:14-16). You either believe fully or not at all, there is no middle ground. Why do you think we have been referred to as buffet-Catholics? Because we will believe a little of this, but we don't like that, so we leave it behind. Does that freak you out a little bit?

It freaked me out a little. I mean I really hoped there was a God, even though I was professing my anger over my dad's death when I was young, or the fact that Mary, Jesus mother, was married at 14 so just how did God expect us not to have sex before marriage if we don't get married until 25 or 30? I could find loop hole after loop hole to explain away my behavior, but truthfully, I was only making loop hole theories based on what little I knew of God taught to me by other people. I had no idea what was in the bible except MATTHEW, MARK, LUKE, AND JOHN. Oh, and the doom and gloom of Revelations as told to me by everyone who said I would go to hell for......any number of things.

The thing is, what do you think it even means to believe fully in God? Does it mean acting crazy and giving up everything we like? Does it mean making up rules that say I CAN do this, but no I CAN'T do that? Did you know there is no Pope in the bible? Matthew, Mark, Luke, and John were ordinary people, and they didn't even have a clue! What do you honestly believe it takes to get into heaven?

So I ask you, am I cheating on God by trying to get to know him better by reading His book? Or am I cheating on God by allowing someone else to tell me all about all about heaven and hell and I should just believe it?

More Lessons From Family

2011-08-26T07:48:00.001-06:00

I realize now that I've wasted, and still at times continue to waste, so much energy, mental energy, feeling like a second class citizen compared to others. Before my parents separated when I was nine, I don't remember seeing the other side of my family much except at the big holidays, Christmas, weddings, funerals....well not funerals, I was too young. But I saw them even less after my parents divorce and lesser still after my dad died when I was 14. When I did see the extended family, I often felt like a guest and not really a part of the family. They all seemed to know what their roles were, they functioned like a unit, all moving and rotating around one another and interacting like planets of the solar system.

I felt like a friend of the family. I didn't know the family secrets or the inside jokes. My cousins seemed so strong and independent, willing to run off on their own to follow their dreams, their boyfriends, a job, or an adventure. Meanwhile, I had not moved or traveled more than 30 minutes from the house I grew up in. I was happy to live a safe and predictable lifestyle. I wondered what would cause all four daughters of the same family to not just leave home, but to leave the country. Were they tired of their family and wanted out so badly that they took the first opportunity to leave? Did it have something to do with the way they were raised, like the little bird who is ready to fly were they encouraged all along to spread their wings? What adventures they all had!

I interpreted their traveling adventures as a sign of great personal strength and independence.

I had it in MY HEAD that I just didn't belong. I kind of avoided most family functions because I felt like a disappointment, like I couldn't reach their lofty expectations. I was scared they would ask me questions I didn't know the answers to, or that I would give the wrong answer and make a fool of myself proving once again that I just didn't belong. Honestly, I don't know where those feelings came from. When I think back I cannot recall a single time that something was said to me that should make me feel that way, it was simply a misinterpretation of random situations and circumstances or innocent inquiries.

I've done a little growing up since my wallflower, misfit days. Most of my growing has come from raising my own kids and participating in the lives of my niece and nephews. I would be completely mortified if any of them felt the way I described feeling when I was young! I will confess that I am still intimidated by every person I know, young and old, and this more than anything has led to the feelings of unworthiness or feeling like I don't belong. I hide it so well that others just scoff when I try to explain. But you know, after my last trip with my cousin that I hadn't seen in a while, I realized we all suffer a little bit with something. She was worried about what I would think of her, so she held back a little bit of herself from me too. How flattering! To know that my opinion mattered enough to her that she might not want to tell me something about herself. I think I must have made her feel comfortable enough in the first day that she knew I wouldn't judge her.

And so I learned that although I may be worried that others will judge me, they will be somewhat worried too, making us BOTH important enough to impress with our good side. At least for a few hours when we can finally stop holding our breath.

No You Can't Be Friends

2011-07-28T08:35:00.000-06:00

I'm going to eventually come back to my last blog post about Cheating on God. There are things I just really want to know! But for now I have a burning bit of wisdom that I think really needs to find its way into print.

You cannot be friends with the opposite sex. If you are married or in a committed dating relationship, you may not have a 'single' relationship with the opposite sex. If you are both single, then by all means, go ahead. These are not words that even my mother agrees with and therefore I grew up with, these are my own words and so far I have not seen any situation where this advice could not hold water....for a very long time.

I have two daughters who think they are ready to date boys. Texting and Facebook seem to be the social networking of choice. There is no talking on the phone any more, no listening in on conversations by just being in the same room, no way to monitor their spoken words to one another and everyone else. The first time I explained to my girls that you may not text all the other boys privately {where there is no accountability} if you are dating a boy, they laughed at me. "Mom, you're so old fashioned! It's not like that anymore."

So I give an example: Would it be okay with you girls, or your dad, if I made phone calls to another man or went to a movie?

NO.

So why is it okay for you?

No comment.

There is no difference. Soon enough they realize that they actually don't like their boyfriend carrying on long conversations with other girls. It takes a little longer to see that they themselves shouldn't do it either. The temptation is just too great to wonder "what if" about the other person. I know a few couples whose marriages have fallen apart permanently and simply because the friendship between neighbors or friends got a little too close. There were no boundaries.

I haven't always thought this way, I used to think it was a bunch of bunk as well! When my kids were still young and I was a stay at home mom, one of my neighbors was a married, stay at home dad. I know that my husband was not fond of knowing my neighbor and I hung out at the park with all of our kids once in a while, but when that neighbor was separating and eventually divorcing his wife I was told in no uncertain terms "that's it, your friendship just ended." It seemed harsh, and rude, and controlling and outrageous. When talking about this with a friend SHE said that my husband was actually correct. She had previously had an affair and it was because she had no boundaries in place when it came to friendships/relationships with men. Her marriage was a little rocky at the time and she felt justified in finding happiness elsewhere. Her story DOES have a happy ending, and she is still in love and married to her first and only husband.

Do NOT have personal conversations about your spouse's flaws with another man even if they are your very best friend! There again is just too much temptation to compare all that is right with your friend and all that is wrong with your spouse. Always ask yourself "how would I feel if the shoe were on the other foot?" Do you want your spouse talking with someone else about all of your flaws? No?! Huh. Even though you might not be interested in everything your spouse gets excited about, would you like him to go tell another woman all the things that make him happy? Would you like to hear that she also tells your husband all the things that make her happy? Put the shoe on the other foot.

Having a friendship with the opposite sex even if you both are married is dangerous too. Hearing what your friend does for their wife may not always leave you feeling happy for said friend. After a while you may have a tendency to wonder why your husband doesn't do these things for you. You will start to scrutinize your relationship and your habits the more you hear. Once in a while you could even be spurred on to do something nice for your spouse, but again, when you start to share the outcomes, if the stories are not both wonderful and yours doesn't measure up, resentment will begin to build.

Maybe you are thinking that this doesn't apply to you. Maybe you think that none of the above has ever happened. Let me ask you: What is it that you are getting out of that relationship that you are not getting out of your own? As Dr. Phil would say "what's the payoff?" Why do you need the one to one time with another man?

I will also add this little bit of old fashioned wisdom: Give him something to come home to. Relationships take so much more work than I think has ever really been said, at least no one told me I needed to work! I figured once I landed a husband he was mine to keep. He won't stay though if he can find what he needs somewhere else, so why even tempt him to look? Without expectations that your husband will do everything or anything right, you still have to do your part to make it work as well as possible as long as it depends on you.

Cheating on God

2011-07-20T07:00:00.000-06:00

I love deep conversations. Real deep. So deep in fact it scares some people away. I get excited to see light bulbs flash during our intellectual exchanges, or the silence caused by new concepts introduced by me or to me. If we have not gone very deep I feel a little let down, maybe even like you've emptied my love tank a little by taking something from me but neglecting to give anything back.

So let me start with a question that is going to make you mad or start an exchange, possibly a heated debate. Can a Catholic be a Christian?

When I was born I was baptized Catholic. My dad was Catholic but my mom was not. I went to church sporadically at best, but went through with just about all of the Catholic sacraments of Baptism, First Communion, the steps leading up to Confirmation, but my mom thought that I was too young to make that kind of commitment. That is pretty much where my effort ended. When I got married it was in a United Church because my husband wasn't interested in being Catholic. I didn't care either.

Something must have been missing.

Having kids made me realize I couldn't control the outcome of life. I couldn't be everywhere at once, and I couldn't count on anyone else to be either. There was just too much at stake that I felt responsible for {sometimes I take things a little too seriously, but this seemed real important}, so I went back to church. My good old Catholic roots. I feared God's wrath at the end of my life for all the sinful things I did and continued to do. A false sense of belief in an angry, non-forgetting God kept me on the mostly straight and narrow, so maybe it would do the same for my kids.

I didn't really feel like it was helping. So I went somewhere else. There had to be more to it than just going to church. Seek and you will find! I didn't just go anywhere, I checked out places my friends went to or recommended. So while my husband thought I was going to my Catholic church I was secretly checking out adult Sunday school somewhere else. I actually opened the bible, and discussed how to apply the bible to our lives. We prayed out loud in the presence of others, using our own words, to ask God for help, for guidance, for mercy, for forgiveness and whatever came to our minds.

I started feeling like I was cheating on God. I felt guilt for not staying with my original church, like the God I was praying to was a different God than the one that I had feared would scold me for my whole life. How could they be the same God? How could they be the same religions? I was learning about a God who loved, who wanted the best for us, not pain and suffering as a way of teaching. I had only known about a God who never forgot the all the wrongs we all commit, who decided in the end if the good outweighed the bad, who measured our worth and then decided....did we get into heaven? Or not. I had my bible that was given to me by my grandmother, a Catholic bible. Yes it said the same thing as the the bibles being used and read somewhere else. My grandfather didn't want to hear what I had to say about what I was learning, which was that the bible says we can be assured now that we are going to heaven if we believe in Jesus (John 3:16). He told me I can't live my life all 'willy-nilly' and then go to heaven.

So I ask you...was it just me? I keep going to family functions where the priest seems to really know what he's talking about. So I think "finally! They know the truth!" and then the sermon closes with..."and we hope that we have done enough and believed enough that we will be accepted into heaven."

Bummer.

Your thoughts? Without comparing somewhere else please.

The Real Need: Imperfect Community

2011-07-12T07:00:00.000-06:00

It's wiggling again. That idea. That desire. That pull that makes me want to meet new people. But I don't really have to meet new people, I just have to get to know the people who are already around me and also let them get to know me.

But the walls. The not knowing how it will turn out.

The idea of community is not a new one. Since the dawn of time actually (Genesis 2:18). Somewhere, deep down, we are wired to seek an identity with others, to be a part of something, to belong. But we can't always recognize it and I don't think our society looks favorably on it anymore. We are sold on how we can be independent, individual, leaders, succeeders and at the top. But secretly we still desire to just belong and not lead. Look at Facebook. Without even leaving the comfort of your home you can have 1,000 friends and now you are a part of something. You can be a part of many somethings because even Facebook has different groups. But this isn't about Facebook, even I have a Facebook account.

In being different from each other, even in our similarities, we are meant to be a part of a more complete whole. I read somewhere today that "if you have everything in common, one of you is unnecessary," it was referring to a marriage relationship, but I think it can apply to friendships as well. Our differences cause us to need others, and others to need us. Remember the days when neighbors used to help one another out? I barely know my neighbors, and I have lived in this house for 13 years. I know that one neighbor doesn't like strange vehicles parked in front of his house, and another neighbor who is a single mom, has been dating someone for over a year and we've never been introduced to him. My kids used to play with the kids from down the street, now they all pretend they don't know each other. Does that make any sense?

Because we have been sold on the idea that we can do everything, do it well, and do it independently, we no longer want to rely on the people around us. It makes us feel weak, and that is not the societal norm. It is a slippery slope. I believe we just don't want people to see our mistakes because then others will know the truth about who we really are. I'll show my strengths, but I will hide my weakness or what I believe is a short coming, and I will try my hardest to be more like everyone around me, but in private. And then I will wallow in self pity because I just don't see myself as being enough. Does this resonate with anyone?

I am as guilty as the next guy of trying to keep my strengths out there where others can see them, but I will hide the areas that don't measure up. Measure up to what? But I also know that when it is you who needs the help, I really want to be there for you. I know that if you insist on doing it yourself, you won't let me in and I won't know the real you. If you won't show me your weaknesses, it becomes just to hard to measure up and then I will give up. But I will acknowledge when you don't let me in, I can't get to know you personally....and so I recognize the signs of doing the exact same thing to others. Thankfully, I recognize it, so again I can identify it in others and I can genuinely say "I don't want you to be perfect. It's too hard for me to live up to."

Forward, backward, forward?

Things You Learn From Family

2011-07-03T17:07:00.000-06:00

It has been so long since I have felt like writing here on the blog. I didn't write because I wanted followers, but because I thought that maybe someone might happen along one day and be interested in something I had to say. Interested enough to hear me through until the end. That is the great thing about reading a blog, it can be picked it up and put down whenever it suits you. Reply if it applies or glaze over it if it doesn't. Growing up I often felt like people weren't interested in what I had to say, or that they must have been lulled to sleep by the tone of my voice or inflection I used while sharing in conversations. First the glazed look, then the search the room for "anyone else" look, and finally the interruption from my audience (who ever I was talking to) to tell me something completely unrelated to my topic and carry on about it. I felt unimportant, that I didn't matter, and that maybe I shouldn't say anything at all.

So I started to blog.

In enjoying my own blog, I read other blogs that were helpful and insightful and full of information, not all of it wise, but at least entertaining. I will frequent the blogs of my choice because I actually like them. Some will follow my blog, but never frequent it. Like I said I'm not really interested in followers. Now, I know that some writer's use a blog as a platform for followers while writing and desiring to publish books. After some of my own research I noticed that the only reason other bloggers may follow is to get traffic or "followers" to come and check them out. Don't hate the player.....hate the game. No real interest in the blogs they follow, just the followers they may direct to themselves.

Then I noticed some of the stories, hints, and inspiring blogs I loved to visit and refer people to as great sites, started locking up their wealth of information so that they could profit from it by selling it! What a disappointment. But again, don't hate the player. Every person blogs for their own reasons. But it did make me wonder why I was blogging. I had to rethink what I was up to by posting and then checking others out and linking them from my site or leaving comments on theirs. So while I have been pondering, I've had lots of ideas for posts but just no motivation to want to publish them here. Hence the sabbatical I've been on.

Then Blogger had a glitch, and so I removed my blog from the internet altogether. I took it off my Facebook page too. Only two people asked me where my blog went, not sure how many even noticed. Neither of those two was a "follower", at least not in the sense of signing up to publicly follow my blog. They usually viewed my writing in stealth mode! I decided not to delete my blog completely so I put it back where it was but still did not post anything new.

Until today.

I just spent an awesome weekend in Toronto with family that I almost never see. I went to a wedding and roomed with my cousin who lives maybe 30 minutes, at most, from my front door yet we hardly speak except over Facebook. Thank you God, and Judy, for encouraging me to at least get on Facebook so I could see what my family was up to even if I wasn't there. Because of it I stepped way out of my comfort zone and went solo to the airport, traveled with my aunt, uncle and cousin and came out learning that a third person actually reads my blog! I'm not in it for the followers but I love the conversations it creates! My cousin and I had such great discussions this weekend, a few of them stemming from things she read on Pearls of Wisdom (don't let the name fool you, not all of it is wise).

I learned that some people are interested in things I like to talk about. I learned people will check out a blog to learn a little more about the person, not just the content, in much the same way I will check out a Facebook page to see where my family members are this week. It will all lead to great relationship building when we actually see each other in person. I also learned I have much catching up to do with all of my family and those I care about, so I will continue to blog. It's great fodder for our thoughts and conversations!

So if you read this Pearls of Wisdom blog, follow if you want-even if it is to direct traffic to your own site. It may end up working both ways in the end. If you are viewing my blog in stealth mode, keep doing it just the way you like as I don't need to be encouraged just yet. It is enough to know that there are some of you out there who read my mind just because it interests you.

See you soon.

Why I Do It and A Quote

2011-04-12T06:30:00.001-06:00

(photo compliments of my youngest daughter)
I'm home from China and I told you absolutely nothing about my trip. I will.....eventually. I would have loved to share with you as I was going but it just wasn't possible. No Facebook, no blog, China does not allow it. Apparently there are ways around it, but I just didn't know enough to ask before I left. I even tried to keep a few notes as I went along, but two weeks is a long time to go without purging my newly consumed wisdom on you all. So my previously best laid plans will now be put to rest until called upon at a later time.

Sorry. For some of you it will be a real bummer.

But why do I bother to take in so much information if I don't eventually get to share it? You may recall an earlier post about being quite smitten with myself and being compared to a cat-eating alien named Alf. I had just learned something new. I'm always learning something new, it's what I do. What I didn't realize is that it is considered one of my "dominant theme's of talent" (Living Your Strengths by Albert L. Winseman, Donald O. Clifton, and Curt Liesveld). To give you a very brief summary, I:

*collect things, like information, words, facts, books and quotes. I will read a 1,000 page book and remember a single one-liner {or quote} that may change the way you or I think. For example, I am reading a book called The 4-Hour Body, not because I want to but because my husband brought it home. The quote I want to share with you is:

"Will you actually stick with this change until you hit your goal? If not, find another method, even if it's less effective and less efficient. The decent method you follow is better than the perfect method you don't."

I may read this entire book, and not come up with anything but that.

*love to learn. The process, more than the content or result, is especially exciting. But I don't learn new things so that I can master them. That doesn't interest me. The first few facts, the journey from ignorance to competence, that is what does it for me.

*challenge you, or others, to prove to me if what you claim is true. I don't do it to destroy ideas, but instead to make sure they are sound. I just want to truly understand.

I am simply collecting and then sharing. One of the downfalls is that I don't always finish what I start. There are just too many things for me to learn, I can't limit myself with what time I have left on my rock. But knowing that this is not a fault, but rather part of what comes with my "talent", means that I can stop beating myself up for not being a finisher! It doesn't mean I will stop trying to finish, it just means it's part of the learning...I'm not here to master it, just engage it.

So for today, all I can tell you is that I really enjoyed China. As things come to my mind, now that I have it back from the 14 hour time difference and jet lag, I promise to write more about it. Thanks for your patience.

Day 1 in Beijing

2011-03-26T06:30:00.001-06:00

Good day! I am beginning my first adventure right now as you read this (Actually, I'm beginning tomorrow)! I will get on an airplane here in Canada at 0630h, Saturday morning, and chase the sun for about 12 hours, after I get out of Vancouver, only to arrive in the middle of a Sunday afternoon in Beijing! A time difference of 14 hours.

(I've added links to the above pictures if you'd like to see some of the places I'll be visiting. Courtesey of the Beijing government travel guide.)

I've never really been anywhere. Seriously, I love my country but you wouldn't know it because I've only actually seen the better half of two province's, and a vague memory of one territory when I was little. That memory only serves to remind me of mosquito's the size of turkeys that almost carried me off when my mom wasn't looking. There have been to a few hot destinations like Mexico, Dominican Republic, and Maui, but I flew in my bubble and landed in my bubble, and was escorted to my all inclusive resort where I remained in my bubble. My family has a wedding in Toronto this summer, and I think I am going just so I can see a bit more of Canada. I would go anyway if it was closer, but somehow the distance makes it a bit more adventurous!

I'm pathetic.

Besides never having travelled, I never had the desire to travel. I was satisfied to stay firmly planted here where my friends are. There just was no draw for me, I'm not sure I was even really scared back then, I just didn't see the need to go anywhere. Maybe I didn't think my mom would let me, so what was the point in dreaming? In high school I had a friend who went to Hawaii every Christmas for a month. When I graduated, some of my classmates and friends went to Europe to "see the world" and can you imagine....they went without a plan!! I'm a little sick just thinking about it.

Distance made my heart grow fearful. The longer I stayed away, the smaller my bubble became.

I think I may have mentioned before that I have a fear of the unknown. That is a lot of stuff to be fearful of. I have a fear of my computer. I only know how to do what I already know how to do. As far as travel, what if they speak a different language? How could I communicate my needs? What about the bugs? How will I know where the bathrooms are? Here is the one phrase that best reflects most of my conversations. "I can't believe you even think about that stuff." Well, it's how I was created. I come from a long line of worriers {not to be confused with warriors}.

But today, or tomorrow because of the time change, I will land in Beijing. I did a little research just so I would relax, but I know I haven't even come close to scratching the surface of the Chinese culture I am about to be immersed in. I am unprepared, not sure how to pack, I don't know where the bathrooms are - but I am packing kleenex in my daypack and have been practicing squatting! Yes, seriously. But I think I may have been bitten by a bug. I haven't left at the writing of this post yet, but I think possibly I may have been bitten by a travel bug.

I want to see more.

Thanks to Facebook, I noticed a few unnamed family members who have been all over the place so I've seen pictures. Thanks to the internet, I can experience and plan before I book my flight. Because the world just doesn't sleep, I can access informtation at any time of day, where ever I am. There is nothing I couldn't do, no place I couldn't visit.

It reminds me of the Tower of Babel (Gen. 11:1). I mean just look at what is on the internet, you can build anything. Including towers. My world is actually getting a whole bunch smaller.

But I am looking forward to it.

Ha! I Kill Me!!!

2011-03-23T10:21:00.000-06:00

Remember Alf? The lovable alien that ate cats and impressed himself with his own wisecracks?!

Today I feel like Alf. I am impressed with myself, HA! What is so impressive you ask? Well for starters, if you have read any of my blog posts relating to ministry, witnessing, evangelism or anything related to the service of Christians, you will recall that I complain a fair bit about knowing what I am good at but being placed in a service somewhere that I hate. Worse yet, not being asked to do that which I am capable of doing, but instead asked to support a someone who doesn't even have an interest in something I am screaming passionate about! {Yup, small vent. I'm over it.}

If you have been following along and know what I am talking about you will recall that I am involved in a ministry course called Verge3 at my church. It is about a 9-10 month process, that could go on for three years should I decide to continue. While I'm shamelessly plugging Verge3 to anyone reading this, I will tell you that I have met Rob Loane alive and in person and can tell you, this guy is for real. He was in The Park for a mini Spiritual Formation Retreat for those taking the Verge3 program or those interested in taking it. He is down to earth and easy to relate to. So go ahead. Invite him to your church just to see what I am babbling on about.

Anyhow....

I am now beginning the fourth workbook, and with it comes the companion book LIVING your STRENGTHS. It is a book that helps you "discover your God-Given talents and inspire your community." I am so excited I think I may be on the verge of a heart-attack. Partly fuelled by the anxiety of going to China in four days, partly fuelled by lack of sleep due to previously mentioned anxiety, and mostly fuelled by new information and a little caffeine! A little manic? Maybe, but that's how I roll.

Back to ALF.

Like Alf, I am an alien living here until I die and return to spend eternity with my Heavenly Father. Like Alf, I am learning what it means to be me while here on this rock, and also like Alf I am completely impressed with the new things I learn about myself and what I am capable of doing {being}. Thanks to the little online test that accompanies the book, I have discovered my "signature themes." Signature themes are talents that are "naturally recurring patterns of thought, feeling, or behavior and they naturally exist within you and cannot be acquired." In order to know and live your strengths, it is important to understand how your talent, skill and knowledge applies to you. Once I tell you what my talents are, even if you don't know me personally, you may find yourself running to the store to get your own book. Don't buy second hand either because the book comes with a secret, one time only, code that let's you take the test and get your results {or go ahead and buy second hand and read the whole darn thing and figure out the top five that apply to you - find a way to take the test!}. Tell them I sent you!!!

Okay, This Is Me! {In order of importance}

i) Input: Inquisitive, I collect things and information - words, facts, books, and quotations. I collect them because they interest me. If I read a great deal, which I absolutely do, it is to add information to my archives. It is hard to know why I store what I do because who knows when or why I might need them.

ii) Learner: I Love To Learn! Energized by the steady and deliberate journey from ignorance to competence. My excitement leads me to engage in adult learning experiences...like piano! I might add that this is why you will be getting a blogful of China.

iii) Analytical: My analytical theme challenges people. Seriously?! Have I not challenged you?! I do not want to destroy other people's ideas, but I do insist that their theories be sound. I search for patterns and connections. I peel back layers until the root cause is revealed. Others see me as logical. Here is the doozy-> some people may reject me because they think I am negative or unnecessarily critical. But really, I am simply trying to understand something. That's it, that's all.

I am impressed with myself now because I am not an unusual buffoon who just can't seem to fit in! This is simply how I was created. And it must be true because someone wrote it in a book.

Okay, there is more. But I am not going to share it with you right now. I'm curious though, without knowing me, only having read my blog once in a while, would say that these three talents seem accurate?

HA! I kill me!!

Finding Pearls in China

2011-03-13T06:30:00.002-06:00

Thirteen days, including today, and counting until we leave for China! I just can't believe it, where in the world did February go? I've been trying my best to absorb as much as I can about where exactly we are going while we are in China, and I'm using National Geographic "Traveler China" and if I remember to look, I also use a couple of websites.

Have you heard of the Boxer Rebellion? The Boxers were a group of people (The Group of Righteous Harmony) originally spawned from anti-Qing elements and secret societies. They performed breathing exercises and imagined their charms and calisthenics would make them invincible. Armed with broad swords, headbands, and magical spells, the Boxers were driven by a naive faith forged from superstition and magic. The Boxer's rose in 1899 and began to massacre Christians and attack Western interests. Relief came in the form of international expeditions consisting of Japanese, Russian, British, American, French, Austrian, and Italian to relieve the trapped foreigners consisting mostly of Western Missionaries rumoured to have kidnapped Chinese orphans, and those westerners who introduced the railroads crossing ancestral graves {This is the extremely short version. Who knew there was a Christian presence in China?}. Anyway, the long and the short of it is that the consequence of the Boxer Rebellion forced China to copy the West if it wanted to survive. China overturned the Qing dynasty and embraced Communism. (National Geographic, Traveler China)

Anyways, just a little something I learned. As mentioned in a previous post, here is our list of the

Top 50 Pearls To Look For In China

Beijing

Enjoy a Beijing Roast duck dinner
Temple of Heaven

WangFujing Street

Tiananmen Square

Forbidden City (Zijin Cheng)

Summer Palace

Take a stroll onThe Great Wall

Ming Tombs

Hutong Rickshaw

Olympic site and Bird's Nest

Art Zone
Lunch in a local people's home
Visit the North Cathedral

Xian

Terra-cotta Warriors

Mausoleum of Qin

Huaqing Pool

Big Goose Pagoda

Provincial Museum

Grand Mosque and Muslim Street

Shanghai
Ride a high speed train

People's Square

Nanjing Road

Walk along Huangpu River Bund

Yu Garden

Jade Buddha Temple

Visit the Shanghai Museum
Listen to the jazz band at the Peace Hotel

Suzhou

Tiger Hill

Humble Administrator's Garden

Garden of Master of the Nets
Slow down and have a tea and meditate in the gardens
Hangzhou

Lingyin Temple

Boat trip on West Lake
*Huagang Garden

Huqingyutang Chinese Traditional Medicine Museum

Hong Kong
Visit the Kiat's

See the Hong Kong harbour light show
Try Bubble tea
Miscellaneous
Shop until we drop
Find some jade for my mom
Take pictures to decorate our home
Research China's tourist attractions we'll see (already done!)
Appreciate my own culture more upon return
Enjoy the adventure as a family
Enjoy each other uninterupted by technology
Learn about life completely different than ours here in North America
Open our eyes and change our hearts
Fish Spa and pedicure
Veer off the tourist beaten path (eeek!)
McDonald's (ewww!)

I'm sure we won't get everything done, but I am sure we will do more than what is listed here. I will try to keep you posted.

Praying God's Will

2011-03-12T08:11:00.000-07:00

I'm just wondering....do you know God's will? How can you be sure?

Do you think Jesus knew God's will? If your answer is yes, Jesus knew God's will all the time, then why do you think his prayer on the Mount of Olives went like this:

"Father, if it is Your will, take this cup from me, yet not my will be done, but yours be done."

Luke 22:42

I have heard others preach that their prayers are answered more often when they pray God's will instead of their own, as though to imply that their prayers are always answered positively when they knew how to pray. The prayer then seems to be a bit ambiguous so as to cover every angle but not really have a direct request.

How can we talk to God like He is our friend (as a form of communication) if we are only saying what we think He wants to hear?

{So as I am typing this post out I am thinking that the more we pray and spend time talking to God, and the more God answers our prayers either yes, no or wait, the more we understand His will. The more time we spend, not just on our knees in formal prayer but also in our thoughts for everyday circumstances, the more we can really truly get to know God, His will, and then ourselves. Let's not forget to read the bible....God's written word. You see? It works, just ask.}

But still.....how could Jesus ask if of his father? Was he hoping He would change his will? So shouldn't we hope and ask too then?

"Lord, if it is your will, take the cup from my mother in law and bring her healing, yet not our will be done, but yours be done."

Amen.

Let Me Help You Get Addicted

2011-03-11T06:30:00.002-07:00

.....To Your Smart phone!

There are many inventions that are meant to help us in our day to day life. Vehicles get us to places faster and farther away than simply taking your horse or walking. Airplanes are faster than boats, email is faster than snail mail, the computer is faster than reading the entire set of encyclopedia Britannica, and so on. It was all originally created with the idea that if we get done what we needed to do, but faster, we should theoretically have more free time for ourselves to enjoy life.

How is that working for you?

What I am finding is that the faster I am able to get things done, the more I should be able to accomplish!

Take for example cell phones. Remember when they were just phones? They used to be for the business person on the road, or the mom who was out but could still be reached in case of emergency. Then came texting. You could ask a quick question without having to use your cell phone time, so you saved money. But the more popular it became, the more time consuming it was. Now everyone is texting. Then we added calendars, emails, cameras, video, Internet connection, and social media to our phones. Our phones are now mini computers that fit in the palm of our hands. We no longer have any time because we have just made ourselves available to absolutely every person on our contact list. Updates on Facebook, texting from your kids and spouse as well as friends, we have even for the most part done away with our home phones because they have simply become obsolete! We are slowly becoming addicted to our Smartphones. Can't live without them. Case and point my youngest teenager is acting like an addicted junkie without her fix because I have taken her cell phone away for 24 hours (that is a whole other post)! Well let me help you get just a little bit more addicted to your Smartphone.

I am a list girl. I have a "To Do" list that is constantly being added to, and it is broken down into a smaller list that is specifically for today. It is called my "6 Things" list. I found the idea for the list on a blog called Like A Warm Cup of Coffee. My sister in law and I were talking about all of the things she had to do before she went to visit her mom in Arizona, and I asked if she had a list. Yes. Where is it?

On a piece of paper....

That is hilarious! She has a Smartphone, but carries around a piece of paper with her list! She will never lose her cell phone, because now it has been added as an appendage to her body, but she is more than likely to lose a piece of paper. Even as I am typing this I have just modified my "6 Things" list:

6 Things Monday:
6 Things Tuesday:
6 Things Wednesday:

You get the idea. But it is all on my phone. So you see this is my Pearl for you today. Put your list in your phone. My phone actually has an app called a notepad, that is where I put it. I am still trying to figure out how to put that list into my calendar so my little alarm tells me what my list is for the day (anyone out there know how?), but until then I daily check my "6 Things" list and accomplish that for the day. As I figure out other things that also need doing, I simply add them to my "To Do" list, to be broken down later according to priority.

But be careful, organizing your life on your Smartphone can be addicting....

Death is Easy, Living is Hard

2011-02-25T11:22:00.000-07:00

"He will wipe away every tear from their eyes, and death shall be no more, neither shall there be mourning, nor crying, nor pain anymore, for the former things have passed away."

When I am going through particularly hard times, I often think to myself "God, why can't you just take me now?" It would appear that I would rather be dead and gone, than have to deal with whatever is at hand. I am not afraid of death, I'm a little afraid of dying because I am weak when it comes to struggle and it might hurt, but it seems I am more afraid of living. I don't want to live with the decisions I am making, the mistakes I have made and will probably continue to make, and I most certainly do not want to be responsible for the happiness or unhappiness of others. It is also painful to watch others suffer and have no power to stop it. Wouldn't it just be so much easier if the earth would simply open up and swallow me when things get tough?

You see I believe that to be in heaven would mean that if I could pick the happiest day here on Earth, multiply that by infinity, that is the joy I will experience when I finally get there. Why do I think this? Well, for starters Matt.13:44-46 suggests that I will have such excitement and joy over the Kingdom of Heaven that I would sell everything I have just to have it. The quote I started this post with lets me know there will be no more sorrow and pain or crying, among other things (Rev. 21:4).

Don't worry!!!!!

If you are reading this right now I am not suicidal! I am not in a hurry to be done on this rock I live on, I am not in a hurry to leave everyone I love and who love me, and I am not in a hurry to skip to the end. It will come when God decides, not when I do. But because of what I believe will happen to me when I die, I am not afraid of death. It will be something to look forward to, because I know I AM GOING TO HEAVEN when I have finished living here (Romans 10:9-10, Eph. 2:8-9).

So it would seem that death is easier than living, because although there is much to be happy about in life, there is also much sorrow. There is heart break, struggle, pain, dreams lost, regret, and death and we must survive and live through it all. To live means we will have to deal with all of these things at some point in our lives, at least in mine. I am only 39 years young with so much happiness and joy ahead of me, but with it will also come pain and more struggle. I trust that God has a purpose for everything in my life, joy and sorrow, and I also trust He knows what He is doing even if I don't. That trust leads me to a greater hope in what I profess by believing in Jesus and having eternal life. That trust and hope gets me through the tough things in life when I really wish God would save me from it all.

What if I'm wrong? What if there is no heaven? What if there is no eternal life without sorrow? Well I guess that would be really sad, but I won't dwell. I won't know until it actually comes to that. But if I am wrong, I can at least look at my life and be glad that I loved those around me as hard as I could, and they loved me. I have no regrets. I won't get to the end and think "rats! I should have made more money, partied harder or experienced more lovers." I haven't always been a Christian, I know about what brings happiness and what only claims to bring happiness. Money will not make me happy, someone to share it with would though! If I am wrong and there is nothing, I have stilled lived a great life.

But if I'm right.....I will see those of you who also believe, on the other side! There will be great celebrations and no more tears, love beyond comprehension and no more sorrow or dying. That is what makes it all worth it (1Peter 1:8-9), that is the joy that steals death's sting (1Cor. 15:50-58)!

If anyone would care to join me, please follow these special instructions outlined in God's manual:

*Confess with your mouth that Jesus is Lord

*Believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead

That is all....I will see you on the other side (when ever that is, but for now I am remaining here).

I'm Heading to China!

2011-02-23T06:30:00.001-07:00

I just want to say I think God is amazing! I have been a scaredy-cat about travelling for some time. Well, most of my life. Most of my dad's side of the family have all been visiting exotic and far off places in the world, yet here I sit. Frozen. I am a worrier (not to be confused with warrior).

Until now.

I have some friends who are living in Macau for a few years, they are on an adventure. Truth be told, we don't actually know each other all that well. Our kids went to school together when they were very young but only recently met up again because of sports. A little background is all.

Anyway, I simply overheard the word "blog" as they were explaining that they would keep in touch and up to date on their travels through a blog with anyone who is interested. So I googled it. So cool. They had a list of the Top 100 Things they would like to do, see, touch, eat, and experience while they were living in Macau, and my small, scared little mind thought "sheesh! I could find 100 things I should be doing right here at home!" I was more interested in the blog than the travel. Not just little mind, but narrow too I see.

But then....

I continued to follow the Kiat's in Macau and I admired how much fun they were having experiencing life. I'm a very serious person. I sometimes can't spot fun if it throws water balloons at me! I admired that they took their kids on the adventure with them, something I have always been scared to do. But then I had a tiny, oh so tiny, minute really....a minuscule thought. I would like to have an adventure with my girls. Poof! End of thought. That was only about six to eight weeks ago.

And so today I AM researching places we will be visiting in China! I have to say I AM excited and looking forward to it. I AM headed for an adventure and I AM taking my girls with me.

I AM is amazing because I would not have come to this place on my own. I didn't even work my way towards it. A simple little seed was planted. So for those that may be interested in our adventure, I was thinking and have asked permission to borrow the idea, of 100 things we may be doing while we are in China. We will only be there for two weeks, so our list may actually have only 20-50 things. I will let you know when we have Sunday dinner and discuss all of our expectations.

I have big ideas of sharing my 'Pearls' with you from China, I hope it works. I also hope that the Kiat's will inspire you to look at the Top 100 things you may want to do where ever you travel, or even when you stay home. It truly is an adventure!

Multi-Level Marketing

2011-02-17T06:37:00.000-07:00

This post might tell you more about how my mind works than you really wanted to know.

It is stuck in my head and I'm not sure I can get it all out in a way you'll understand. I can't share it with just anyone, my thoughts go places that not just anyone can follow. This one has me in a bit of a conundrum. My Christianity is a little bit like an MLM or multi-level marketing machine. I would know because I have been a part of a few. You have the top guy who recruits three guys, and each of those three guys recruits three guys and so on. So now your direct team has twelve. The object of the network marketing plan is to recruit more people. Sure you have a product to sell, but more important than the product is the recruiting because that is where the money is right?

Well, my experience with Christianity has been somewhat the same. The top guy is Jesus who has recruited Peter, John and James, and there are 12 apostles in all. This is actually a good Christian model. Their prime directive is to go out into the nations baptizing and making disciples. I just want to say that I have witnessed many people who have reacted the same way to both Christianity and MLM's, they run the other way. So, because I can't sell water to a dying thirsty man, I keep my product and my Christianity to myself. I just don't explain it right. I know it works for me, but I don't want to misrepresent it to anyone.

I was doing some research for another MLM company that I was approached to be a part of, and I found that statistically 99% of the time it fails. They tell you that you are you are your own boss, work as much or as little as you want, make as much or as little money as you want, you are free to do as you like. Just pay this small fee that you will make back immediately when you recruit your first three people. Some of the reasons these marketing plans fail for one person or another is misrepresentation. It is implied that you can live debt free, big house, vacation house, travelling and the sky is the limit for monthly income. The person talking knows someone who knows someone who is making $100,000 per month. Most of the time that is true but the money did not come from selling the product or even explaining how it worked. The profit came from simply signing people up. Once a person is signed up, they may be trained for a short period of time but eventually they are left on their own again. There are very few really good team leaders, and so eventually members start to drop off.

For me Christianity and God in North America is a hard sell. We are not in need of very much. As a matter of fact we could all do with a little less. But again, I see misrepresentation in this arena too. People want to be a part of something but they don't want to be duped, and even I am getting such a mixed message. I was reading in Exodus 12:43-49 about the Passover celebration and who was allowed to participate. Only a Jew. It was very exclusive. If a stranger or a guest in their house desired to partake they had to go through the ritual of becoming a Jew. But I have not read anywhere in the Old Testament where the Jew's went out and recruited or even offered to share what they had. Enter the New Testament.

I've heard stories of Christian's who went door to door, stood on street corners or even grabbed a fog horn at a rally to share the gospel. But it seems so much more intrusive than allowing people to be interested. Jesus went to synagogue's or hillsides to tell His story. You came, you heard, you followed or you didn't but he certainly never kept after you. In John 6:66 many walked away because it was too much for them. It was not immediately followed with John 6:67 suggesting Jesus called them everyday, knocked on their doors or held rally's. It is like there are a whole bunch of multi-level marketing Christian's out there pushing their God and it doesn't look anything like something people would or should desire to be a part of. Rules and guilt, giving everything away, fun sucking works-focused religion. It has been misrepresented by both Christians and non-Christians alike. Claims of cures from addictions, depression, disease.... have you seen Christians represented on TV or in movies to be good looking, wealthy, joyful people? Not usually. They are represented as dowdy, rules oriented, no fun at all, give everything up type of people. And let's not forget about the big name Christian and religious people who give God a bad name because they were focused on what they couldn't have instead of being truly focused on God. Oh and we bicker amongst ourselves....

I am confused. I know you are not at all surprised by this.

My experience has been that many relationships start as a desire to bring others to a saving relationship with Christ, but not as a direct result of wanting to get to know you at all. Non-Christians are seen as a project, task or opportunity but not as a person. Is that authentic? Isn't that a little like recruiting but not paying any real attention to the product you are selling? It reminds me of the salesperson who calls to see if what you bought is working for you because they truly care about you. Would they care as much if you didn't buy their product? If it seems like a lost cause or that they are not getting any closer, they move on.

The best recruiting for God I ever did was to simply get to know people because I was interested in them. I am a closet Christian so I don't share "the good news" as a conversation starter. I am doing my best to live authentically and my hope is that anyone who takes the time to get to know me sees something in me they want. Only God can call those He has called, not me. One day someone asked me if I had Jesus in my heart, and then I shared my good news. This is not to say that if God was to speak to me, and I listened, that I wouldn't go and share the gospel with just anyone, I would. But I believe telling people who aren't ready{or God has not yet called} is simply planting seeds that God will use eventually, but may not be what He told you or wanted you to do. In 1 Thess. 4:11-12 we are to win the respect of outsiders.

We all have a role to play, and I am no different. Many people will plant seeds, others will tend to the crop, and still others will harvest them. But not all of us are meant to plant seeds only, or harvest only. As much as God wants us to share His story with others, ultimately He is most concerned with us individually and our own growth. If I spread a few seeds inadvertently, so much the better. When I set out to spread seeds with an agenda, that is when I seem to fail. It is when I am simply being me, the way God created me to be, not the way my recruiter or well meaning team mates want me to be, that is when God uses me and I am that much more successful.

I see it happening all around me and I just don't know what to do about it. Yes! If you are the seed planter then plant. If you tend the crop by watering, pulling weeds, and fertilizing....then by all means do it! If you are the harvester, then harvest. But all need to be present in order to grow.

Does anyone understand what I am trying to say?

Who Let The Blog Out?!

2011-02-14T06:30:00.001-07:00

Well, it finally happened. My mom-in-law stumbled upon my blog and asked if it was mine. Yes, it is. So there it is, I've been outed.

I'm not going to explain how exactly it happened, but I will explain that one of the reasons for my blog is because I just don't have people in my life who I can talk about this with. So I blog. I write my thoughts, my questions, my ramblings, and my Christianity. I can't just tell anybody how my walk with God is going, or not going. So I blog.

But then someone, whose opinions about me count, read my blog. My mom-in-law read my blog. She was surprised it was mine and said it looked really good, a little more spiritual than she was used to. That was it. No judgement, no rejection, no laughing at me.

So maybe it's time to 'Get The Blog OUT!'

(and now all of you are coming out there with me).

Quote For The Day

2011-02-10T11:45:00.000-07:00

Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a great battle.

Philo of Alexandria
(20 B.C.-50 A.D.)

So true, and don't ever forget it when passing people on the street, in a cab or when they mistakenly cut you off in traffic. You just don't know what they are dealing with, you only see the evidence of their coping mechanisms.

How I See It

2011-01-31T06:16:00.000-07:00

I had a conversation with a good friend recently while we were away on a girlfriend trip. There were six of us staying at a friends place for four nights, and our husbands were left to steer the ship while we were gone. Our kids range in age from kindergarten age to 'should be married by now'. Needless to say, some of the dad's merely had to keep their kids out of trouble, while others were left with the more involved task of getting after them to brush their teeth, feed, and bathe them.

Do you mind me saying that while we were away, we were still a little to close? I received a text message from my daughter suggesting I speak with her dad because she was unhappy with something he said. So I just pretended not to get that particular text. But one of my friends actually received a phone call. It seems that Dad wanted the kids to do their chores and tidy up, but their feathers were a little ruffled over the fact that Dad was staying firmly planted on the couch in front of the TV.

"It's not fair!"

"He's just sitting there!"

I can tell you that my friend said she too understood how her kids felt. She felt angry sometimes to see her husband lounging without a concern for the flurry of activity that was happening around him, and doing nothing to either help or seem at least a little bit grateful. I think I have probably been there a few times as well. What about him? What about me? (Remember WAH? and WAM?)

Then a thought popped into my ruminating little mind. I wonder how my husband feels about the hard earned money he makes for our family, only to watch me spend it on things only for me or on "fluff" for the house that we really didn't need? Does it look a little bit to him like I sit around waiting while he goes about his day in a flurry of activity of his own, earning a paycheque that I sometimes take for granted, and then turn around a purchase things I know we don't need or that I will be bored of and give away in a month?

Theoretically, our husbands earn the money as a way of showing us, their families, how much they love us. They work harder and harder in order to provide more and more. It is simply how they are wired. In theory our job, as wives, would be to show our appreciation by taking care of the castle and all of it's inhabitants and possessions, without complaining. Both jobs should be done without complaining. In theory. In reality we get a little too caught up in what our rights are, and take our eye off what our responsibilities are. We start to throw around phrases like "it's not fair" or maybe even "you should have to do {fill in the blank} if I am going to do {fill in another blank}." It seems to be a constant battle of "I am doing more than you are, and you aren't doing enough to please me."

But thankfully I have a strange habit of trying to see things from the other side, or at least imagine what it might look like from my husbands perspective. So that is why I am going to get off this computer and get started on the castle, all the while keeping in mind that if it were not for my husbands business ability, his willingness to work hard, and the paycheque he brings home, I would not have anything to complain about. No house. No car. No vacation with girlfriends.

At least that is how I see it.

But then, maybe it's just me.

Quote For The Day

2011-01-27T06:07:00.000-07:00

God the Creator arranged things so that we need each other.

Basil the Great

Theologian (330-379 AD)

Maybe I'm a 'Peter"?!

2011-01-24T08:39:00.000-07:00

I did it. I took the plunge, but I took it with a life jacket and a flotation device. I hemmed and hawed and stood at the edge for what seemed like years. Then I jumped! Well no, I waded in slowly.

I started a Facebook page.

I ran into a family member and while we were catching up she told me all that was new in our large family. You see my dad died when I was 14 years old, so I haven't really kept in great touch with these people. I never felt like I really belonged. While she told me of a cousin who recently had a baby, much to everyone's surprise, she asked "aren't you on Facebook?"

No.

"Oh, well if you were on Facebook you would be able to stay up to date on what is happening in our family." She went on to explain about some behaviours of a couple of boys (also my cousins), and what they were up to. It keeps her entertained.

So I decided I would start up a Facebook page of my own so I could at least know what my family was doing even if I was not there doing it with them. I got a little help from one of my daughters, no help from the other - I think she was worried I would creep on her page. Anyway, I set my privacy settings so that no-one could find me, I could only find them. Why?

I don't want to be found. I'm not interested in starting relationships with people I haven't seen since high school. If we aren't hangin out now after all these years, I don't really want to start. But the truth is, maybe they won't like me. Maybe they will remember the old me they went to school with and they will remind me of the shame that keeps me from proclaiming to the world that "I AM a Christian" now. I can't handle the rejection so I just want to stay hidden.

How do you hide on Facebook? So far I have only sent invitations to my family whom I never see, and a few far away friends. I don't understand adding friends if it's people I see regularly. I'm not sure if my whole family will accept my invitation, maybe they don't like me either. My dad was one of eight siblings, and each one of them had two or more kids. I have a large extended family on my dad's side. And though we were all raised Catholic, none of them, not one, to my knowledge, is following Jesus. They are all running clear in the opposite direction. Which quite likely, they may all do to me as well.

And so I hide, like Peter. I don't deny, but I also do not proclaim. I run away. I am staying in touch with my family by simply knowing their life, but I am not sharing mine. You might also notice that my Facebook page is not here on my blog. You too may be shocked by my family. So I am keeping you away from them as well! I'm living somewhat of a double life.

Oh the freedom not to care......

I Am Seeking The Different

2011-01-17T06:30:00.005-07:00

Last week I read a blog by Lynn at Place to Create and she suggested trying something different, in a manner of speaking. I encourage you to head over and read her full post Seeking the Different, and then come on back so you know what I am talking about and what inspired me.

I have to say that I haven't always been sure what my blog was about other than its name "Pearls of Wisdom" and where it came from. My mind does not run in a single direction, it runs every where all at once. So many things interest me that I find I try to organize my thoughts, give them more purpose, more direction, more meaning. But alas, it has all escaped me. What I do know is that I take my inspiration from so many different places, things, ideas and concepts, that I thought I would share some of what I see daily with all of you.

Anyone who has been following for any length of time knows I like change, but when the change is perfect, I stop...and move on to changing something else. Like my blog. I've changed the template so many times looking for the one that best represents me, but this last one has fit the longest. I have changed who I follow, my writing style, my ideas and my approach to other blogs. Today I want to share some of the blogs that I am following in my sidebar.

A Prophet In The Making: Do I really have to explain that one?
Crystal Mary Lindsey: Who is currently awaiting an Ark in Australia
G.R.I.P.: I simply checked in on a new follower and it got my creative juices flowing
The Old Geezer: Because everyone needs one in their lives
Yesu Garden: Life in India

REALLY?! Could they all be more different than that? Oh I have more. Some I don't share in the side bar just yet, not until I'm ready to show another side of me. I have so many sides, it is just all so confusing for others to follow. But I dare you to just try.

Food For Thought...A Pearl For You.

2011-01-14T06:30:00.004-07:00

Hi all! I don't know about you but there never seems to be a computer where you need one when you have a good idea. I get all of my idea's while I'm in the shower, and as far as I know....no such thing as an affordable waterproof laptop. My showers would take twice as long anyways, so not really saving money. But I veer, back to my good idea or "pearl" for today.

With it being January, or a New Year, I know that many have resolutions or goals to eat healthier or simply endeavour to eat less. In doing so you may find that you are turning down invitations to meet friends at restaurants because you have a tendency to over eat and eat the wrong foods. Well, I have a friend who always goes on line to look at the restaurants menu before she goes and is also able to see what the best or most nutritional choice would be. So her mind is made up before she even gets to the restaurant. As a matter of fact she doesn't even crack the menu when she gets there, too much temptation to change her mind!

For example, Doug and I have been invited out for lunch and we got to pick the restaurant. We are going to Original Joe's and I have decided to have the Pacific Rim Noodle Bowl. I just checked and they don't have the nutritional breakdown of their menu yet. But I know that Earl's and Joey Tomatoes does, Doug uses it all the time when he is trying to eat well and still manage to take out customers for lunch.

So I'm passing this pearl onto you. If you fail to plan.... you are planning to fail.

Am I A Judas? Are YOU?

2011-01-11T06:30:00.002-07:00

Does this happen to you, or is it just me?

I was recently in Arizona visiting my mother in law while she was getting cancer treatment. My in-laws don't live there, they are Canadian but own a property down south. They are snowbirds. Anyway, just before I left to come back home I went and had a manicure and pedicure. It was very cheap, only $33 total, but made me happy none the less.

I'm not sure when it happened but I was admiring my nails and a thought occurred to me. Did I really need that? Shouldn't I be donating my money to something more substantial? To charity? To the poor? To the church? Should I not wear make-up or get my hair done? Where does it end?

No really, where does it end?

Shane Claiborne states in his book The Irresistible Revolution, "We can volunteer in a social program or distribute excess food and clothing through organizations and never have to open up our homes, our beds, our dinner tables." He goes on to say that he's convinced Jesus will not declare "when I was hungry, you gave a check to the United Way and they fed me, or, when I was naked, you donated clothes to the Salvation Army and they clothed me."

Is every little effort just not enough, or should we all have to give everything we have just like the rich young man in Mark 10:21? Do you ever catch yourself wondering if you should be doing more? I do, it can be very overwhelming. Should I be feeling convicted because I don't give up everything I have? Is that what God wants? I know we are all parts of the same body and we all have different purposes, but sometimes I think we question our motives and the motives of others.

When Judas questioned the amount of expensive perfume poured over Jesus feet in John 12:5, his motives weren't really for the poor. Have others made you feel that you weren't giving enough? Were their motives to give to the poor or to point out that they were contributing more? Am I choosing to go with less because I truly believe I want to give more, or, am I being a martyr and really it's just about making me feel better somehow about going without for a good cause?

Am I a Judas? Are you?

Can you give me a hand here?

Because We Are All Talking About It....

2011-01-05T06:30:00.002-07:00

There is a New Year's buzz around many blogs about relationships and friends right now. I always go looking for relationship building opportunities {i.e.. coffee talk with friends}, even to the detriment of my household chores and even supper! As a stay at home mom, while the kids are at school, it can be lonely doing the same thing over and over again each day with no-one to talk to or hang with. Even talking on the phone while I do chores does not always fill the need for intimacy with friends. I need to physically be with my friends.

Well it turns out it is so healthy for me, that to NOT do it would be more detrimental than smoking!

True story! Read below:

A thought to share....from a friend......
"I just finished taking an evening class at Stanford. The last lecture was on the mind-body connection--the relationship between stress and disease. The speaker (head of psychiatry at Stanford) said, among other things, that one of the best things that a man could do for his health was to be married to a woman, whereas for a woman, one of the best things she could do for her health was to nurture her relationships with her girlfriends. At first everyone laughed, but he was serious.

Women connect with each other differently and provide support systems that help each other to deal with stress and difficult life experiences. Physically this quality 'girlfriend time' helps us to create more serotonin--a neurotransmitter that helps combat depression and can create a general feeling of well being. Women share feelings whereas men often form relationships around activities. They rarely sit down with a buddy and talk about how they feel about certain things or how their personal lives are going. Jobs? Yes. Sports? Yes. Cars? Yes. Fishing, hunting, golf? Yes. But their feelings?--rarely. Women do it all of the time. We share from our souls with our sisters, and evidently that is very good for our health. He said that spending time with a friend is just as important to our general health as jogging or working out at a gym.

There's a tendency to think that when we are 'exercising' we are doing something good for our bodies, but when we are hanging out with friends, we are wasting our time and should be more productively engaged--not true. In fact, he said that failure to create and maintain quality personal relationships with other humans is as dangerous to our physical health as smoking! So every time you hang out to schmooze with a gal pal, just pat yourself on the back and congratulate yourself for doing something good for your health! We are indeed very, very lucky. Soooo let's toast to our friendship with our girlfriends. It's very good for our health."

I do not know who the original author of the above story is, but whether or not it is completely true, I can attest to the fact that when I call a friend on the phone, my mood is definitely elevated by the time our conversation is over.

How about you?

Where My Mind Wanders....Part II

2011-01-03T06:30:00.002-07:00

I've been thinking....again. I've been thinking about the things people do in the name of God. They do it in God's name, and for God, but did God tell them to do it?

Let's take for example abortion. Hot topic. I was over at Tyler's blog Titus 2:3-5 and she wanted to know "what gets you fired up?" She mentioned that during her college years she couldn't just sit idly by and listen without saying something. That "fired her up" and also helped her to realize what her calling was. ( If you want some help figuring out what your calling is, go check her post "What's your calling?")

Anyway, it got me thinking. About pro-life and pro-choice. I understand pro-life because of who I am. I also understand the long term effects physically and emotionally. I understand pro-choice as well, at least from my point of view. I understand self centeredness and not wanting to be responsible....at all. I have sorrow for the helpless child, and for the mother who will miss out on the gift of parenting that child. I have sorrow for all the what ifs that will follow.

Anyway, it got me to thinking of all the children that died when Pharaoh killed all the Hebrew babies, but Moses was spared. Or what about all the babies killed because Herod was worried about the coming King of the prophecies? Is it because God didn't tell someone to save any of them? Was it still part of God's plan?

I'm not sure I've read anywhere in the bible that God instructed His chosen ones to interfere in the life of those who they lived near, or who lived in their land. Not in Moses day. Not in Jesus day. In the old testament God's people were told to repent. In the new testament, repentance was preached to everyone if you were willing to listen, but if someone didn't want to hear it, they moved on (John 6:66). The disciples were told to go and preach and baptize and make disciples. If no one listened or would have them, they were to shake the dust from their feet (Mark 6:7-13).

When should we shake the dust from out feet?

How do you know when the need is actually the call?

This is not a blog post about choosing pro-life or pro-choice or why. These are simply my wandering thoughts.

T-Y-L-E-R spells Encouragement

2011-01-01T12:20:00.000-07:00

I am surveying all the blogs I missed since heading down to sunny, but chilly, Arizona in the middle of December. I caught up finally, and am now starting the reading of New Year's Blog's, the best of 2010, etc. Not to be out done I decided I should start thinking about putting a blog post out soon as well. I don't like going along with themes, unless I am really moved, because I figure people will be bored of reading the same things over and over again by the time they stop here.

So I went back over my blogs from last year.....

I was going to pick my favorite one from every month.....

The only thing that stuck out in all of my blogs was that my friend Tyler over at Titus 2:3-5, was my sole supporter. She faithfully left comments on every blog post she read. Sometimes it was a simple "me too" and other times it was words of wisdom or prayer. Tyler is a real life friend as well as a blog friend. She is the one who got me started blogging, she gave me my first blog award, and she encouraged me when she would talk about something she read in my blog that day. I can't say for sure who really reads my blogs everyday, but for most of my first year I was absolutely sure that Tyler did.

If you stopped here today because you regularly read my blog, please take the time to hop over to Tyler's blog. Let her know that you were there by leaving a "hello I'm here, or, I just stopped in" it would be an encouragement to her from me. I know there are some out there who read my blog but are not listed as followers, nor do they have a google ID. You can leave a comment as 'anonymous' if you like, I think she would really appreciate your comments.

So I guess I am starting my year paying it forward. Thank you Tyler for coming to Sherwood Park, for joining my small group, for answering my many questions about blogs, about life and for being a great bloggy friend.

I am still going to leave a list of my favorite blogs of 2010, just in case you missed them!

*Toilet Paper and the Holy Spirit

*Sin is like plaque in my teeth

*It's like you don't even know me

*How can you see?

*A Myriad of Distractions

These are just a few, so let me know what your favorites are and then go check on Tyler's blog and see what she's up to. Stay a while there and see what she's about and maybe even add her to your favorite's list so you can keep up with what's new. And above all.....

Have a Happy New Year.

Who Are Your Friends?

2010-12-27T06:30:00.002-07:00

I'm curious. Who are YOUR friends?

My friends are the moms I have met through my kids, mostly. I have only a few high school friends still kicking around that I consider my close friends. But they are not the ones I would call in a pinch, they don't really live close enough. My closest friends are the ones I surround my self with when I need encouragement, they are the ones who call me when they need encouragement, but mostly they are the ones who know me well enough to call me out when I'm headed down the wrong path and then set me right again.

If you work outside your home, do you consider your friends to be the people you work with? I wonder....if your job or employment ceased to exist for any reason, like retirement or life change, are these the people you would call on if you needed a ride to emergency? They may stay your friends for a while, but how long exactly are they likely to keep the relationship up if you no longer share the common denominator of your employer?

I consider my neighbours to be my friends, but not my close friends. We have different people in our lives for different purposes. Party friends, friends who are good at listening, friends who are good at serving and helping in times of need, girl trip friends, running and work out friends, work friends, neighbour friends, you get the picture right? Sometimes my friends fill in more than one role. I've never liked to make the people I work with and live around {neighbours}, my closest personal friends. Sometimes we can have disagreements, misunderstandings, or a plain old falling out. It makes working together very uncomfortable, and living next door even more uncomfortable. I don't want to have to quit my job or move!

Are your friends the people you go to church with? Do you also have friends who don't go to church or even believe in God? Would you consider the people outside your circle to also be your friends or just acquaintances?

I'm wondering because I don't think everyone knows who they can really count on...

Do you know who you can really count on? Do they also know they can count on YOU?

Quote For The Day

2010-12-20T06:30:00.003-07:00

"Our character is a complex interaction between God's writing of our body and background, the contributions others make to our life, and our unique participation in co-writing our story with God."

Dan Allender

Session 4, Stage 2 of Verge3

Just Threads in Life's Tapestry

2010-12-13T06:30:00.000-07:00

Have you heard the story of Joseph? You know the one. He bragged to his brothers that they would all bow to him one day. So they decided it was time to get rid of him and sold him as a slave but told their dad that he was killed. This is the extremely short version, if you want the whole story you can find it in Genesis 37-50. Anyway, the point of my babbling is that all of the life experiences he endured prepared him for God's plan of running the Pharaoh's kingdom eventually. But he didn't know that. He didn't know that what he was going through would prepare him for something else, in retrospect he could probably see it though.

Can you see anywhere you may have been prepared for something by God, in retrospect?

I'd like to share a story with you. Back in the early 90's my sister and I bought our parents a puppy. Their dog of about 15 years had recently died, and my parents seemed lost without their buddy. My mom did all the training, and my dad ignored the dog. He could have cared less. It wasn't until "Willie" got into some rat poison at the neighbours house that my dad realized he did like the little devil! Well, the dog survived and could always be found following my dad around or going for car rides together.

Over the years as Willie got older, he became a little more high maintenance than their previous dog. My parents think it had something to do with the rat poison incident. Anyway, Willie started to go blind and needed insulin shots daily! Can you imagine? So my parents needed to give their dog his shots every day for at least a year before he finally died.

So what?

Well, let me tell you what is happening now. My mother in law is in Arizona seeking medical attention from the Mayo clinic because she has cancer. She was diagnosed back in September/October but has heard nothing from the Cross Cancer institute on what they are going to do about it. My father in law was getting worried and tired of waiting and so made the phone call to the Mayo and....well now you are all caught up.

And now for the rest of the story....

My mom is down in Arizona attending to all my mother in law's needs. Since she's been sick she has been unable to clean the house, do laundry, make supper, etc. She pretty much sleeps off and on all day. She started her treatment on December 6th and was admitted to the hospital for blood clots on December 10th. She is however resting comfortably back at home. {Thank you everyone who has been and is still praying for her}. Do you know what happens to patients who are sent home with a blood clot? They require two shots of heparin a day until their oral medication can catch up. Do you know who is giving my mother in law her shots? MY MOTHER. My father in law couldn't do it. Hospitals make him queasy, let alone giving needles to anyone. They thought about hiring someone to come by the house twice a day to give her the shots. But because my mom had practice giving her dog his shots all those years ago, the doctors said she was qualified!

That's just coincidence right? Maybe. {I heard a radio host say coincidence is when God chooses to remain anonymous}. But my mom and my mother in law are not long time friends or acquaintances. It was only this past summer that my mother in law began inviting my mom to the cabin, before she ever knew she was sick. My mom is single and my mother in law said there was more than enough room for her. Mom just retired this summer and so was able to come out to the cabin almost every other week. Maybe she thought she was intruding, or even worrying about outstaying her welcome. I know she enjoyed herself and relaxed and did what ever she felt like, but was also helpful around the cabin with indoor and outdoor chores and maintenance. I think it was the beginning of a new friendship.

But I can't imagine that Mom had the foresight to predict that giving her dog insulin shots daily, and being helpful out at the family cabin to show her appreciation for their hospitality, would prepare her for flying down to Arizona to look after a new friend and administer needles twice a day. Can you? I believe God had a plan. As much as that little dog was a pain for my parents, we often referred to him as a lemon, his being sick was a part of God's plan to prepare my mom today.

You see, all of life's experiences are like threads woven into a tapestry. Each individual thread intersects and loops around other individual threads. It is not until all the threads are together and woven into the bigger picture that we can see how beautiful the whole tapestry is. And who could even imagine the intricacy of the loops and intersecting threads at the beginning that form a beautiful piece of art at the end?

Sacrificing For Children

2010-12-04T10:24:00.000-07:00

I recently wrote a post about sacrificing children, because I never for the life of me would have thought it was a real problem today. I suggested that possibly money was an idol that we as parents sacrifice our kids to. More money means more opportunity, better education, better health care, better home life, and less suffering in need. The trap is in the opportunity. It's the love of money that is the root of all evil, it is NOT the money itself. Once opportunity is achieved, if the next step is thinking more money means more opportunity, then the value has moved from how best to achieve a better life to.... how best to achieve more and more and more opportunity. Money is now your idol.

Ron, over at The Old Geezer blog, states that an idol can be defined as "worship or reverence given to any created object or person." You know if something is your idol if you place its worth at the top of your list of values and ahead of your worship and reverence for God. You may be thinking "Oh, money is not my idol. It doesn't control me. Everything I earn goes to my family, and we always consider whether we really need it, can we afford it, and do we even want it." But Ron suggested that even our kids could be our idol.

Have you considered that your children could be your idol?

How is it even possible to worship your kids? In an effort not to get too technical or psychological {because I have training in neither one of these areas}, I'd like to offer some examples of how NOT to raise our children to be our idols. These are personal examples I've either witnessed and used or actually experienced, not simply head knowledge based on a book that I've read.

*The bible says we are to offer ourselves as living sacrifices (Romans 12:1) holy, and pleasing to God. But often times as parents we offer ourselves as sacrifices to our children, hoping that we are pleasing to our children. An example that comes to mind is not saying "no" to kids because they may not like us. I see this especially in the teen years, because that is where I am right now. Adults try to be friends with their kids instead of the role model.

*Proverbs 22:6 says direct your children onto the right path, and when they are older, they will not leave it (NLT). When done incorrectly, when the children direct the parents, I've witnessed children who don't leave home! I know of a 50 something year old man that lived with his dad right up until his dad died. There was no direction for him, no planning, and certainly no path. He never even got on the path! {He still lives in his dad's home today. His siblings have forfeited their inheritance in order not to have their brother on the street.}

*Proverbs 1:32, the waywardness of the simple will kill them, and the complacency of fools will destroy them. We are talking wisdom here, and the book of Proverbs is full of wisdom. We need to be instilling wisdom in our kids so they can make good choices on their own. I've seen young adults who can't make any decisions on their own. Their lives have been spent listening to their parents, which is good, but not learning how to be wise on their own. Sometimes as parents we fail to let our kids make mistakes, we just hate to see our kids fail at something. So before they make any mistakes we stop them from whatever they are doing and they learn nothing. We keep the wisdom to ourselves leaving our children to be simple minded.

Here is something I think about when observing my own parenting or that of another....

What in the world am I setting the future spouse of my child up for?

Do you have any examples to share? I know I don't even come close to scratching the surface here. I am asking and even pleading....share your wisdom with me and with others, please?!

Sacrificing Children

2010-11-23T08:19:00.000-07:00

Isn't that something old testament like? Who does that? Didn't the Mayan's do that as a ritual to please their gods? How could anyone sacrifice children? It's gross, barbaric, unforgivable!

Talking about values the other day got me to thinking about sacrificing children to idols (Isaiah 57:5 and Ezekiel 23:39). Not my children, but other children. Children I don't know, children I've never heard of or met. I don't know why. I was watching Sports Desk with my husband so really, my thoughts should have been just about anywhere but where they ended up. So why am I thinking about sacrificing children to idols?

I wonder how many people said that family was their number one value. I live in a place where everyone I know owns their own home (or has a mortgage), has two cars, kids in extracurricular activities and they take tropical vacations at least once a year. Oh and don't forget the toys - ATV's, motorhomes, vacation homes, cellphones for everyone, laptops, big screen TV's, you get the idea. Both parents work full time, or maybe it is just one parent who works twice as hard. If I asked them 'where do you spend most of your time' they might suggest that it is driving kids here and there, or working to pay for all of the activities and luxuries the kids take for granted. What might be the answer to 'where do you find yourself giving the most effort' if I asked these same people?

I'm a stay at home mom. I am not going to say I'm proud to be a stay at home mom, frankly I think I suck at it! {Teenagers have that effect on parenting}. When I first had my kids, I really thought I was going to stay at home, yet my husband said no way! I guess he felt I wouldn't be contributing enough if I stayed at home. After six months I changed my tune and decided I was going back to work, it was just too hard. I couldn't believe I was completely responsible for these two little lives! It was too much responsibility and way too lonely and difficult. My husband? He also changed his tune. He now wanted me to stay home.

I think working would be easier.

There are women out there who have gone to work for this reason. Oh, there were other reasons. They were bored, needed to feel some worth, needed community and friends, wanted conversations with adults, needed to use their brain, you name it. (They didn't like having to ask hubby for money - but that is a different post). But they didn't NEED to work. They didn't need the money. But once they were at work what they found was a form of freedom. Earning an extra wage meant buying things they wanted but didn't have to save for. It meant going places they've never been before like shopping sprees across the border, or vacations that meant warm sand and water while the weather at home is more like my heavily frosted deep freezer!

It is not only those who are at paying jobs who fall into this trap either. Take for example volunteering. It becomes something to fill the time without the commitment of having to clock in at 8am and out at 5pm. It fills the need of feeling worthy, you find community and friends, you can use your gifts and talents, etc. All the same reasons for getting a job.

I have no problem with either one of these things. Go ahead and get a job. Go ahead and volunteer at something that you feel passionate about. But once there, make sure that it does not become your idol. Keep asking yourself "where do you spend most of your time, money, and effort? What do you think about the most and what makes you worry, or causes pain or anger when you don't have it? What quality or character to you admire most in others?"

When the answers become less about the family and more about self, position, power, and things.....you may actually be sacrificing your children to idols.

Values vs. Ideals-an exercise for YOU

2010-11-21T09:18:00.000-07:00

I came across something in my Verge3 study a couple weeks ago that I thought I would share. It helps you to see what you really believe are your values as opposed to what you would really like to be your values (better known as your ideals). What do you believe are your values? Family? Honesty? Accomplishment?

Are you sure?

Values: deeply held beliefs act as guides for our decision-making, steering us in our choices of how to do what we desire to do. They are matters of the heart that result in commitments.

Ideals: the values we desire to hold.

Here are a few questions to help you discover yours.
1. What do you spend most of your time doing?
2. What do you find yourself thinking about most often?
3. What do you spend your money on?
4. Where do you find yourself giving the most effort?
5. What causes you worry or pain or anger, especially if you don't have it?
6. What qualities of character do you notice and admire in others? What kind of people do you like to hang out with?

Go ahead.....I'll wait. Take a minute and really think about the answers to your questions. You don't have to tell me either if it helps you to be more honest with your answers. This is about you.

How did you do? Did what you say were your values match your actions?

National Collection Week November 15-21

2010-11-15T08:00:00.001-07:00

It's Finally Here! It is Operation Christmas Child's National Collection Week November 15-21, 2010. We have already been quite busy collecting boxes ahead of time.

We have had many people organize a shoebox drive competition between their businesses across Canada. This particular business/organization rallied to bring in over 1,000 boxes! They brought in so many boxes that they needed a pick up truck and trailer just to carry them all. Way to go!

Look at all those boxes and just think about all those happy kids! This is only just the beginning. More and more boxes will be brought in to collection sites all over the world. Our particular collection site is only collecting until November 19th and then the big truck comes to take the boxes to a processing centre. At the processing center, people volunteer to go through the boxes one by one to make double sure that all of the boxes are packed properly using the guidelines given by Samaritan's Purse. To find a collection site near you (in Canada or internationally), go to the Samaritan's Purse website.

Did you know that you can pack a shoebox on-line? All shoeboxes packed on-line will be going directly to Haiti. So if your heart is specifically geared for Haitian people, or if you have run out of time to shop and still want to participate, go here. If you would like to make a donation on-line please go to this link.

Well I guess you know where I will be all week....

Volunteer Observations

2010-11-09T06:30:00.001-07:00

I am a volunteer. Depending on where I am at any given moment, I volunteer for many different organizations, people and causes. Last week my volunteer duties had me hanging out in a warehouse for nine hours just waiting for Christmas Shoeboxes to arrive so they could be boxed up and sent out to waiting children a world away. I had a good time visiting with those who stopped in, as well as making little bead bracelets to put into more shoeboxes with other volunteers.

What I noticed is that we were all women. We did have a gentleman there for part of the day, but he was filling in for his wife who had committed to helping but became otherwise engaged elsewhere. It was mostly women. It was women who brought the full shoe boxes from their schools, businesses, and families. Teachers, retired teachers, stay at home moms, business women, women who made us all food to sustain us through the day. Women, women, women! I bet we had four guys all day.

We are clearly designed that way. We see a need that touches our heart and we fill it. We have different gifts and talents that are put to good use, and we volunteer. But as I was driving home that evening, it occurred to me why it may mostly be women who do the majority of volunteering. Although men also see a cause and are willing to give their time, more often than not, women are filling these roles because they have the time, need a purpose, see the results of their labor, but also because they feel valued.

I believe that as women we are more willing to work for less, very little, or for nothing if we know we are valued. I know that often times men feel worthy based on their success or monetary value. That is also how they were designed. They are providers, hunters and gatherer's, and their success is based on how well they did those things for the ones that they love. For us girls, it is different. Yes, I would like to be so good and successful at something that it brings in boatloads of cash, but ultimately it is me I want you to see. Not my talent or gift. Is what I'm doing worthy? Did it make a difference in someone's life? Are you a better person for having known me?

I mean, who wants to be good at something that brings you money and notoriety if no-one even likes you? I don't. It's lonely.

I am a stay at home mom of teenage girls, a dog, retired parents, three nephews and a niece, a husband and miscellaneous family members and friends. Can I just say, those are volunteer jobs too?! I don't get paid with money, or rarely a compliment, and I have yet to receive a thank you card expressing gratitude for my time and job well done. But they do matter to me, and to them. Volunteering for an organization or worthy cause though has resulted in seeing how much I enjoy interacting with people, taking charge in a frenzy, meeting the needs of others who can't even express their gratitude as well as those who do. It is a purpose with a tangible result. I made a difference. That result isn't even measurable like paycheques and bonuses, it is felt. Storing up treasures in heaven.

Oh.... what really is my point? I'm rambling here.

Why do I volunteer? Because I want to be a part of something that matters and I will do it for many hours even if I don't get paid. I know my husband can't quite wrap his head around spending all that time doing something I won't get paid for. A little bit of time maybe. But hundreds of hours in a year? I feel valued. If I was volunteering and no one ever talked to me, never said thank you, didn't care what I was capable of, only used me to fill spots left vacant by others.....would I stay? No. You wouldn't be getting the best of me. I want to give you what I have to offer, and I want to give it free of charge.

I want to do what I was created to do, with the talents and gifts I received when I was knit together in my mother's womb (Psalm 139:13). That brings me joy! That's it! Oh thanks for hanging in there until I was able to put into words what my mind was reeling on about. I want to do what I was created by God to do. Was I created to volunteer? No, no. Created to be in community and build relationship. Created to lead a team, serve a team and problem solve. Created to serve my leader with my time, my mind and ideas. Created to be where God decided I would go, long before the world was created (Ephesians 1:4,11). My calling.

"Vocation (calling) is the place where the heart's deep gladness meets the world's deep hunger." Sharon Daloz Parks

"If we are Christians, we must spend our lives in the service of God and man." John Stott

"Enjoying God and loving people as I seek faithfully to use my gifts and opportunities to His glory." Charles Drew
What is your calling? Have you figured it out?

Husband's Can Answer Prayer Too

2010-11-08T06:30:00.001-07:00

In my Verge3 group last week, the ladies and I discussed the possibility of not really knowing what love is. To love genuinely, and to be loved unconditionally. If I really and truly believed that God loved me, why would I care what others thought of me? If I was truly filled with God's love, it would be overflowing and it would show in my actions especially to my family, and all the more so when they don't show any appreciation back!

As a mom of teenage girls, not a day goes by that I don't feel alone, unappreciated, like I'm persona non grata for one reason or another. Undervalued, underpaid, and overworked. Okay that last one is a stretch. I work really hard at keeping my family's best interests as my priority, but even still it can leave some time on my hands. I am not overworked. My point is that at some stage of the day I will disappoint one daughter or both because of conflicting values, ideals, attitudes and understanding. It often leaves me feeling a little rejected. Teenagers are not yet ready to agree to disagree, while respecting my parental authority. It can just wreak havoc on the remaining mental hours I have left until I choose to sleep , so I am fervently in prayer in the morning that my day will go well early so I am not deflated the whole day, maybe just part of it! Oh, have some mercy please!

Thursday was that day.

It felt like a long week. Please Lord let my ~~children~~ young adults wake up joyfully today! Help me to know that I am valued even if no-one shows it or says so! Just give me something to keep me going!

....and while I was waiting for my husband to finish taking out the garbage so I could give him a kiss good-bye for the day, I realized he had driven off without so much as a wave of his hand or a honk of the horn. So I did what any needy woman in my state would have done.

I picked up the phone and called him {read with a happy, joking attitude. I was trying to make light of it}.

"How good is it to start the day by leaving a hormonal woman alone with two hormonal daughters, with out any affection?"

"Not a good way to start?" was his reply.

As we joked about the moodiness of three women and one man in a home, poor guy, I saw his truck pull back up in front of our home because he had turned around. He came back for me!

He loves me! He really loves me! He didn't have to, and really I thought he had gotten already quite far away from the house. I thought he might just chuckle and say a little "sorry, I'll make it up to you" and be on his way. But he instead turned his trusty steed around and began to gallop towards our home.....uh, sorry, a little romance there. He actually drives a Ram, so I guess he turned his sheep around and swiftly trotted? A girl can dream. Whatever. I love that little shepherd.

Thank you God for a husband whose effort showed me I am valued.

Lessons In Leadership

2010-11-02T06:30:00.002-06:00

Have you ever heard me say, be careful what you pray (or simply think) about? Of course you have. It is not always what I pray about that God brings answers to, it is more often what I think about that He will challenge me. It makes me think of the verse in Matthew 7:1-2. My thoughts are judging thoughts. I have even found that although I may not speak words to my thoughts, knowing that would be judgmental, it can sometimes be difficult to mask the look on my face which speaks volumes! The lesson I learned this week has to do with the above mentioned verse, and the fact that yes, I AM JUDGING, and therefore I will be judged with the same measure I used.

I have been involved with women's ministry at my church for many years. I had just recently decided that I was going to take a step back and evaluate my reasons for leading small groups, or for being a part of a leadership team. I was being told I was part of the team, but in reality I didn't really feel like I was. Why? I didn't know what was going on or what was coming up, I didn't really feel like I was any part of the decision making process. I'm not sure I was actually supposed to be, but in my mind I thought that is what it entailed. If I am not part of the process, how then am I a part of the team? Without realizing it, I was judging my leaders. I had made up my mind that they were not doing their job to involve me, inform me, or help me to feel like I belonged on the team. I blamed them.

I am now a team leader but for a different ministry. I still have a leader that I must follow and take direction from, but I also have a team, or at least I did. A member of my team is now considering that she may no longer wish to participate, because she did not feel like she was a true member of a team. Hmmm, where have I heard that before? In truth, I thought about her all last week. I thought I should call her and check in with her and see how she is doing. But I didn't. I had nothing to report, no idea what I was even supposed to be doing, so how could I encourage her? If I had just picked up the phone, or sent an email, or in any way just let her know that I was thinking of her....we may be in a different place right now. This was definitely a lesson for me.

Yes, I was to blame. I accept that. Just as in fact my leaders need to accept that they too played a small part in how I felt adrift. But I am choosing to learn from this lesson. I judged my leaders, and now I am being judged in the exact way and manner I used to judge them. Here I am learning about servant leadership and a sense of belonging. I will now eat my words. Munch, munch, munch. I am going to take notes so I can go back and review them. I once heard it said that the worst offenders are the best teachers because they show you what NOT to do.

I have started by admitting my part in my teammate feeling like she wasn't as important as the "leader" and I have apologized. That was step one. Step two will be to beg and plead for her to stay, and to let her know how important she really is. Step three will be to maintain regular, authentic, communication whether or not I have anything new to say. Step four, which will become my new step one after today, will be to begin it all with prayer and then listen to what God is saying without questioning how.

Pick up the phone and say hello.

Oops! I Did It Again....

2010-10-26T06:30:00.018-06:00

I scrubbed another session on the elliptical trainer because my mind was racing towards a single point I had to make. Let me quote what I read this morning:

"Somehow we have come to believe that good leadership requires a safe distance from those we are called to lead. . . service takes place in a one-way direction. Someone serves, someone else is being served, and be sure not to mix up the roles! But how can we lay down our life for those with whom we are not even allowed to enter into a deep personal relationship? Laying down your life means making your own faith and doubt, hope and despair, joy and sadness, courage and fear available to others as ways of getting in touch with the Lord of life."

And I would like to add to that last sentence. . . and getting in touch with a real and authentic community and sense of belonging.

I have been in a leadership position on many different occasions. Not because it is what I chose but because I simply said I was willing, but not because I felt able. I have to admit that I must have had a skewed definition for leadership because I didn't believe I was the leader, only that I was leading until an actual leader came along. I confess I did {and sometimes still do} distance myself from those I am leading. It is an us and them mentality, like we are not at all on the same level. I am serving you, you are being served, but it's not supposed to be the other way around. Right?

Wrong.

So far in my limited experience as leader, I have discovered that what others may think is a good quality of leadership in me is the fact that I will share myself, my broken pieces of my life, my failures, my fears and even my stupid thoughts. Anything that would take me off the darn pedestal we tend to either put ourselves on, or those who will follow are tempted to hoist a would be leader on. I do it selfishly though. I'm not doing it for your benefit, so that somehow we can relate better and you can get to know me. I do it so you won't be disappointed when you finally figure out I am fatally flawed. I couldn't handle the rejection. So I reject myself right in front of you, and strange beyond strange, you accept me more. Talk about backwards.

Back to the quote at the top of the post. Many of my leaders are doing just that exact form of leadership to me. They distance themselves from me so that they are serving me, but I am not truly serving them. They ask how I am doing, how is my walk with God, is there anything they can pray for me. Then they serve me and I am being served. Inwardly though, I really want to know I matter enough that they might also share with me. Not in a convoluted, non-descriptive way of telling me something while not really telling me anything. Somehow their struggles are too much for me to handle. They are not sharing themselves with me. I do not feel like I am in community, I feel like an underling, they are superior. This is not authentic community. This is another reason why I do not feel like I belong. I mentioned in my post "A Sense of Belonging" that the reason I don't feel like I belong is because I don't bring me to our community, I bring the idea of me that I think you would accept. Well to that I now add that you also must bring you, not the idea of what you think I need!

In closing I leave you with another quote from the same book "Therefore, true ministry must be mutual."

(All quotes are from Henri J.M. Nouwen's book, In the Name of Jesus.)

A Sense of Belonging

2010-10-21T06:30:00.036-06:00

I've heard it many times. I've said it myself. I just don't feel like I belong. I really want to belong, and if I just keep trying I might actually feel like I do belong. So what is missing?

In my effort to belong, I try to make you believe that I am a perfect fit. I like some of what you like, I think similar thoughts, I have good advice and I'm a good listener. I even know lot's of stuff! But I don't share me. I don't share how I am really feeling or what I am going through because it would look weak. I don't want to scare you away already by telling you that I struggle. So I try to live up to the idea that I belong, to make you see I am the person who you believe me to be. It reminds of the song Stained Glass Masquerade by Casting Crowns: {Take the time to really think about these words, DON'T just read them}

*Is there anyone that fails / Is there anyone that falls / Am I the only one in church today feelin' so small
Cause when I take a look around / Everybody seems so strong / I know they'll soon discover / That I don't belong.
*So I tuck it all away, like everything's okay / If I make them all believe it, maybe I'll believe it too / So with a painted grin, I play the part again / So everyone will see me the way that I see them

*Are we happy plastic people / Under shiny plastic steeples / With walls around our weakness / And smiles to hide our pain / But if the invitation's open / To every heart that has been broken / Maybe then we close the curtain on our stained glass masquerade.

*The performance is convincing / And we know every line by heart / Only when no one is watching / Can we really fall apart
*But would it set me free / If I dared to let you see / The truth behind the person / That you imagine me to be
*Would your arms be open / Or would you walk away / Would the love of Jesus / Be enough to make you stay

So this is my answer to my own question 'what is missing?'

Me. I'm missing.

Unless I bring myself to share who I really am, the good, the bad, and the messy-struggling-not so pretty, then all I am bringing is an idea of me. All I will receive back is the idea of belonging.

I can't be a part of anything if it is not myself that I bring.

Experiencing God When I'm High...

2010-10-19T06:30:00.018-06:00

I have a dilema. It is an assault on my belief that I was created with certain qualities that God gave me to enjoy. When using these facets of my personality and character traits, I believe that this also brings joy to God. As a parent, when you know your child is good at something, not just good but great or even gifted, and you see them succeed and progress, does it not bring you joy to see them happy to do what they are obviously gifted at doing? Especially if what they are doing also brings joy and inspiration to others, not just themselves? If they share it and are not selfish?

I am in a course right now called Verge3. Spiritual Formation. Transformational. Exploring a specific calling. Part of the reading for this course is Living Your Strengths by Albert L. Winseman, Donald O. Clifton, and Curt Liesveld. I have only gotten as far as the preface, still the first page, and already I have hopped off the elliptical trainer to run upstairs and blog my thoughts before I forget. The cover of the book states "maybe you're a passionate member who wants to become even more involved, and would also like to inspire others" and goes on to suggest that "more than half of churchgoers report that they don't get to do what they do best in their congregations. And this is driving them away."

Where am I going?

Right. Gifted and high. I feel useless. Many times I want to be a part of something, I just don't know where I fit. Sometimes I find myself filling the blanks that others haven't, yet. No spark, no love, no joy. I'll keep my eyes open for what God may be wanting to show me while I'm there, but that does not mean I am where I am supposed to be. It becomes part of my training, but not my calling. But I have to tell you, I have friends that are nothing more than spiritual-high junkies. Always moving from one project to another when becoming bored. They get 'high' from stepping out and doing something they feel challenged by or have never done or never want to do, but then feel a wee bit let down after achieving the task or when it becomes too common again. So they move on to the next thing. How deep is a spiritual relationship with God when your motto is "I think I should do this because I don't want to."?! Are you experiencing God or are you experiencing a mountaintop feeling based on the adrenaline rush brought on by some kind of scary and out there idea and accomplishment?

Let me just say, God will use it. He doesn't waste a thing. He is the original reduce, reuse, recycle inventor. Anything we set out to do for God, even if it is not what He intended for us to do, He will use it. I just happen to believe that if you actually do what you are created to do, you will accomplish so much more. Maybe it is my belief system and understanding that goes directly against those who feel their calling is to constantly conquer what they never felt like doing. I guess I'm simply ruffled by being told that I'm not doing enough. This of course based on the fact that I live in North America, I'm not on welfare suffering for the Lord and giving away everything I own, including my husband and family.

Suffering!!! That's it! Is it because there are those who believe I am not serving the Lord fully unless I am suffering? Suffering with poverty, depression, fear {oh I actually suffer with this one}, brokenness, homelessness, a thorn in my side, or because on the outside I look like mediocrity? Suffering with neither the will or desire to do something I don't want to do?

Maybe it's just me.

Hook, Line and ....

2010-10-15T06:30:00.005-06:00

Be careful, and hold on tight. This is a mind bender. I think. It bent my mind a little while I was trying to work out and read a fiction/fantasy book at the same time. It's not a bad book, if you're into that kind of thing. I accidentally started reading it because my husband had it with him on a recent trip we were on, and he wasn't reading it. I read everything. Sometimes twice. Call me crazy but I like to read and I can learn much from historical fiction, but also fantasy fiction it would turn out.

I'm not going into details or mentioning the name or characters of the book, this is not a book review. There are good guys and bad guys and innocent people who get hurt along the way. At a certain point in the book the main character is arguing with his two friends that his way is right, how could all of these innocent people stand in his way of fighting for the the truth? To which the old wise wizard replies "people are stupid! Given the proper motivation they will believe almost anything. They will believe it because they want to or because they are afraid it might be true. People's heads are full of knowledge, facts, and beliefs, and most of it is false, yet they think it is true." He goes on to say that the evil antagonist they are searching for also knows this about people and he uses it. He says "people need an enemy to feel a sense of purpose, and truth is not as important as a sense of purpose." (Okay now that I have actually quoted the book I should tell you the name of the book is WIZARD'S FIRST RULE by Terry Goodkind).

So my mind began to wander, making it harder to focus on reading....

Have you heard it said that the greatest thing Satan ever did was to convince people he didn't exist? There is no right or wrong, it's subjective. Truth looks different to everyone. So what would purpose look like to those who did not want to believe in the power of good and evil, or should I say, what would purpose look like to those who wanted to believe there was no such thing as hell? Just the other day I was in a small group setting with women, and one of them said "I've seen it happen many times, when the kids get older and more independent, the women become depressed because they have no sense of purpose. You need to have a sense of purpose!" This of course makes me think of a verse in 2 Timothy 3:6-7. Funny how that works.

Anyways, back to the purpose of those without purpose. I guess the enemy would look like God and all those who are representatives of Him. That would be Jesus, me, you, church, Billy Graham, America. So what does the enemy of God look like then? If God is the enemy, then the enemy of God is.....

Those who choose not to follow God because they hear {they have not read for themselves}, He has too many rules to follow. They don't want to follow, they want to lead. They don't want to hear the wisdom or knowledge of those who believe in God, they want to be their own god. Their own rules. Making up rules as they go, do what feels good, what makes them happy, what gives them peace, live the way they choose. So purpose for those who do not want to believe in God, would look like doing what they can to oppose God, to disprove His existence, maybe create another god and defend that god. That god may be money, power, education and intelligence {because again I've heard that Christianity is for people who aren't smart enough to think for themselves}, possessions, being a celebrity or being popular. Isn't that how it always is in the books and movies? The bad guy doesn't like to take orders from someone, they would rather be the one to give the orders. So they rebel. Then they spend their lives and purpose making everyone see that they are not a follower, they are THE Leader.

{SINKER} So I guess I've come full circle and just proved my point again about Backwards Landia. Choosing to be a god so you can be the leader, is actually still following. You just didn't know you were following the deceiver.

Backwards Landia

2010-10-13T06:30:00.002-06:00

Did you ever see the episode of Seinfeld about things being opposite or backwards? Where Elaine was suddenly useless and George was a hit with the ladies and his boss thought he was irreplaceable! Things that normally were....suddenly were not. They were opposite.

Something has been niggling the back of my mind for a while. At church a couple weeks ago our worship leader was saying that it was interesting how our king died for us. I think the song he followed with was Amazing Love. Amazing love how can it be, that you my king would die for me? {....and so my mind wanders}.

I see a castle on a hill, and I know there is a king in it. That king has knights, and warriors, and people in his kingdom to protect him. He may not even be a good king, but all of those people would die to protect that king. I've been reading a few historical fiction novels lately, around 11th or 12th century stuff pertaining to kings, castles, knights and nobles, etc. Most of these nobles only protected their king because their king would give them something in return, like a village to collect taxes from for their own gain. Often times nobles would change sides if it suited them and their corporate climb up the ladder. Even politics were a little sketchy back then. They played mind games with one another, shared secrets, traded sides for political power.....oh hang on, that still happens.

Then that song plays in my head. My king died for me. It's backwards. My king died for me, I don't die for him, and he doesn't need my protection. If he hadn't died, I would have no kingdom at all and I would still be a peasant. Since his death I have been adopted to be an heir of his kingdom. All of his nobles are not leaders of people, they are servants of people. His leaders aren't really leading people anywhere, they are simply being followed because they were willing to step up and offer help, or insight, wisdom, or prayer. They didn't rule over others, they were hopefully training others up to take over.

Can you think of any powerful kings or leaders whose plan it was or is to train someone to take over? Sometimes you train someone because you have been promoted, but how often do you train someone to take your job so that you can become less, and in being less you are actually more? By being the greatest you are actually the least.....

Is this backward or forward thinking?

Community Relations Revelation

2010-10-05T06:30:00.002-06:00

Can you hardly believe it? Community Relations. It seems that I have had a heart for many different communities over the years, all of which I am a part of. There is the community of family, of friends, of neighbours, of town, province and country. There are church communities, running communities, things in common communities, and most recently for me blogging communities. Communities within communities. All of which belong to the global community we call home.....for now. Earth.

I guess it makes sense. I am a problem solver, administrative, people and task oriented and I thrive when I am communicating with people. I used to be a nurse, a customer service rep for Superstore, I worked in retail in a clothing store, I've been a receptionist at a life insurance agency, and now I am a mother and wife. All of which require some problem solving and relational capabilities. All of which also require me to be somewhat of a leader. But don't let that deceive you, I'm not all that outgoing. I'm rather loaded with fear.

But what is a leader? I've never been the girl who could motivate anyone to do something they may otherwise not do, I leave that up to my good friend Sandy. Nope, I'm the girl who is sometimes sifted out of an already existing group of people with a common goal, but no-one to help get them there. I naturally gravitate to a leadership position. I. Fight. It. Every. Time. I'm learning to have faith in God because I have no faith in people, maybe that's why I'm not a good motivator.

I recently read a book called "In The Name of Jesus" and it had to do with leadership. Duh. But interestingly enough what the book pointed out was Jesus temptation in leadership. The temptation to be relevant, the temptation to be spectacular or popular, and the temptation to be powerful {all from Satan's misguided effort to tempt Jesus in the desert}. To truly lead means to serve. If I am serving my team, I should be irrelevant, without trying to impress, and not looking to be in control. One thing I will never forget is what a lady in my small group said to me. She realized that if I kept giving her the answers to solve her problems, she was never going to look to God. Awesome. I would just keep getting in the way.

I still don't understand how I got here, but am enjoying the journey of allowing God to be God, while I am not. If I ever give a presentation, the temptation to believe it's up to me and that I could make it or break it, is now safely tucked away somewhere under a rock, hopefully not to be found. I realized a couple days ago that it doesn't matter what I say really. God has already called those that He has called. I am simply showing up to find them, a fisher of men. I am there to serve.

Awesome.

What Do You Think About This?

2010-10-01T06:24:00.000-06:00

Have you heard this one before:

Let him who does wrong continue to do wrong; let him who is vile continue to be vile; let him who does right continue to do right; and let him who is holy continue to be holy.

I don't see anywhere in there where it says point out that which is wrong, vile, or detestable and change their evil ways. Why do you think that is? What is this business of "letting" others do anything as though we had the power to stop it? In case you're wondering, that verse above is Rev. 22:11.

So what are we to do then?

Quote For The Day

2010-09-29T08:20:00.000-06:00

For it is not mere words that nourish the soul, but God Himself, and unless and until the hearer's find God in personal experience, they are not the better for having heard the truth.

A.W. Tozer

Where my mind wanders....

2010-09-24T09:17:00.000-06:00

I was not born a Christian, I was not raised in a churched family. In fact the word Christian did not enter my vocabulary until I was in my 20's, it was a word reserved for fanatics, weirdo's, and cults. Until I actually met one. I was a believer in God and knew who Jesus was, but didn't think he played a major role in the bible story. He was God, but his sacrifice was planned and he knew what was coming, and lets face it....he was God, so it probably was no big woop. Don't worry, I know better now. Jesus is the major player here, and there is just no getting to God without him.

Since I have learned about the importance of Jesus, his life, his death, and his resurrection, I daily have a hard time coming to terms with what my role really is, what is expected of me and how can I know for sure. Pray. Read the bible. Speak the truth in love. Make disciples of the nations. Yadda, yadda. Yes, I yadda-yadda'd the bible. You see I am a rule girl. It would be very easy to read the bible and make a check list of things I need to be doing, and know that I am doing everything right and that I am accepted into heaven when I die. Check.

I KNOW that I am going to heaven when I die, even if I don't complete my checklist. It says so in the bible. It's what I'm doing down here on this rock that often has me confused. Like:

*Why do so many think that their work for God has to be drudgery and a real sacrifice in order for it to be seen as worthy? What if I enjoy what I am doing, I am good at it, and I can get it done efficiently with better results than someone who really doesn't even want to be there and is just answering the call of a friend or coworker? Don't you worry, I haven't really figured out what I am good at yet, I just keep plugging along.

*Why was Jesus first miracle to turn water into wine at a party that lasts a week? Why not make everyone miraculously sober and craving water and wanting to discuss Godly things?

*Why do I hear people say "if we really knew who God was, we wouldn't be surprised to hear of God's miracles." Hogwash! If I am no longer surprised about the miracles of God and instead it felt like everyday life, He would no longer be God. It is the exact opposite of being desensitized to violence. I would be desensitized to splendour, beauty, creation, and unexplainable events. We wouldn't even pay attention. Oh wait, we already don't pay attention. I want to be constantly amazed, after all....the disciples were and they knew who Jesus was.

*Why do you suppose wisdom is referred to as a woman in the bible? I will point out that nations who do not follow God are also referred to as women; harlot, adulteress.

These are all simply musings mind you. But don't they make for great conversation?

A Little Clarity For Monday on Tuesday

2010-09-21T12:04:00.000-06:00

I guess I have some explaining to do. In a previous post called Failure and Success I suggested that I may not answer your call if I am busy. It was a Monday, which was and is the day I am most ambitious in getting my house, laundry and weekly planning done and in order, for my family to function. I know all too well that as the week progresses I will get less and less actually accomplished.

I don't know who might actually follow my meandering thoughts in my blogs other than those who have left a picture of themselves in my sidebar under "followers". Unless of course I have a phone conversation that goes like this:

Me: Hello?
You: Oh hi! I wasn't sure you'd answer my call....

(I'm thinking "oh you've read my blog about not taking phone calls!")

But it's Tuesday.

So can I just clear up a little of my type A tendencies here? I only avoid the chit chat phone calls on Mondays. This past Monday was no exception. I really accomplished a lot. I even called my mom twice, much to her amazement, because I was taking a break to catch up {And I was thinking about her so I hurried to get my chores done so we could chat}. I am still trying to endeavour to stay on track for the rest of the week by not looking for my own distractions. Lord knows they find me! If I am looking for a distraction by checking all of my usual outlets, then I am probably avoiding something I just don't want to do. This challenge was something I was sharing with you about me.

So please don't avoid me now because you're sure I will not accept your call, text, or email because I have call display, or I have mistakenly led you to believe I am too busy for you. I'm not too busy, I am too disorganized! If it is an emergency call back again, I will get the point right away. I love chatting, another reason I don't get much done for the rest of the week. I want to hear how you're doing and what is new. I may save my ironing for just such a phone call later in the week, but highly unlikely, you will more likely get my undivided attention.

I am trying to put some boundaries on myself, not on you.

So here are a few things you may need to know about the rest of my week: starting next Tuesday morning I am starting a program called Verge3. So I am unavailable to chat, I am not ignoring calls. For now I am still attending Daybreak at my church on Wednesday mornings, if you'd like, you can join me there for more coffee and chatting. Anything outside of those things are where I do a little volunteer work with Operation Christmas Child and also where I live the rest of my life before my little beauties get home from school, and my hubby gets home from work {at which time I belong to them}.

Have no fear, you are my treasures and I can't give you up.

Unveiling My Revelation

2010-09-19T09:01:00.000-06:00

It has taken me days to write this post. I know with each passing day where my thoughts have been going, but how do I put it in words that will help any reader understand? It started with the idea of manners in the old days (using cell phones as my inspiration) and then became my objective to point out how we are slaves to our techie devices, and might not even know it. This led to guidelines to help train others in order to train ourselves. I admit that I fail while trying, but have also had some success, and that the expectations I had were only for myself, but you were, and still are, welcome to join me and test my little theory. I even gave scientific proof that my pondering was more that simple conjecture.

The longer I live the more I have come to realize, we are designed to not just co-exist together, but to thrive together in community, relying on one another and having others rely on us. Living together in the same town, same neighbourhood, same street, and even the same house. On-line friends are definitely still friends and I am thankful for the ability to connect with them around the world, but when the computer gets turned off, Smart phone gets lost, or GASP! all of the satellites fall out of the sky (or the power goes out) - in the end, we are still alone. I am not referring to our long distance-relationship communities, I am referring to those in our immediate vicinity.

I am an observer of much and perceive what sometimes no-one else sees. I am a seriously deep thinker and therefore my common sense is not as common to others as it is to me. What I see happening around me is that although cell phones and social media were created to offer something good; instantly connecting and staying connected to our various communities, they are also slowly eroding our personal physical relationships one jingle, click, vibration and in-box alert or update at a time. We look down at our devices instead of up at people to smile and say hello. It is the new fidget. When I don't know what to do while I wait, I seek to find entertainment and get sucked into the instant gratification vortex. It has now become socially acceptable to interrupt others while they are talking in order for us to talk to someone else, or "multitask." I am not going to lie, I fall into the trap of thinking I am more important than the person I am talking to by putting their thoughts on hold in order find out who else wants my attention.

We need one another to exist. Think about it. Survival of the fittest, collectively we are all the fittest because we rely on each other to survive. Manners, etiquette, and respect of one another has gotten us to a place where even as countries that don't share each others cultural background or beliefs, we co-exist for trade and necessity. Treat others the way you would like to be treated, even if you don't like or agree with them. This is called the Golden Rule. My grandma taught me the Golden Rule a long time ago, not sure where she heard it, do you know where it's from? The Bible.... Matthew 7:12 to be exact.

Much of what we do and value today comes from somewhere in our long histories. It has been handed down from generation to generation. Our traditions, our legacy, our moral convictions, our way of life. All handed down for centuries from someone we don't know and have no record of existing. Some can be good, some are definitely bad, but what works will stand the test of time (Thank goodness giving our daughters to our enemies for marriage to make an alliance - didn't always work!). What has worked since the beginning of time, is the proper behavior and respect toward others taught to us by the good old fashioned bible. Have you ever read it?

Having a cell phone is not wrong. Using a cell phone is not wrong. I wasn't really talking about cell phones, I was simply using it as my example of how self centered we've become. Putting ourselves and our interests ahead of others. Am I paying attention to the people I am with, am I even listening? Or am I distracted wondering who may be interested in getting my attention? Have I become a lover of myself? Without self control? Conceited? Concerned with my own amusement? Did you know that is just this kind of behaviour that is spoken of in the bible (2 Tim.3:1-5), and apparently it was something that was coming, not something that already existed. It was taught to be expected in future events and we are to be on the watch for it.

I do not want to be conditioned by things I have today that keep me from paying attention to the people in my life either directly or indirectly. I am being self centered if I am more preoccupied by who might be seeking my attention instead of giving my attention to someone who needs it now. Back to the Golden Rule, I need you to see me, I need you to listen to me with undivided attention, I need to see you smile with me and cry with me. If this is what I need, someone else needs it too so I want to make sure I AM PAYING ATTENTION. Therefore, don't give up on actually meeting with one another (and turn all distractions off), both on-line and in person so that we may look for new ways to encourage and help one another. Yes, this good advice it also from the bible (Hebrews 10:25).

Every part of the bible is useful in one way or another for teaching us what is right and correcting us, exposing our resistance and training us to do good work (2Tim 3:16-17), but you can be sure that what has been meant for good, somebody will use for the opposite to say what they want it to say and lead others astray.

Wow! Who knew that I could find a message about proper cell phone etiquette and personal manners by reading a book written thousands of years before the old fashioned telephone was invented?

Pavlov's Cell Phone

2010-09-16T06:30:00.005-06:00

Have you heard the one about Pavlov's dog? Pavlov trained his dog to know when dinner was by ringing a dinner bell and then giving the dog his dinner. This is the short version. The cycle began with ring the bell, call the dog, bring the food, the dog drools. The dog associated the sound of the bell with its food. Eventually, just the sound of the bell made the dog drool even when there was no food present! This learned response is called conditioned reflex. The process is called conditioning.

You know where this is going.

So Pavlov had a cell phone (No not really but play along). When he first received the cell phone all he could do was make or answer calls on it. The only time he received a call was when someone really needed his attention and needed it now. So Pavlov knew that he should always answer his phone when he heard it ring. Soon after, people realized that they could be much more successful at getting Pavlov's immediate attention if they called his cell phone directly and skipped the answering machine at home and work all together. It wasn't an emergency, but they could certainly get a faster response, and so the phone rang more often. Pavlov answered his phone every time.

Now head on into the future about one more year and Pavlov has a new phone. A Smart phone. It can take phone calls, send texts and emails, and it can even search the internet for any and all information. Over time Pavlov has been conditioned to answer all of the little noises that his phone makes, and finds that he is just so busy. He needs to tweet his newest experimental find, he is answering questions and updating his Facebook status, his wife is texting him the grocery list, and he is answering emails for accepting another Nobel Prize.

Yes, yes I know this is a little bit of fiction, but the experiment in conditioning is for real. We are conditioning ourselves daily to exist by the attention that we receive from a chiming cell phone, or Smart phone. I have one. By keeping busy with all of the networks I am a part of and replying to texts and emails, I am communicating personally much less often. I am disconnected.

So what is my point!!!!

We have been conditioned to answer the little beep, jingle, rattle of our phones and it is now a conditioned response. We do not think about what we are doing, where we are, or who we are with before going to reach for the little handle held device of instant gratification. But it has become so much more than that, it has become an addiction. Want to know how I know? Go without for more than a week and see what happens, and don't use other methods, like your computer or someone else's phone, just go without!

What? You won't even try?

What does conditioned response and manners have to do with anything?

Day Two: Great Expectations

2010-09-15T06:30:00.012-06:00

I have no expectations of others, only myself. This challenge is about recognizing poor social manners in communication, via social networking, identifying them in me and making an effort to change it. Who knows, maybe this will be the beginning of etiquette for the new techie millennium! Or not.

It feels like I get so little done around here and I know it is because of how often I check my emails, texts, blogs, and stuff, frequently out of boredom or as a distraction from what really needs doing. The fact is that it gets in the way of completing any tasks. It takes twice as long, and that is just me getting in the way of myself.

What about when other people are the ones getting in the way? Have you ever had someone get mad at you because you didn't answer their text? My daughter had a friend engage in a one sided argument (text-style) because she was not being answered in a timely fashion. She didn't know that my daughter was water skiing, she thought she was being ignored. How do you text and ski? Okay, okay. Unrealistic. You can't, or at least shouldn't do that. It's not safe and maybe you've gone too far if you try. But what is the expectation here? Before she went out on the boat should she have contacted every person on her list to explain that she would be away from her phone for a period of time? Brb!

Do you feel that you need to answer a text right away as though the person who sent it is standing right there waiting and tapping their foot? What are your expectations when you send a text? Is it time for some guidelines then?

*If I send a text and get no reply I am going to assume that you are busy, not mad.
*If you send me a text and I don't answer, I probably haven't seen it yet because I am at home doing home work, at an appointment, meeting or out with others, but I have been known to answer texts still even if I don't see them for hours!
*I won't answer to "Hey" or "wut cha doin" if I'm too busy, it's not personal. I'm just trying to put first things first. I will get back to you as soon as I can, even the next day sometimes.
*If it is important and time sensitive, I will call. If we don't actually speak I will either leave a message and/or text, and you will get it when you get it. I guess then it is up to you to decide if you think it is important enough to reply immediately or later or not at all.
*If at first you don't succeed, please don't try...try...again. At least not right away.

As I've said before in posts and replies, social networking does have its place and I use it as much as I can. The difference is knowing the proper lines of communication to use and for what purposes. If this doesn't apply to you, then don't be offended. These are just the musings on manners of my Grandmas wisdom, adapted to text communication.

Lol : )

Failure And Success

2010-09-14T06:30:00.002-06:00

Today I put to good use my own advice. My friends put to good use my advice as well, but they just didn't know it. I haven't told them about it, and they don't read my blog. Those closest to me are the ones I will teach or lead by example as they are the ones I see, talk, text, and email most often. This includes my family.

Today I am cleaning my house and doing my laundry. Laundry comes first, all the rest fits into the empty spaces. What doesn't get done around the house gets delegated, forgotten, or put off for another day. Clothing and bedding and bath towels get done once a week and today is the day. It is the scenario that works best for me. I need to have resolve in getting this done and ignoring all things that would distract me. That is why I missed a phone call today.

My cell phone has its sound turned off and I am not checking my computer until 10:00 am. That is the time I assigned myself a break and possible blog, email, text check. But I am at home, so you can call...but I may not answer. I have call display and if I want to get my work done I have to put off phone calls from friends until my allotted blog, email, text {and now phone message} check time. I saw you called. I will call you back. Ohhh! I see from my call display that you left a message, but I still don't check it. But I WILL, just not this minute. I know that you will understand.

Within 30 minutes you call again and I think to myself "sheesh, you really need to get a hold of me, that is odd." So I pick up the phone and discover that the trip my friends and I have planned is on for a good price and everyone is booking this minute...and so I was able to book my trip for the same low price, and I didn't miss a thing.

You see if you remember from my previous post I explained that if you called and I didn't answer it meant I was busy, and today I was busy. Because this is time sensitive my friend sent me and email, left a message on both my house phone and cell phone, and after a short time period tried calling me again. This is good quality communication. We all wanted to make sure that we were on the same flight, sitting together, going to the same destination and for a good price. I have ~~good~~ great friends. I know it was a lot of work for my friend to finally reach me, but the thing she needed to tell me mattered as much to her as it did to me.

This may not work every time and different situations call for different measures. There are circumstances where the second phone call may simply be someone who really wants to talk but not about anything in particular. In which case I have to be strong enough to suggest that now is not a good time but could I call them back? Say.... on my break or even tomorrow? Other times it may be important and whomever is trying to get in touch didn't try very hard and I miss out on something important, enjoyable, time saving, moneysaving, or whatever. Bottom line is that it all worked out in the end. I can't think of a single instance where my life was forever changed, in my mind, because I missed an opportunity I will never get again when I didn't answer the phone as soon as it rang, jingled, beeped, vibrated or flashed a little light telling me I had missed something.

Don't forget, this isn't a hard fast rule that applies to everyone. This is personal. This has nothing to do with not taking phone calls that are work related because you are working on something else. This is about prioritizing, it's about tech etiquette, and it is about taking care of what is truly important before taking care of what entertains or distracts. It is about thinking of others first. I am thinking of my family by making sure they have a clean, healthy, stress-free home to come to at the end of their day with food in the cupboard and a plan for supper. But I am breaking a rule by typing this post and I will have to work through my lunch to get everything done. But I failed while at least I was trying, and maybe I will be able to hold off a little longer from sharing with you how my day went until my next break.

Believe it or not, I have a plan for where all of this manner and etiquette stuff is going...

Day One: Social Media Slave Training

2010-09-13T06:30:00.002-06:00

It begins with explaining to oldest daughter that we are going to accept the challenge as a family that I put forth on this blog. As I am explaining it, she receives a text that she looks at immediately and removes her attention from our conversation to....well we don't know until we look at the phone! It could be junk mail, a wrong number, someone she doesn't really want to talk to, or an alarm set on her phone to remind her to start walking to school now. Either way, I am the least of these.

While pondering just how hard this will be, it occurred to me that this will ruffle many, many feathers because of course most people will simply think this just doesn't apply to them because they are different. They are important, more important than we are. So here are a few guidelines I thought I should share:

*You will have to tell others of your plan to a certain extent. For example just because I have a smartphone does not mean I will answer your emails right away. If it is time sensitive you should probably call.
*If you call me and I don't answer it means I am busy. Send a short text or description why I need to call you back and I will then know how to prioritize my call backs. If you don't leave me a message or text I am not calling you back because it means that what ever you had to tell me was not important enough to talk about later.
*If you are out for coffee, at a meeting, a guest in someones house, or spending a day with someone, you should turn your ringer and vibration off. Let's face it, some of the vibrating noises a phone makes are louder than our ringers.
*If you are expecting a call, text, email or update of any kind while you are in the company of others, it would be polite to state the obvious right from the beginning. "Hey, I'm expecting a phone call from my doctor today so we may be interrupted." Once you receive said call, turn your ringer and vibrations off. Do not accept every text and email or phone call that comes while you are waiting, you were only expecting one call.
*Go ahead and check your phone to see if anyone is trying to get in touch with you, but not while you are with company. Wait until they leave the room or when you go to the bathroom. If you see an "emergency" then you should probably check. Otherwise, it can wait.
*Obviously these are challenges for people with full time jobs that require being at other people's beck and call all day long. What I am referring to is the personal stuff. Texting at work for personal reasons is a no-no. You are stealing from the company when you do that. Save it for coffee breaks, and lunch or after work.

I'm sure that more of these will come to mind as each day drags on. Well I've already broken one rule by even typing this post! Twice!

Good Luck may the force be with you!

Communication Tools-You are a SLAVE!

2010-09-10T06:30:00.019-06:00

In yesterday's post I tried to draw a word picture or analogy for you about manners and cell phones. Just because we love our technology and all it can do for us does not mean we should become slaves to it.

How many times in a day do you check your emails, just in case? How often do you check your Facebook, Twitter or Blog to see if anyone has left comments? Do you check your cell phone regularly to see if you missed a text because maybe you didn't hear the jingle? Do you feel like you are so busy every day but have nothing to show for it, or even run out of time to get things done? I will share my answers with you:

*I check my email every time I check my phone or walk past my computer.
*I check my blog every time I open my laptop for emails or to google something I need.
*I check my iPhone for texts just about every time I come back into a room.
*I am home alone all day and sometimes accomplish nothing, not even a shower!

In other words, I am a slave to my social networks.

When I was a young SAHM with small children, I checked our mailbox everyday. It was directly across the street from my house. I was disappointed if there was nothing there and even looked forward to junk mail. It felt important to have something to do. I had to purposely make an effort to check my mailbox only once or twice a week, I had to break my own habit.

Enter the internet, emails, cell phones {before texting was cool} and kids in school. My habit of checking the mailbox had improved but now I was checking my inbox and carrying a cell phone... just in case. Again, I did not get many emails from friends because if we wanted to talk we used the telephone, but once in a while I would get some form of spam or advertisement and it was a nice distraction. Making sure to read everything and delete or forward it on felt like an accomplishment, like I had done something good for the day.

My cell phone had its own problems. At first my cell phone was attached to my car. So the only way you could call me on it was to hope I was actually in my car and driving, which is now illegal in my city. So I opted for a pocket version. I only gave my number out to one friend and the schools and my husband. When I went out, I would check my home messages with my cell phone and return any calls I needed to. But slowly, oh so slowly, more and more people began using my cell phone as the primary way to get a hold of me. Fast forward to today and BBM me all day long without actually talking to me once.

You see as good as technology really is, there is a downfall to it that threatens our real relationships in our real lives. All of the things I mentioned that we use to communicate with each other are not really forms of communication at all, but are only communication tools. When you email, text, Twitter or Facebook people you are not really talking or even sharing WITH one another, you are sharing AT one another. There is no tone in print and can be subjective depending on your mood. Don't get me wrong, I use all of these tools and I use them often and I am happy to see who wants to connect with me via many sources, but they are not relational tools. Things are even said in print that most will not even choose to say verbally. It becomes easier to hide behind our phones and laptops and say things we may not normally say, similar to drinking too much alcohol and realizing too late that you would not generally behave this way.

My point is this, you cannot truly build and maintain a good quality relationship over your unlimited data plan. While you may feel connected to those with similar interests, you still need human contact requiring undivided attention in person. I know it makes us all feel important and even popular to have 300 or more contacts, friends, and traffic but the truth is until we put down our electronically driven devices we will never know how truly alone and secluded we are from those around us.

I'd like to challenge you, and I will also challenge myself. To see just how much of a slave we are to our communication tools, I am suggesting that we take one week and instead of texting anyone, pick up the phone and call them. With your voice. Now of course there are many reasons you may be unable to fully comply with this, like when you are at work or if your use of social media is work related, but I am speaking to those people like students, people at work texting when they should be working, friends who drop and email or text to another friend down the street or two minutes away. I think you know what I mean. Do not be on the ready to answer every email and text or Facebook update unless it is actually important! Try to pick a time of the day when you will "reply" to all of your friendly requests. I am also going to ask my daughters to get on board with this and they may even agree if I tell them I will blog about it.

You can tell me how it goes, or you don't have to. Your own actions will tell you. But give it a try none the less. Mary Kassian ran a challenge similar to this, it was a media reduction challenge. Go check it out because it's not just me!

The Old Days

2010-09-08T06:30:00.006-06:00

And I'm only in my 30's! Brace yourself, this is a long post but important and worth reading.

I wasn't raised in a house with servants. I do not have royal blood in my veins (that I know of), and I was raised in a single parent low income family. But my grandmother was raised in a house with servants, cooks, maids, butlers, gardeners and the like. Do you know who Peter Pocklington was (and still is)? He was a former owner of the Edmonton Oilers and he sold Wayne Gretzky to the L.A. Kings! We were so mad. Anyway, I veer. My point was that at one time he was a rich dude and he lived in a mansion in the river valley (as far as mansions in Edmonton go). But before it was his house, way before, it was my grandmother's house. Back in the 1920's.

When I was eight Grandma taught us proper grammar and I remember in grade five having to dumb it down a bit so the other kids wouldn't laugh so much. True story. When I was nine I knew how to eat a five course meal with the plethora of silverware on the table. I learned to spoon soup away from you in the bowl, and that it was actually proper to slurp your spaghetti if some of it managed to stick out of your mouth after you politely twirled it on your fork. By the time I graduated from high school I was a pro.

She also taught me that just because we're not royalty doesn't mean we should behave in a manner that would suggest the exact opposite. Grandma lived the high life for a few short years before their family lost everything in the 30's and moved to the slums. She instructed and encouraged us that in spite of our upbringing or our education, we need manners. Manners will take you everywhere.

I think now is a good time to tell everyone, not just my children but adults too, what good cell phone manners are. Because technology moves faster than you can print an etiquette book for "text"book conversations, I think the adults don't know any better than our children do. We are under the impression that we are so important that we must take every call and text that comes to our phones on any occasion.

You see I am trying to have a conversation with my daughter right now. But every once in a while she glances down at her lap and smiles and sends a quick reply. Ha, Ha, brb, lol ;). Do you know she had four conversations going on at once? No I'm not surprised, I can do that too. But I think that we need to go back to the old days and learn to respect the people we are talking to face to face.

How much do you enjoy being in a room with a girlfriend, or boyfriend for that matter, and every two minutes your friend gets a phone call. An old fashioned phone call. Where you talk with your voice. Now instead of suggesting to the person on the other line that they would call them back because they were visiting with YOU, they actually carried the conversation on and on. Hang up, rinnnng, talk, hang up, ring, new person, new convo, you get the point. It feels like a slap in the face, like maybe you're not important enough to earn your friends undivided attention.

Now, visualize with me if you will, that every time you take a text message from ANYONE that you are actually putting your hand in the air to say "stop talking" to whoever is in the room with you. Because you have just taken another conversation on while in the middle of listening to the person you are physically looking at, you are saying excuse me but you are either just not important enough or riveting enough to keep my attention.

When you are having dinner, let the phone ring. If it is too much of a temptation to check it, turn it off and leave it in another room. If you are a guest in a home having dinner, it would be a good idea to let your kids know where you are and give out the house phone number and turn the ringer off on your cell phone. Check it once in a while just in case, maybe when you go to the bathroom? Somehow it just doesn't seem important enough to bother you if your kids have to bother your host to ask for you. If there is an emergency, they will call the house. Please do not take a phone call in the middle of your meal and carry on the conversation as though you are alone at home. Get up and leave the table and the room. If it is not immediately important then take a message and call who ever back in the morning. For any young adults who may happen across my blog today, if you really want to impress the person you want to date, disconnect from the 300 contacts on your cell phone. Give your parents or roommate the home phone number for where you are at FOR EMERGENCY ONLY. Same goes when you meet the parents.

This has nothing to do with being old, because as I told you earlier in the blog, I am not old and I can carry on five conversations or more at once, I am in the know in my circle, and I don't miss a thing. It is about manners. It is about not making yourself so indispensable that you are available to everyone for every whim. Often times people are bored and need a distraction, and a quick text to whoever will respond will do. You may simply be a distraction for someone. Not important at all.

I have nothing against technology. I have an iPhone I am learning to navigate after losing my Blackberry to a glitch. But if you would see every interruption from your cell phone in the same light as a knock at the door or a phone call while you're trying to visit, I think you would agree it is just annoying, and yes, it is the same thing.

I think we should all revisit some manners from the old days.

Fear of New Things

2010-09-06T07:15:00.003-06:00

And so it begins. I am in a new stage in my life, actually my whole family is. My oldest has started high school. It's not just any school either, it is a very large public school - having just left the smallish public/separate Christ centered school from just up the street. It was comfortable.

Be careful what you pray (or think?) about. Before the change of schools, my heart was feeling that we can't stay hidden in our Christian community. Not that we were hiding, but we were trusting in it without really being a part of it. I had stated in a letter to some friends that because of the change of schools there would also be a change in friends for my daughter. Friends that maybe didn't believe in God, or have never been to church, or maybe came from a sordid past. Not to mention the kids who also came from bible teaching families. In the letter I expressed that I wanted my home to be a place where these kids would feel welcome and would know that love lived here. They may suspect Jesus, but it wouldn't be my goal to evangelize if they ever came back more than once.

So the other night a couple boys stopped by, nearby really, not even close enough for us to look out our window and see them. They sent texts to my daughters and asked them to come outside and just hang out in the driveway. I've never even met these guys and it's only day two of high school! So I did what any unprepared mother would do... I felt fear. Fear about who they were, what they were doing, about how I would handle the rest of high school. And after 45 minutes I walked outside, it was after 9 pm and dark now, and said "hello boys, girls - go in the house please." Much to my daughters embarrassment.

Why did you do that?

I don't know them, that's why.

But they are nice people.

Well I didn't know that.

Mom, you have to stop thinking the worst all the time! It's true, but I just didn't know what to do. Then it hit me . . . invite them into your home.

Yup, that would have been smarter, and so I envisioned making sure we always had pop in the fridge and teenager junk food on hand. I needed to know these kids and they needed to know me... plus they obviously needed a place to hang out. I apologized to the girls the next day and let them know I definitely could have handled that better. I even explained how it would be best handled next time. With pop. And junk food. And I won't hover... on the same level of the house that they were on anyway.

But isn't it amazing how these seeds of thought start? I mean who put them there? Right before I was going to need them? Who is the in charge of my heart and mind? I know who...do you?

My Last M&M

2010-09-01T08:00:00.000-06:00

Well according to my pal Tyler at Titus 2:3-5, it is the final M&M this week. So without further adieu...

Romans 8:28 And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love Him, who have been called according to His purpose.

1 Tim. 4:14 Do not neglect your gift that was given you through a prophetic message when the body of elders laid their hands on you.

2 Tim. 2:6 (For this reason)So I remind you to fan into flame the gift (of God) that is in you through the laying on of my hands.

Hebrews 11:40 God (had) planned something better for us so that only together with us would they be made perfect.

I guess all good things come to an end, in a way. The M&M's are all gone but the verses are still in my mind and written on my heart ready to be pulled out at a moments notice. For we know that all scripture is God breathed and useful for teaching, rebuking, correcting, and training in righteousness, so that the man of God may be thoroughly equipped for every good work! (2 Tim. 3:16-17). Okay I didn't know that one in it's entirety but I did know it in meaning and I knew how to go looking for it.

You know...I might keep going!

In Her Way - Out of His

2010-08-31T06:30:00.012-06:00

Oh the thinks I can think! All afternoon a thought kept recurring "It is easier to complain about decisions made for me...than it is to take responsibility for that same decision made on my own." Bottom line, I would rather vent continually that I don't like the way things are going than actually have to make up my own mind about anything and then live with it.

First child, first day of high school. I did not get a single text message all day. It is a new school and it didn't have to be. She could have stayed at the Christian Academy she was attending, but she decided she wanted a change. I would not put up with words like "this school sucks" or "it's lame", because I knew and so do all parents with children at this school, that it was a great school with high academic achievements. I wanted real reasons before I would concede to her request to change schools. Nothing she said changed my mind...and so she complained endlessly for almost the whole three years of junior high school. It was her dad who changed my mind.

I was reminded that I too had changed schools and so had my husband, many times and for many reasons. Either school would be a a good decision, but only one was a Christ centered school. I was reminded of the choices I made while in high school and afterward, and many that I would have done differently in retrospect. But I am also reminded of where I am now and how I got here, by both the good and bad decisions I made. I'm not sure I would have learned as much without a few mistakes along the way. But the mistakes were mine to make.

I read an interesting blog at Chatting at the Sky titled On Loving Those Teenage Girls and the words "Above all, remember what Love did. Even though He knew they would choose the wrong one, God still put two trees in the Garden. Because a choice with no opportunity for failure isn't really a choice, is it?"

How much am I really believing that God loves my daughters more than I do, how much am I believing God is actually the one in control not me, and how will my daughters ever see God at work in their lives if I don't allow Him into their lives, if I just keep getting in the way.

And so...I allowed her to go to the school of her choice, God goes with her anyway. She was sick with worry all summer, wondering if she made the wrong decision. It was easy for her to get angry and complain that I wasn't giving her a chance. It wasn't so easy to get what she wanted and then live with it. Three years to go and we both will need God more than ever, but I only have to stay out of His way, not hers.

Places I Travelled Last Friday

2010-08-23T06:30:00.023-06:00

So I came across some really ~~good~~ great and fun blogs last Friday. Okay, I didn't just come across them, they are already linked to my page in a column on the right called Blogs I Glean From. I thought I would share them with you if you stopped by here and wanted either a real story or a real giggle!

The first blog is called Trusting and a Little TV Clip by Sarah Markley. This little clip is her and her husbands story and it has been put into a "Little TV Clip". Please go and check it out.

The second blog is called You Know It Won't Be Fat Free and it can be found over at my friend Tyler's blog called Titus 2:3-5 and I had a belly jiggling chuckle when I found this! Hee, Hee, go check it out and tell me this has never happened to you!

Now the reason I waited until today to share this with you is so you didn't miss it because I found it after I had already posted for the day. It truly was a great Friday find. But I decided that Monday (today) usually needs a kick start so why not share it today?

This third link to a short snippet by Operation Christmas Child. Take just one more minute here and see what to do with all the shoe boxes you have from your shopping spree this summer.

(I only have one more week until teenagers are back in school and then their reasons for avoiding me are more legitimate! Have a good week.)

Raising Boys Is So Much Harder Than Girls...

2010-08-20T06:30:00.009-06:00

Say what? Come again? Yes you heard right and you heard it here. I have two teenage daughters and I am doing my best to teach them to know who they are, to respect themselves and their bodies, to be strong and courageous and yet gentle and respectful. I can attest to the fact that while I said I am trying and I am teaching...they aren't necessarily listening just yet.

I've spoken to many parents and friends and the consensus is that as unfair as it is, boys and girls are treated and raised differently and by a different set standards. Ask any girl who grew up with brothers and they will tell you that they hated not having the same freedom as their brothers. The parents didn't seem to worry as much, didn't question who they were dating etc. But the girls seemed to be on a shorter leash with somewhat more restraint. Enter a conversation with a woman I only just met...

She said it was harder to raise boys than girls, and she had both. If I'm not mistaken, she was a young pregnant before marriage mother, as was her daughter (both of them married now of course). But she also had sons. Her sons were my daughters age. She said "it is harder to raise boys than it was to raise girls because she is teaching her sons to respect a girl AND her body, even when the girl DOESN'T!"

Oh thank you to that mother! That is the first time I have ever heard anyone say that to me. I know I have heard many radio broadcasts and parenting seminars explain that as parents we need to teach our boys to be men, teach them to be leaders, providers, protectors, good fathers, brothers, uncles and also to treat a woman properly...but I haven't actually run into anyone who has put it quite that way. I've heard don't push a girl to do anything she doesn't want to do, I've heard no means no, I've heard don't use women for your own satisfaction because they have feelings too, but I've never actually heard that a woman needs protecting sometimes even from herself as advice to a young man!

Women (young women/girls especially) tend to put themselves out there. They dress to get noticed, they talk a wild talk, and they are more aggressive than they used to be. It should really be easy pickin' for a guy who is interested in a few notches on his belt. But what if the guy really does like the girl? Then is it okay to accept her advances? According to this mom the answer is NO.

And so from the prospective of this mother (me) who is doing her best to teach her girls to respect who they are, to not promote themselves as something they are not...just to get the guy, to please not do anything and everything...just to get the guy, and knowing that they just aren't mature enough to always accept my wisdom, I am thankful for this mom and others like her.

How about you? What have you said to your daughters that actually made a difference? What about your sons? What sorts of things have you said to your sons that still need mentioning?

I really do want to know.

Courage, What Does It Look Like?

2010-08-18T06:30:00.002-06:00

I was reading Doing it Afraid by Sarah Markley on Monday. Not sure what fear she's facing as I haven't followed her blog for too long, but her post made me think. What have I done that would be considered courageous?

I don't do anything that I can't do a little bit well. It seems I can do many things a little bit, but I can't do any one thing really well. When I was invited to play slow-pitch for a team of people I had never met, I was confident that I was a good enough player to surprise them and be somewhat (very) helpful as far as being one of the three necessary girls on a team. I don't like to let people down.

It's about rejection.

It's a pride thing.

But I did something that is way out in left field even for me. I was called by a lady I hardly knew to a meeting that I didn't think would interest me. I mostly went because I wondered what God was up to. I still don't know. What I do know is that I should feel overwhelmed and even a little sick that I am going so far out on a limb (for me). But every time my heart races and I get even a little hot around the collar a verse creeps into my mind...Philippians 4:13. I'm not even taking my thoughts captive! That verse creeps in all by itself. I can do everything through him who gives me strength.

That's how I know it's God.

Oh by the way, funny thing about being a pretty good ball player for a team at a tournament 12 hours from home...I was hit in my left shin by a line drive while playing second base...bottom of the first inning. I was out for the whole tournament. I guess it didn't matter that I could play ball well, apparently that's not why God wanted me there.

For me being courageous, as far as being a perfectionist goes, means that I can't count on myself for something. Anything. It means I have to go into a circumstance completely empty and lacking...apart from me you can do nothing. John 15:5

How about you? What does courage look like to you?

M and M #5

2010-08-17T06:30:00.007-06:00

Well I was over at Titus 2:3-5 yesterday and Tyler posted her fifth M&M. So in keeping with memorizing and meditation over the summer, here is my next verse:

Romans 8:28 And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.

This verse was written on the ring I got for my birthday from a friend, and seeing how I find my verses by listening to my friends I figured this one was next! (Although "I can do everything through Him who gives me strength"...was a close second. But I already know that one, it didn't seem fair). Hey so how long should this go on for anyway? When is the summer over?

What do you think?

What Do You Think About This?

2010-08-11T06:30:00.001-06:00

A quote from Oswald Chambers:
The saint who satisfies the heart of Jesus will make other saints strong and mature for God. But the people used to strengthen us are never those who sympathize with us; in fact, we are hindered by those who give us their sympathy, because sympathy only serves to weaken us.

I think I may have to agree with this...

Have you ever made a mistake and when you try to take responsibility for it and learn from it, a well meaning friend implies it wasn't as bad as all that? Did they try to justify your mistake just to make you feel better?

I had a friend convict me on something I said as the words left my lips. At first I was embarrassed and wanted to just crawl into a hole. I never wanted to see her again, not because I was mad at her but because she was right and I was wrong. What if she hadn't said anything but instead agreed with me, fuelling my self righteous judgement?

Who do you want to surround yourself with? Who are you to others? Do you strengthen others or are you an enabler?

Unworthy

2010-08-10T06:30:00.005-06:00

This is my first time adding a picture to my blog post, but it seemed important enough to try. You see on Saturday my friend S invited me and my husband out to a birthday dinner and all four of our combined kids (teenagers) would hang out at home until we got back. I knew that our friends were paying for dinner and I was trying to be gracious about accepting that, but in my mind I'm thinking I should just order the salad!

Upon returning back to S's place, all four kids were kind of staring at me expectantly like I was supposed to notice something. They led me into the dining room and had prepared two cakes for the occasion! They worked in pairs and had a cake-off (or cook off but with cakes). Sorry no pictures of that, but I can tell you that the 15 yr. old teens had made a recipe out of the Eat Clean cookbook by Tosca Reno. As you may have learned in other places on my blog I really appreciate clean eating. It does so much more than just keep you slim, it works wonders on your mind, your focus, your energy....sorry, rabbit trail. Now the pair of 13 yr. old teens had prepared an organic version of a fluffy, beautifully decorated cake with vanilla mousse. Oh and they asked me to pick the best...yeah right. I could barely talk.

Also included with said expectant looks were two gifts sitting on the table. One was from S, which we always agree never to do to each other, but I loved it anyway. I have a new book called Irresistible Revolution by Shane Claiborne and a pretty little silver infinity band with the inscription for Rom. 8:28 on it. I really loved it, but thought I really don't deserve what she did and bought for me. Supper, gifts, dessert. Too much.

And now for the above mentioned picture. S's son C was on a mission trip in Ecuador and he had asked me to be a prayer partner before and during his trip. Truth be told I am always praying for that ~~boy~~ ahem, young man, but this is the first time I was invited to do so. I didn't really feel like I had done anything. I kept asking for prayer requests but there were none, I even asked if the church wanted us to pray for something specific, but that too was a short list. I really didn't feel I had done a whole lot. Certainly not enough to deserve the effort it took C to barter and pay with his own money for the above mentioned vessel. (The word vessel came to me when I knew I had to write this blog, we are all God's vessel's with the Holy Spirit living in us, right? ) Oh but I felt so undeserving of such an honour as this gift. Of any of the gifts really, but this felt like the nail in the coffin. I had not done any of these things for my friends. I didn't take my friend out for supper on her birthday and I didn't buy her a gift. I know I prayed for C, but I really could have prayed more. I don't deserve what they all did. It really does make me want to cry even now as I type this. I really could be doing more.

And then I realized...

Unworthy...

This is how we all feel about our gift of salvation at some point don't we? Don't you feel like you don't deserve eternal life with Jesus, forgiveness of sins, purity, unconditional love, forgiveness, a mulligan over and over after every mistake, peace, joy, oh and did I say forgiveness yet? Isn't that why we set out to serve God by dong what we can by being leaders of small groups, intentional friends with the hope of introducing others to Christ, feed the hungry and the poor, and all the things we sometimes don't always feel like doing? Isn't this why we always question if we shouldn't be doing more? Reading more? Memorizing more? Giving more? Serving more?

Don't get me wrong, these are all very noble things. But if I was honest I would say that most of it was to please God, and most of it was because I was trying to pay God back for all He had done for me (somehow in a purely mortal-and stupid way), and that most of the time I wasn't listening to what God really wanted me to do. I don't like being celebrated on my birthday, or any other time either. I don't really want recognition. I just don't feel like I deserve it. But maybe, just maybe, if I choose accept that no-one is worthy or deserving and that my salvation and my life truly is a gift, I would do less for God and instead do more with God. If I started obeying and listening instead of always trying to do what I can, I would probably end up doing even more, it would feel like less, and it would be enough!

Maybe I would be enough....How about you?

Better Late....

2010-08-09T08:39:00.000-06:00

Than never! I have been on a long sabbatical at the family cabin. There is no real schedule there and priority depends on sunshine. It is the first time I have ever stayed away from my own home for such a long period of time without at least one short visit back to my house to make sure things are in order. I did take my laptop though so I was a little bit in touch...

Well last week I saw that Tyler posted her fourth M&M, and I knew I should also be posting mine but decided to wait until I was back home and on a schedule again. So without further adieu...

Hebrews 11:40 "God had ~~something better planned~~ (planned something better) for us so that only together with us would it (they) be made perfect".

My next verse is again one that was given to me by more than one person, on more than one occasion in a very short time period which confirms to me that I need to remember it! 1Peter 4:11 "If anyone speaks, he should do it as one speaking the very words of God. If anyone serves, he should do it with the strength God provides, so that in all things God may be praised through Jesus Christ. To him be the glory and the power for ever and ever. Amen."

This last one has special meaning for me as I embark on a new adventure. I am now officially (as soon as I fill out the paperwork and return it), the Community Relations Coordinator for Operation Christmas Child (OCC) with Samaritans Purse. Thank you those of you who prayed for me concerning this adventure. I will do my best to keep you all updated on my journey with God through this ministry.

Girls Gone Wise-A Book Review

2010-07-30T06:30:00.002-06:00

I have been reading Girls Gone Wise in a world gone wild by Mary A. Kassian for a few months now. My intention in reviewing it as opposed to 'reading' it was because as a small group leader I wanted to check it out before bringing it back to my small group.

First of all let me start by saying that this book has so much to offer in the way of support. If you check out Mary Kassian's Girls Gone Wise website and blog, you will find everything you require for and independent study on your own or with a small group. Mary spends 20 chapters breaking down the difference between a girl gone wild and a girl gone wise with points of contrast in "attitudes and behaviours" of the biblical Girl Gone Wild of Proverbs 7. After reading each chapter you go to the website and download chapter questions. There is a leaders guide and additional articles, quizzes & challenges, and forums to join with, oh and check out her weekly video log!

But don't be fooled, this is not about the attitudes and behaviours of Christian and non-Christian women, that is too easy. This is about every woman's journey, especially those who are in Christ's family, and the area's we need to bring into the light in order to be Wiser Women. Let me tell you that my intention in reviewing this study was for the benefit of others like my unsaved friends and family, my teenage daughters, or women who are in my circle of influence but not necessarily walking with God. What I received was a good size dose of humble pie (Matthew 7:1-6). I went in feeling like I was building an arsenal of wisdom and knowledge regarding a Godly woman's behaviour, what I left with was an eye opening lesson in correction (2 Tim. 3:16). What I needed to do was just read it. There are so many biblical references and historically accurate examples compared to the modern day wise or wild woman that it reads more like a commentary for women. All the research is done for you.

It has taken me great effort to stay focused in this book because I found myself constantly underlining and highlighting, taking notes and meditating for myself where I could see some not so wise behaviours of my own in my past or even in my present. Reading a book as though it may be for someone else becomes a distraction causing me to read and reread certain ideas in order to really let them sink in. Although I wouldn't recommend this book to my group, I would recommend this study for those who are interested in an in depth teaching and personal reflection of what it truly means to be a Godly and wise woman.

For this very reason, make every effort to add to your faith goodness; and to goodness, knowledge; and to knowledge, self-control; and to self-control, perseverance; and to perseverance, godliness; and to godliness, brotherly kindness; and to brotherly kindness, love. For if you possess these qualities in increasing measure, they will keep you from being ineffective and unproductive in your knowledge of our Lord Jesus Christ (2 Peter 1:5-8).

(I didn't call this blog Pearls of Wisdom for nothing...Mary's conclusion at the end of the book is to "get wisdom" as quoted in Proverbs 4:7. I believe that is what reading this book has done.)

Quote For The Day

2010-07-27T09:43:00.000-06:00

The Way To Knowledge:

The golden rule to follow to obtain spiritual understanding is not one of intellectual pursuit, but one of obedience. Oswald Chambers

Leading By Example...Kinda

2010-07-26T11:29:00.000-06:00

In case you haven't read my blog before and this is your first time passing through, all the so called "Pearls" that I share here are from wise women in my life or from the pearls I have picked up along the way through life's experiences. As I do this thing called life, currently from the position of being a mom to two teenaged girls, I think about the examples I am trying to set for my daughters to reinforce life lessons that I might be teaching.

But what if my example is wrong? What if the example I am teaching is wrong when I thought I was right? What if what I am teaching is not what they see? Then what? There have been many teaching moments leading up to these teenage years that I am now experiencing, and I wonder if they were listening. I wonder if they are listening at all now. But I have started to wonder about what they really see.

I am working hard at not raising my voice when I talk to the girls because it doesn't really accomplish anything except high blood pressure. It's about not losing control when it doesn't need to be lost. I am hoping that what they see is the little bit of extra time I take to give a careful answer instead of an off the cuff, sarcastic remark which may hurt them or me. But what a bystander (who shall remain unnamed) thought they saw was me being depressed! So here I am thinking I was showing the strength I need to take my thoughts captive before they reach my mouth and then think about what I should say instead of what I could say to win the argument. Well maybe not win, but definitely have the best come back. But instead it looks like I am weak and losing arguments because I look depressed! I am not depressed, that is what my face looks like when I'm thinking!

Then I think of the examples my mom still sets for me and I wonder...do I do that? While visiting my husbands family cabin this weekend, my mom did not want to wreck anybody else's time by informing them that she had to leave, so she needed to be taken to shore. So I piped up for her and got her going. But it made me think...do I do that? And the answer is yes. I've mentioned before that I went to a "Do Hard Things" seminar at my kids school. Yes, I am an adult at a teenage conference. That was the first hard thing. The second was feeling like I was important enough to matter. I paid money for a conference that most of the students attending got to go to for free, and would rather have been elsewhere. There were free snacks and water or juice boxes during the intermissions, and I felt as though it wasn't really for me, it was for the kids. What made me think I wasn't important enough to share in a snack? What made me think I wasn't important enough to sit close to the front but instead allow others to sit there? What made me think I wasn't important enough to put up my hand for the free books that they gave away?

So I wonder...if I lead by example, am I really undermining myself because of my own personal discouragement of myself? How can I really show my girls to stand up for themselves if somehow it comes across that I don't feel I deserve the same? Well I don't have an answer for you (or me) right now, but what I do know is that God has a plan for my girls that I can't even mess up. I can only move forward and teach and guide using my experiences and life lessons, and not worry about what may or may not be misunderstood. I think about Isaac's son Jacob who was second born and whose mother undermined her husbands authority and right to give whatever blessing he wanted to give to his oldest son. I think about how she showed and instructed her son to pretend he was his brother Esau so that he could have more than he deserved (Genesis 27:8-10). Jacob is considered a Patriarch in the bible and yet his beginnings were wrought with deceit (Genesis 25:29-33) and a mother who lead her son by actually instructing him to outwit his dying father for a final blessing. And then I think about the fact that God said from the beginning to Rebekah (Jacob's mother) that the older would serve the younger (Genesis 25:23). But Rebekah chose her own way. So, even though Rebekah chose the way she did to raise her son(s), in the end it was God's way that prevailed.

So that is the faith that I have for my daughters. Faith that God has a plan that will prosper my daughters, not harm them, plans for a hope and a future. I have faith that no matter what I do, I cannot possibly get in the way of God...or what kind of a God would He be?

It gives me peace, but maybe it's just me...

Low Fat M&M's!!!

2010-07-14T09:44:00.000-06:00

The M&M's I'm referring to of course are the "Meditate and Memorize" kind! These kind of M&M's will actually help to keep you strong and healthy. The verse I was memorizing for the last two weeks was:

1 Tim. 4:14 which says "Do not neglect the gift that was given you through a prophetic message when the body of elders laid their hands on you." (Yes that was from memory, but I did check to see which way 'laid' was spelled)

I am endeavouring to take a bigger helping of M&M's this week. In keeping with the above verse I am meditating on and will memorize 2 Tim. 1:6 "For this reason I remind you to fan into flames the gift of God, which is in you through the laying on of my hands."

I am also going to memorize Hebrews 11:40 "God had planned something better for us so that only together with us would they be made perfect." (emphasis mine) This verse was given to me yesterday by a friend who was encouraging me as I kept muttering on about how I am not equipped for this new adventure I am embarking on with her and Samaritan's Purse. I figured that because I missed week one, I may as well make up for it with a double portion on week 3.

I am keeping myself, Tyler, and you and anyone else who stops by, accountable and resolving to stay in touch with God and other likeminded women over the summer. Challenge yourself and find some verses to memorize and then share with others over at Titus 2:3-5 every 2 weeks.

I Know It All...

2010-07-12T06:30:00.102-06:00

I'm a know it all, and I hate it...and I know you hate it when I am around. It is something I have struggled with all my life. I don't actually know it all, but maybe to you I act like I do. I can't stand being around people who act like they know it all so if and when I see them coming I try to avoid them if I can. It takes one to know one. It is how I spot it in myself, it is the subtle things that irritate me and when I question myself and my God and ask "why does this person get under my skin so bad?" My answer is "she's just like you."

What can I say, it's a gift. I read the book Purpose Driven Life by Rick Warren as a group study a few years ago. What I have never forgotten was at the very beginning he asked "what is the one thing about yourself that you hate and try to hide, but is not something you can change?" To which I replied: I am a know it all. Then the author suggested that God did not make a mistake, what ever it was I was trying to hide, God put it there for a reason. Now figure out how to use your gift in a way that helps the church (as in Acts 4:16) but does not exasperate them. So I began to see myself, and others like me, a little differently.

Sometimes I am a silent know-it-all. I recently read a post by Sarah Markley called Silenced. It very nearly made me cry. It brought back all those feelings about myself that I have been trying to put behind me as being unlovable because of who I am. I am often hurt easily by 'shut up' or eye rolling, walking away while I am still talking or 'I don't like being told what to do' when others are in a conversation with me. Like I said, I am persevering in my endeavour to wait on an invitation before speaking, either by God or by others. So when I am hurt, I close my mouth and hide myself inwardly. I know you just turned left when you should have turned right, but I said nothing. I know I can save you time on your project if you let me help, but if you don't ask (usually because you're sick of being told what to do in order to do it better), I won't offer. I will let you fail. Even as I write this, I feel tears building behind my eyes. I could easily put this down for now and bawl for hours.

Being silent allows others to be who they are without interference from me. It frees them. It frees me. Usually. Most of the time. But there are those times when my silence is seen as judgment. I've been told I look pious when I stand there and watch instead of interacting. Those are the times when I am also learning new things. I am quiet because I don't actually know everything, but if I keep my mouth closed and my eyes and ears open I will learn something new. I like learning. But those who rely on me don't like my silence, it makes them feel uncomfortable and they think that I think I am better than them. I know this because that is what I was told by a very good friend. So this really hurt. It was a blow because at that exact moment it felt like she didn't know me at all. And so...I was silent.

I make mistakes with what God gave me. I have people who actually seek me out for insight, ideas, troubleshooting, problem solving and such. I have identified myself somehow as helpful in stressful or puzzling situations. I am working extremely hard at waiting to be asked instead of offering a suggestion. I may think my way is better, and it just might be, but there are situations where it really doesn't matter. Just getting the job done is all that counts. This is where I make enemies: I can actually come up with a better idea than yours... whereby I exclude myself from helping all together so you get the job done by yourself. I have helped you and actually didn't help at all.

But as I said, I am still learning. What I have discovered is that yes, I talk to much, listen too little, and I need to wait to be invited to give an opinion because I have so many. But I also discovered that sometimes it will be others who are the ones struggling, which is a new concept for me. It hurts me deeply to be rejected as I am becoming the me I am struggling to embrace. But by going back to God and asking what I am doing wrong, I am awestruck to learn not everything is about me...a real shocker! I continue to watch and listen and I also continue to grow. So yes, God put it there. I can be a know- it- all, I don't have to be a say- it- all, and even when I say nothing I am still being the know- it- all me God created me to be.

I hope this helps any of you out there to stop hiding what God has intended for greatness, to instead be used openly for His purpose.

I'm Joining The M and M Gang!

2010-06-30T09:04:00.000-06:00

I don't know about you but I need a little accountability, especially over the summer months, to stay in touch with God and all the things He has in store for me. The best way to do this of course is to stay in the bible, continue with bible memory, prayer, and good old spiritually fed Christian community with likeminded women.

Women like Tyler, over at Titus 2:3-5 who has challenged anyone who drops by her blog to "Meditate & Memorize" a new verse every two weeks. There is no need to play catch up if you missed week one, but today starts week two and that is where I will begin.

My verse for memory and meditation (M&M-get it! Not the candy, this is a treasure of a different kind) will be: 1 Tim. 4:14 "Do not neglect your gift, which was given you through a prophetic message when the body of elders laid their hands on you."

So I want to encourage you as well, if you have dropped by Pearls of Wisdom today to head over and sign up with Tyler, and stay on track this summer with everyone else who has signed up. Great way to meet new people too!

The God of Left Hand Turns

2010-06-24T06:30:00.008-06:00

I am an assertive driver, but not an aggressive one. I plan ahead for where I am going and navigate turns, merges, lane changes, traffic lights, traffic circles and timing of all of this by paying attention to what is happening further in the distance than the car in front of me. If I am aware a merge I need to take on the right hand side is fast approaching, I calculate (not literally) if I have enough time to pass the semi-truck with two trailers in front of me, or...just have patience and wait.

I like having an idea where I am going. If my final destination is somewhere I have been a million times, I know exactly which lane to be in and when, to properly circumvent a traffic circle. I know when to use an outside lane in a double turning lane if I need to make an immediate exit upon finishing said turn. If I am not sure where I am going I will Google it ahead of time to get a picture in my mind of what my travel plans should look like, and I may even print the directions with the picture. By the second or third trip, I will have mastered my navigation skills for this new destination.

I have a fear of the unknown. I may choose not go to a place if it is somewhere I've never been and parking is limited. Like Downtown. Palpitating heart. Tremors. Excessive sweating. Unless of course someone is with me that either knows the way and can tell me, or doesn't know the way and we can navigate and giggle together while making wrong turns. Two heads are better than one. Somehow having someone with me gives me more confidence, especially if the reason we are embarking on this maiden voyage is for my passenger.

I get anxious about Left Hand Turns. Especially if said turn is at an uncontrolled intersection during rush hour traffic. I would rather make numerous right hand turns until I find a set of lights to safely pass in front of four lanes of traffic, or joy of all joys...a turn signal! There are times however I have forgotten my fear of left hand turns and realized too late that I should have turned right. It almost makes me sick. What if I wait too long, what if I could have gone, what if I sit here until rush hour is over? But every time it happens, wa-la! there is an opening in traffic just for me, or there is no traffic in sight. I thank God every time. Not kidding. If you find yourself in the car with me, have a look. I am probably mumbling, tuning you out, and thanking God all at the same time.

It's the story of my life. All of the hard things I have to do, the things I don't know how to do well, having no confidence in myself or my ability, these are also my left hand turns. These are the things in life that I will attempt to avoid by taking a slower pace, a different route, making excuses, delegating, trying to prepare for the end before the beginning...and when all of that fails, I may even do nothing. My fear will paralyze me. My feelings of insecurity, fear of the unknown, anxiety, not knowing where I am headed or how I will get there, these will all keep me in a prison of my own making. Not until I am fed up with my inability to depend on myself will I then depend on my God of left hand turns. Then I will follow instead of lead, then I will realize He is with me giving me directions because He knows the way, then I will see that He has made a way just for me. I don't need to be prepared ahead of time, and I don't need to feel anxious if God is the one in control.

Hmmmm. Control. That is a topic for another day.

A Myriad of Distractions

2010-06-17T06:30:00.001-06:00

Have you ever noticed...

Where you are is never really where you are? Just this morning I had a conversation with a friend, and the whole time I was thinking...oh this is good. I should be blogging! Our conversation was about others around us being distracted while they are having a conversation with us. Specifically we noticed that our friends and family are distracted by their phones. They are distracted by smart-phones receiving emails, texts, updates, messages, and now and again an important phone call. When did we decide it was okay to stop talking to the person right in front of us in order to reply to a text? Didn't we all grow up with the same advice? "It is rude to interrupt someone while they are talking."

Before anyone should think I am making a judgement about others, did you happen to notice I was thinking in blog while I was having a conversation? I am also not immune to smart-phone dumbness (my own phrase, feel free to use it), I too check my phone to make sure I have not missed anything. And it doesn't have to be important, it could even be junk mail! But specifically, I was distracted by my thoughts of blogging and I bet that I zoned out once in a while. You just couldn't tell as readily as if I just pulled my phone out to check it again for the millionth time.

Once I get there, I've already left. I'm talking about deadlines, goals, lists and upcoming meetings, coffee dates, or workout schedules. I start the day thinking I have kickboxing, coffee with above mentioned friend (we haven't seen each other in a while), adding things to my to do list, thinking about how much time will be wasted by a shower afterwards...oh I should call my sister. But while I am at kickboxing I am thinking about coffee. While I am at coffee, I am thinking of blogging because we are having a really good conversation about...something, on my way home I am thinking about where in the world is my To Do list, while I look at the things that need doing I am distracted by the thoughts of checking my emails, blogs, cell phone messages, and the list goes on.

My feet are where they should be, but my mind is nowhere in sight! Maybe the reason I feel busy most of the time is because I never leave my head where my feet are. When I set out to accomplish a task, I don't take the time to be still and enjoy what I have just worked so hard to finish. I have already moved onto the next goal. I am distracted by my ability to multitask. What I have noticed is that I can do a whole bunch of things at once, but not accomplish a single thing. But I sure am busy.

I am never satisfied. Now I know why. There is always something more to do. There will always be another task. As time goes by I will realize it has been a while again since I last saw my friend. I am a thinker, it is so hard to wrestle with my thoughts because they outnumber me about a thousand to one. And they all come at once. But I am going to try. I am going to try wrestling only one thought at a time so that I can enjoy and be satisfied with what I am accomplishing by just living, loving, and being. I am going to stand back and take the time to just soak.

Ummm, maybe once in a while you could check back in on me to make sure I was actually here when I wrote this. Then again, maybe it's just me.

Where Is Your Wise Counsel Coming From?

2010-06-16T07:59:00.000-06:00

"The problem with popular media is that they constantly lie about the nature of truth, goodness, and beauty. They offer counterfeit versions of what womanhood, male-felmale relationships, romance, sexuality, marriage, and family are all about. They lie to a woman about who she is, what gives her significance, what she should do to be successful, and where she should spend her time and money." (Girls Gone Wise - in a world gone wild. Mary A. Kassian)

Where are you getting your inspiration for life? Where are your ideas for happiness coming from? What are the examples of success you are trying to follow?

Do Hard Things-I Was Listening

2010-06-12T07:34:00.000-06:00

Well, the same day I went to the Do Hard Things conference, I had an evening meeting with Operation Christmas Child. I am not sure how my name got on the list, I'm not sure why I went. I have participated in creating gifts for children in other countries, but participate in the team that makes it happen? No way.

Until now. Message left on my phone.

I wanted to delete it.

I didn't. Not sure why.

I listened to the message again a week later to find out what they wanted. What on Earth could they want from me? Still not sure.

Go to conference, Do Hard Things! Three hours later I decide to go just to listen to what is happening at Operation Christmas Child.

I wonder what God is up to. I always wonder what He's up to...in my life, in my family's life, in my neighbourhood, on the other side of the world. I feel strongly that I am supposed to 'watch' what He can do and not worry about what I can do. I feel very inadequate in every way, yet here I am looking at being a part of something global. And what keeps going through my head is "Do Hard Things", this is a very hard thing for me. This is way out of my comfort zone and I'm scared.

I am asking for prayer. If you are stopping by here for any reason and have made it this far down the post, please say a prayer for me. Pray that I will trust God to do it, and that I will not try to rely on my own strength and abilities. Pray for my daughters that they will see their mother doing something that is hard (for her) and it will encourage them to step out and do the same. And pray for my husband. Even though this is for the most wonderful of causes, this is a volunteer position I am applying for, could he see the value in what is being done in spite of the fact that I am not being paid. Most of all, give me the strength to show my weakness so it is God who will get the glory and not me.

Thank you for your prayers and support.

Do Hard Things-The Rebelution Tour

2010-06-08T06:30:00.006-06:00

Yesterday I went to the "Do Hard Things - Rebelution Tour" and is based on 1 Timothy 4:12. It was hosted by our school and church. I bought a ticket to the conference number one because I have actually been having a conversation over and over with my teenage daughters about doing things we don't feel like doing, or don't want to do, but should do. These are hard things because they need doing, we just wish someone else would do it. If my oldest daughter was going to the conference, I wanted to be able to support what she may have learned, when she got home.

I also bought the ticket for myself. It didn't matter that the event had two inspirational, motivational speakers that were half my age, it mattered that I don't remember having this kind of thing when I was growing up and wanted to see what I may have missed. I was interested to see what could still be for me today. The hard thing that I did was simply go to the conference. I bought the ticket, and then I went by myself.

I was not disappointed. They explained that in the early 1900's only 1 in 10 'teenagers' went onto high school education. Instead they became homemakers or went into the workforce. So they were responsible enough back then to do all the things I am currently doing now, but society today has set a standard that is so low we can barely expect our children (or teens) to make their bed and clean their rooms without the help of their mothers! Did you know the term teenager was coined by Reader's Digest in 1941? That means that before my mother, there never even existed a teenager! I am helping to raise only the third generation of teenagers that has ever existed.

What struck me was how much our teens are encouraged to know, but not encouraged to do anything with it. Take for example the computer age. Are you as internet, Facebook, text, computer savvy as your child? I am not. They are a part of the information age. I wish my memory served me better but, I recently learned that because technical information changes so quickly that in most four year programs by the time the student reaches the end of the fourth year, the first two years are already obsolete (sorry, I couldn't tell you which programs specifically). Also, these same teens, or adolesence are expected to make informed decisions regarding sex, safe sex, etc. but again not expected to be active members of society until after they have finished college or university.

Think about this: we have been called to be childish in the things that are evil, but mature in our thinking (1 Cor. 14:20). Instead what society is telling our children is be mature in evil, but childish in our thinking. Does this make any sense? Have you seen what passes for a 14A movies these days?

I can't put down everything I learned at the conference, but what I will tell you is what doing hard things looks like for teens and for myself.
1) Fight the sin in your life - self explanatory.
2) Battle discouragement and complacency - if you are not as good as the next person at doing something, don't quit. It may be easy for them, but you are the one who will actually be growing and become stronger. As for those who are content, just because you are already good at something, doesn't mean you don't need to try harder. Set the standard for excellence.
3) Do more than is required - push beyond expectations.
4) Get over your fear of failure - it's okay to fail hard things. You will gain more by trying and failing than by never trying at all. You will have already grown stronger just by failing.
5) Focus on the little things - the hardest thing to do is stay faithful to the small things which are still important. Spend time with God, keeping your place clean, do your school work, help your family.
6) Doing hard things is your best life - it is not the same as an easy life.

There is really so much more. I recommend checking these guys out if you can.

How Can You See?

2010-06-05T07:33:00.000-06:00

You have a plank in your eye! I was reading an interesting blog post by Sarah Markley called Walls of Grace. She describes the communication process between her and a friend in which their understanding of one another as being drastically altered by a filter known as a figurative wall of baggage. It is the lens by which I receive what you are saying, and then sift it through all previous life experiences, good or bad, healthy or unhealthy, in order to translate it to myself. It is part of this 'wall' which forms the plank that is in my eye (Matt 7:5). This plank alters what I can see and is the reason I do not see some things clearly.

Living with partial blindness. I Compensate. Ask anyone who is blind what it is like to be blind and they will tell you that to them it is normal because it is all they have ever known. But because they cannot see, they have compensated by using their other senses to a higher degree than a seeing person can because they so clearly rely on seeing. But I only have partial blindness (figuratively speaking), so I rely on other actions to make up for what I lack. This could be previous experience, knowledge based on study or being taught, asking for help...you get the picture.

Dislodging the plank. It is difficult to dislodge something that has been a part of me for as long as I can remember. Because of the compensation tools I have been using I have managed to get by under the radar without many people noticing my partial blindness. A couple of days ago God wiggled the plank and I saw something I've never acknowledged before. He allowed me to try and navigate myself out of a mess of my own making. You see a friend asked for my help, and rather than help her I tried to make sense of her asking for something I wasn't willing or wasn't able to do. I got upset, I tried to rationalize, and then I asked the most absurd question "why are you asking for help?" Thank God for Jesus or I would have no way of ever getting over myself. In His gentle manner, He wiggled the plank so I could see what I wasn't seeing before, and I saw a little blinding light.

Splinter the plank. My plank has many words carved into it, and one of them says insecure and another says fear. I will try and convince you that if I can't or won't deliver what you need, then you probably don't need it. In my insecurity I don't want to feel like I am less than I already see myself, and in my fear I will rationalize and over analyze until I am okay with myself and then try to convince you that you are okay with me too. But when I wiggle the plank I dislodge the sliver that is insecurity and realize the motives that cause the actions. I'm not judging you, I'm judging me but it hurts you (and I realize it hurts me). A wiggle more and the sliver that is fear falls away to reveal I am not enough, and never will be, I am not meant to be enough. I am not meant to complete any thing or any one. I am meant to be incomplete so that I would rely on God to supply what is necessary to accomplish His goals.

A smaller plank. I cannot completely removed the plank from my eye yet. But I have removed fragments. I am unable to recognize the other words written on it. I know the word forgiveness is written on there somewhere, I just haven't found it yet.

I'm Not Against Divorce

2010-06-03T17:13:00.000-06:00

I just don't think it's an option, there is a difference. Divorce is where you end up, not a plan B if plan A does not work out. Plan A is the good idea it was that I got married in the first place and the following plan would be in planning for our future. I remember listening to a radio show (Dr. Laura), over 12 years ago. A man had called in and asked Dr. Laura if he should sell his apartment now that he was married and living with his wife, or... should he keep it in case it doesn't work out?! I don't believe I would make good decisions in my life if I continually had a back up plan. Chances are good I would not toil and strain like my life and future depended on it if I had a safety net present. I will share a few examples.

I used to sell Mary Kay. I purchased the largest or second largest business starter package, mostly because it gave me a bigger discount. Now that I am writing this I see I had two back up plans for this one. First of all, if I couldn't sell it then at least I could use it. So there was no waste, and you know how I feel about waste. Second, my husband was making enough money for me to be able to stay home with our daughters and NOT have to work. I did this because I was needing to feel important and worthy (a different post), so I didn't have to provide for my family. So there was no depending on the success or failure of my attempts.

What if I'm not a good parent or don't like my kids? Have you ever heard someone say that if it doesn't work they will simply put their kids up for adoption? I understand there are those who didn't plan for parenthood and therefore adoption was an option to start with, but I'm actually talking about going into parenthood on purpose. You don't start with a backup plan for parenting. You are aware that there will be tough times, especially if you grew up from a small child and are now an adult. You will remember what you thought, felt, and did during those years. You may blame your parents for not being strict enough or for being too strict. You may thank your lucky stars that you turned out as good as you did in spite of your upbringing! In which case you will choose to either raise your kids differently or the same as how you were raised depending on how you feel about it now. I can tell you that right now I am scared to death of going through the high school years ahead of me, but I am not getting rid of my kids because it's an option (it's not an option is it?)

I am no stranger to divorce. In fact I am a child of twice divorced parents. Even before I accepted Christ I knew that I was not going to allow divorce to be an option. Again, what I mean is that I told my husband that if he thought he was going to leave for any reason, I would make his life a living hell and not give him the divorce, so he may as well try and make it work if he was going to live with me for the rest of his life anyway! That in no way means that he was going to bend to always see things my way, although at the time I may have secretly thought so. I will admit that I am a coward and therefore the chances I would ask for a divorce are minuscule to non-existent. I have admitted before that at one point I asked for counselling and my husbands reply was "I'm happy, if you're not then you get counselling and if the counsellor thinks I should come in, then I will." You'll have to go back to the post to see what happened but I will tell you we are better off now than they were seven years ago. We've now been married 17 years and looking forward to more.

But I am not against divorce. Your decisions are not my decisions. I have no right to make you see it my way, and it is only my way as long as I am here, walking on this side of divorce. My stand to not have divorce as an option is my stand now. I can only hope that I will still stand firm should I be faced with the dilemma and the heartache of a possible divorce. If I did end up in such a place it would be because I ended up there, not because it was an option I could use all along if it didn't work out.

Stand By Your Man

2010-05-31T07:21:00.000-06:00

The words of a country song. Stand by your man. I was thinking of a conversation I had with a friend a couple days ago. She has hit a rough patch in her marriage relationship. As with all rough patches, you look around you for some guidance, some example of what it is you are looking to imitate and change about the perceived problem. When trying to explain your feelings, you rely on examples of others to get your point across. I keep going back to what she said, "did you see that guy? He never left his wife's side."

The lies we believe. I'm sure she admired the way the husband appeared to stick close to his wife's side and appear as a couple. They came to the function together and remained together and then left together. I admire it too. My husband is in a business where he often leaves my side to go and "work the room" with his customers. It is important to his business for his customers to feel they have my husbands interest, attention and priority. That he acknowledges and serves them. This does tend to spill over into our personal life as well, like at dinner parties. Which is where we were when she noticed and admired what she saw. What my friend does not know is that this particular guy has a bit of a social anxiety issue, not a diagnosed one by me anyway, just a perceived one that comes from knowing this couple for many years. This guy does not mingle. Should his wife have left his side, he would have stayed firmly planted on the outskirts of many conversations, closest to the exit. At times he can be seen standing by himself, appearing the loner. So my question is Who was standing by whom?

Looks can be deceiving. Many times we look around at what others have and we secretly covet. We secretly wish our husbands would look for us across a crowded room, that they would seek us out and find us. We also look to other relationships and see what we don't want to see and try to quickly remove these behaviors from our own public relationship, from the scrutinizing eyes of others. But if we could learn anything from watching those around us it should be that not everything is as it appears. The couple that looks blissfully happy in our eyes, may actually be acting for the benefit of others watching because they are embarrassed that at home they can't make their relationship work. They can't make it work for them the way it looks like it is working for those couples they watch and covet. We are all play acting for the benefit of those watching aren't we? We don't want to be judged by our own standards. When we discipline our children in front of our peers, does it look the same as when we are alone at home and no-one is watching? If your answer is yes, then good for you. Your integrity is completely intact and I admire you. I however am not that person. I wish I was, but I confess to you right now that I am not.

The truth is...I may be acting a certain way to make myself believe (as well as you) that everything is as it appears. But if my husband does not also act in compliment to our little play, then what you see may not be what you get. What you see is that I go along with everything my husband does and says and that I am in agreement with it. What you get is an overwhelming feeling of insecurity in your own marriage because it does not look like mine. And then you ask yourself "what is wrong with me? Why am I such a bad wife? Why do I let these things bother me when they don't bother her? And they look really happy?" What I know is that I have resented a few women in my life for the behaviour of their husbands because they did not react to it the way I might have, or might want to. I then judged myself for handling any similar circumstance differently and tried to change to be a better wife, just like the one I am watching.

What I learned is that I was deceived by what I saw, I believed the lie I was seeing and trying to live up to the standards of the lie, only to be set free of such a prison when I learned the truth. The truth that the women I was resenting were in counselling with their husbands or on their own because they were unhappy and near the end of their rope, ready to call it quits. There is only one standard I should be trying to live up to. God's standard. It does not lie, it does not deceive, it does not judge. It is timeless and relevant in any situation.

My regret is that I am failing at showing you just how well God's plan for my life works in every circumstance and situation because I just keep getting in the way...

I am linking with Marriage Mondays over at Come Have A Peace. Head over and check it out!

Words of Wisdom

2010-05-27T14:05:00.000-06:00

Today's blog is actually a combination of other blogs I read today. They are all for women who feel like they aren't loved anymore, not wanted anymore, are in tough places in their marriages and the words of wisdom that either got them through it or are in the process of getting them through. Please take the time to check these out for yourself or for someone you know that may need to hear it.

Thank you.

I visited Like A Warm Cup of Coffee with Sarah Mae and found Tales From the Motherhood by Wendy and both of these women are saying all the things I wish I could find words for but just can't organize them. Please check them out for yourself.

It's Like You Don't Even Know Me

2010-05-26T15:13:00.000-06:00

I'm talking to myself. I still don't know me. I'm still creating. I'm working on discarding the parts of me I have acquired that don't belong, and instead trying to grow the fragments that have been here and simply ignored. I know there are many pieces that when all combined are what make me who I really am. Pieces I tried to hide, and ones I've only just now discovered.

I like to know things. Anything. It might come in handy. I don't like feeling inadequate. I don't like incompetence in others. That's really harsh, but it's because I want to feel like if I can't do it then surely there is somebody around me who can. I'm serious, about myself. I'm not much of a jokester so don't play a prank on me. It will probably make me cry. And don't laugh when you think I'm stupid, it will definitely make me cry and I may lash out causing both you and I to cry, and all bystanders will feel uneasy and uncomfortable.

I over think so many things. Knowledge is power but it is also crippling. Knowing too much can cause fear and so can knowing too little. I want wisdom and discernment to lead and teach and impart on others (when they ask: still working on waiting until they ask). But knowing or discerning ahead of time means understanding what is coming and having no power to do anything about it. I can't make you listen. I can't make you want to listen. But still I seek more wisdom and more knowledge, and still I pray for discernment.

I feel trapped. Trapped by the bookends of 8 a.m. and 4 p.m. I don't accomplish anything outside of my self made prison because I am here for those who want or need me. I haven't quite figured out where I fit in. I'm learning how to serve my family and yet still grow. I work in extremes. I go too far one way and then too far the other. I don't think I really understand love. I try to do for my family what I won't let them do for me. I don't share my dreams in case someone thinks they are silly, but I encourage dreaming in others.

I don't like waste. Waste of food, waste of space, waste of time, water, electricity, resources, talent, moments, and dreams. Any way you look at it, it is still just such a waste. If I learned something in the process of wasting then it wasn't a complete waste. A mind is a terrible thing to waste. Sometimes I feel like my mind is wasting. My constant musings and barrage of thoughts, insights and learning are ebbing away my mind like erosion. They flow too fast for the corners of my mind to contain, so I lose a little bit every time I can't write it down.

I have recently discovered that I like to write. If you ask what I like to write about, I probably cannot articulate it. I blog my thoughts. I think in blog. Every life experience is blog worthy and has a lesson, but I don't always have my laptop handy. It is also just plain rude to take notes on my Blackberry while I am visiting. I may even want to write a book one day, or a study. I want to share so much, but only if you ask.

This is only a part of me.

Food For Thought

2010-05-14T06:30:00.003-06:00

Beware the Unfamiliar Grain!

Most people aren't aware that corn is actually a grain. We consume it as a vegetable with our meals as part of a balanced diet. But now that you know, there are some ugly truths about this grain that you need to keep in mind when making healthy decisions for you and your family.

Corn is high in sugar, and what do we know about sugar? If you eat too much of it, your body will convert it to fat and store it somewhere others will eventually be able to see it. Corn does not really have much in the way of health benefits anyway other than vitamin C, but you can get that from other vegetables like broccoli and asparagus. I don't know if you've noticed, but corn comes out looking the same as it did going in, which means it didn't get broken down and used by your body. You pretty much just borrowed it for its sugar. So if you are sitting pretty because you rarely eat corn on the cob or canned/frozen corn, consider this:

Corn in its processed state comes in the form of corn syrup, fructose, high fructose corn syrup, corn oil, cornmeal, cornstartch, dextrose, MSG, zanthan gum, and maltodextrin. These sweetners account for 55% of sweetners in our food (Dr. Mercola's Total Health Program, 2005).

Have you looked at the ingredient labels on the food you buy lately? I mean really looked? Apple Cinnamon Cereal have degermed corn meal, corn starch, corn syrup as ingredients number 3, 4 and 5. Corn Flakes? Name says it all. (By the way, these are in my pantry right now - good thing I am reminded of why I also cut back on corn as a grain and now I remember what else I was looking for on the food label!). The crackers in my pantry also have 'enriched' flour (remember that one?) and corn maltodextrin, my sodium reduced beef broth contains MSG and hydrolyzed corn, the mocha frappe mix my daughter just loves contains corn syrup solids as its first ingredient! I'm not going to name names, but go have a look at the sauces in your fridge that you put on your food.

So if you are trying to lose some weight and you feel that you have cut enough fat from your diet to accomplish this task, think again. By cutting excess sugar you will be cutting even more fat (because the sugar won't be converted to fat), and now that you know where to find all the hidden sugar you are more informed when trying to make healthier food choices for you and your family. Remember that knowledge is power. Which leads me on my next rabbit trail of thoughts . . . if corn is the sweetner I am using and I need to avoid it, what can I use instead?

How about I let this sink in for a while, go clean my pantry, and when I come back I will have some new ideas to share. . .

Learning To Be A Daughter

2010-05-11T09:36:00.000-06:00

I missed not being able to blog my musings last week. As I was constantly pondering and planning for my thoughts on mother's and Mother's Day, I was at a loss without having somewhere to put them. Better late than never. . .

I was distracted with my thoughts while watching my kids go about their daily chores and activities. I was observing the cleaning of the kitchen after supper and was pleased to find the food scrapings going into the compost bucket, not the disposal unit, and can say that such a little thing made me feel truly loved and respected. The people I share a home with and love so much were, without knowing it, filling me up with such admiration and warm fuzzy affection for them that it was overflowing and would later be displayed as hugs and professions of great love with the possibility of little gifts for no reason.

It occurred to me I was discovering one of my love languages, acts of service. I never thought it was my language, I always leaned towards words of affirmation because being a stay at home mom, there is no pay scale to show that your work is improving, or a large cash bonus once a year as a thank you for a job well done. A simple "you're doing a good job" from hubby or another parent who witnessed some great act of selflessness from one of my daughters would suffice!

Anyway, I realized that I really felt loved by my family when I could see them doing things the way they were taught because it mattered to me. They might not agree with or understand the things I do and why I do them, but they were doing them because I asked. These are their acts of service. I have often felt terribly disrespected if the minute I turned my back they were throwing recyclables in the garbage, or not using food waste for compost but instead flushing them! (It all has to do with healthy eating and living and preserving a world for my kids and their kids, etc.)

It suddenly occurred to me that I didn't know what made my mother feel respected and loved! I don't think I have ever known, isn't that terrible? Now that I am not living in her home it is a little difficult to have the same acts of service that my kids were demonstrating to me. So I called Mom. After a long meandering conversation I was informed a phone call from her kids was all she asked for. I admit that sometimes I don't call for a whole week, but on the other hand I do see Mom every week on Sundays for dinner. She lives walking distance from my house (not that I walk over there) and therefore we have the privilege of being able to see each other anytime.

Two things struck me. First, I wonder if my mom really knows what makes her feel loved, secure, important and respected by her family. I'm 38 years old now, and I'm sure the compost and recycle thing will eventually be enough to fill me up and then my love language will morph into another area I hadn't previously realized was there. My point is that I am only now beginning to recognize what is important to me, what I really like and dislike, and I have been guessing my love language for the past 10 years since I heard about it. I'm not sure it's ever been broken down for my mom like this. She is a real thinker like I am, and I'm sure she'd be surprised to find out what really makes her feel special!

Second, I am learning from my daughters how to be a daughter (I can't believe it took me 38 years-sorry Mom).

Happy belated Mother's Day Mom.

Food For Thought

2010-04-30T06:30:00.002-06:00

Vastly Reduce Your Grains and Sugars

Baby steps I say! Part of the healthy lifestyle I started a few years back involved knowing what actually makes something healthy. So in an effort to remind myself why I reduced my grains and sugars, I am going to teach YOU as a way to put it back in my memory banks. Are you ready?

What is so bad about grains? Not all grains are bad. They got a bad rap a few years ago with the low carb diet craze. Taking all carbs out of your diet helped you to lose weight quickly, but boy did your energy levels suffer. I didn't go into any great research about any fad diets in particular, instead I figured it was best to know how eating carbs affected me. So in my last post I told you that fat didn't make you fat, and instead it was the storing of excess carbs and sugars in the form of fat that actually contributes to being overweight. So if I reduced my intake of breads, pasta's, white rice, etc. then I should likely be reducing the necessity to store it in the form of fat. Good point.

What grains can I eat then? Well first off, it should be whole wheat (or whole grain). And don't you believe it's whole wheat just because the package says so, check the label. Enriched whole wheat is not the same thing! (Basically, wheat is stripped of all of its nutritional properties in order to give it a longer shelf life, but it is then 'enriched' with a scientifically created laboratory version of what you just removed!) Sprouted grains are a more digestible carbohydrate that your body can use. By sprouting the grain before using it, you are in fact removing the 'phytates' which contain enzyme inhibitors. These enzyme inhibitors actually block the absorption of the minerals and enzymes you thought you were eating. Bummer, you were really onto something and trying so hard to eat better!

So where do I find sprouted grains? I don't actually sprout them myself, I buy bread that is made with sprouted grains already. I've heard of something called Ezekiel bread and even Ezekiel Cereal from some of my reading, but I buy my bread at Costco and the local supermarket. It's called Squirrelly bread, but there are others too. I reduce my intake of grains by only having bread once a day. I either plan to have a sandwich for lunch or toast for breakfast.

So now for sugars! I think the obvious processed white sugars and sugary foods is a no brainer. We've been told by our moms for years to lay off the sugar. But what about natural sugars? Like the sugar found in table sugar (sucrose), milk (lactose), maltose and others? They are found in foods like grains, potatoes, corn, and noncultured dairy products. These foods are not as easily digestible (unless they've been soaked, sprouted, and/or fermented) so avoid them where possible and instead choose foods like fruits, vegetables, nuts, seeds, fermented or sprouted grains, and dairy products. Sugar is found in these foods as well but the sugar is a 'single' sugar, or the food has been prepared in a way that converts the sugar to a single sugar so they are more easily digested.

( A real cool thing about the Squirrelly bread is that the bag it comes in oxo-biodegrades into naturally occurring components! You'll find that when you know more about what makes certain foods healthier than others, it starts to spill over into other areas of your life like a healthier environment.)

Well that about does it for what my mind can handle for today. So now I remember why I was eating sprouted grains in the first place and why I was reducing my sugar, but while I'm still thinking it occurs to me that there is an unfamiliar grain I learned about that is actually converted to sugar and we consume it daily without realizing it. I'll tell you about it next time . . .

Lost In Translation

2010-04-28T09:20:00.000-06:00

I can't be entirely sure what today's post is really about. It starts off with taking my mom and sister to a Beth Moore simulcast on the weekend, which felt like a little bit of a disaster. I have never been to one myself but I thoroughly enjoy her bible study teaching. I began reading her book "So Long Insecurity", which seemed a fair bit lighter than her studies, and it really resonated with me and all the conversations I've had over the years with my mom and sister. I thought it would be a good opportunity to introduce them to Beth. I was wrong. It was too preachy for them, and I'm not sure if I couldn't enjoy it because I was secretly praying that they would get something, anything, out of her message that they could take home and chew on, or if it was because I had completely different expectations of what it would be about.

You know there is really so much confusion about what the bible is really saying, it amazes me how people who have no foundation at all, can truly understand what God did for us when He gave us his son. If there is no foundational teaching about old testament sacrifices for redemption and forgiveness, what difference would it make to someone that "the lamb of God" was "sacrificed" and "pierced for our transgressions?" Those of us who have grown up with either bible teaching or raised in a home with Christ centered parents, don't realize the vocabulary we use can be confusing, overwhelming, and most certainly misinterpreted. Here us an example:

While at the simulcast my mom was flipping through the NLT bible I had purchased for her when I became a Christian. First mistake, don't take a bible that is not the same translation as the one the speaker is using... it's really hard to follow. We were in the book of Ephesians and because I think Mom was already a little lost she began to scan the surrounding pages. So she turned the page to find an explanation of God's plan for the husband in marriage. Yikes! My mom, who was divorced from my (now deceased) alcoholic father was reading "he is to be the head of his wife...", to which she replied "who says this stuff is true anyway?" We were in the middle of the conference so I couldn't exactly begin explaining to her God's plan for unity as described in the bible. Further down the page as she scanned she read "He must love his wife as he loves himself", now that IS true (my mom pointed out). These were not the actual verses she read (Eph. 5:21-33), but was a commentary explaining the concepts.

So how do you explain to others the value of God's plan for unity? How do you explain to friends, family, or anyone that the bible is timeless and in fact is still relevant if the one verse that is most used and abused is their sticking point for even bothering to read the rest of the bible? Do you constantly raise your voice and proclaim that Jesus is the way? If the only thing a person, who has never read the bible, understands is that Christianity or believing in God means giving up freedom and fun, giving all of their money to crooked T.V. evangelists, or submitting to another human being and letting them control you while quoting scripture, do you proclaim that Jesus is the way?

In my opinion, no. You live it. Authentically. When you are on display and you know you are on display, that is when you are most tempted to do the right thing, or say the right verse, or act the right way. But when you think no-one is watching, when you think it doesn't matter how you behave, that is when you are really seen for who you are and what you truly believe. I am not called to bring people to Christ, only God can do that. I am called to live a life that expresses my authentic relationship with Christ "in such a way that it produces a yearning for God in the lives of others."(Oswald Chambers) You can't produce that yearning in others if you are in fact trying to produce that yearning. If your life does not reflect a genuine Christ like attitude, it is evident to all watching.

Does my attitude permeate all areas of my life or just the areas people see when I'm at church? When I am out with people who don't know I am a Christian, do they quickly figure it out? Why? Is it because of my actions, my attitudes, my words?

The way I follow Christ is between me and God and my willingness to obey His word for the purpose of learning. Hopefully, I am growing closer to God and Christ-likeness every day because I have an authentic relationship with Him. If my words or my actions make someone feel guilty, judged or hopeless in their life, then I may be trying to convert them to my own point of view and God's purpose for their lives as well as His love demonstrated, may be lost in translation. . .

Selfishness vs. Sacrifice

2010-04-22T15:32:00.000-06:00

Today was my day, MY day! According to my plan, today is supposed to be my day and I can do what I want with it, or do nothing at all. I am pulled in many directions on the other four days of the work week, and my time is not my own once my kids and husband are home after school and on weekends. To tell the truth, today is the one day where I may choose not to answer my phone if I see you calling because I can be chatty and could end up chatting my day away. MY day!

Yesterday during "Daniel" by Beth Moore, she pointed out the difference between selfishness and sacrifice. To drive her point home she quoted 2Tim. 3:2-5 as a good description of those people who are selfish. She indicates that those people are the worldly people we should watch out for. As a matter of fact, the very last sentence in that verse states "Have nothing to do with them." Well okay then.

How about sacrifice? Well I guess it is the opposite right? Self-less.

Today I was schooled.

I didn't drive my kids to school today, it was warm enough to walk. I was planning to get dressed once the kids left, do my Daniel study for today, run a few short errands that would have me home in plenty of time for a few chores, and then the rest of the day (at least until kids came back!) was going to be mine. I've been waiting for this day all week. Mine, mine, mine.

I texted a friend because she had something I needed for a fellow kickboxer. She could get together after lunch for coffee she said. I haven't seen her in a while, she no longer kicks with me. I assured her that we could meet another time, but definitely before Monday morning, after all, today is my day. No can do, she is going out of town tomorrow and not back until Sunday. Well that is a problem. "Well how is our friend doing? Maybe you and I could meet half way and stop in and see her as well?" You know, kill two birds with one stone.

So I check with my other friend to see if we can see her. She is sitting in emergency with her husband . . . again. You see, he thought he had gout, but it turns out he has an infection and he has to be driven to the hospital three times a day for intravenous antibiotics, for 10 days. Add this to the fact that my friends dad has just been permanently admitted to the hospital so she is in charge of cleaning out, selling, storing, and giving away most of his possessions and releasing the rent on the place by the 30th. He has a form of dementia and has acquired quite a bit of stuff over the years, doubles, triples, even quadruples of the same stuff he probably didn't realize he already had or he forgot. It's so much work and she's been at it for weeks now, almost 24/7! My friend still has one daughter living at home while going to school, as well as she is the only non-employed sibling with sole responsibility for care of her dad and his place landing on her, oh and I forgot to mention, her mom is legally blind and needs to be taken to appointments, taken grocery shopping, and just a plain old visiting because she cares, at least once a week.

Now I am thinking "well there goes my day", yet something in me really wants to go to her and just hang out (if she's home) and maybe encourage her a bit so she has the energy to get through all of this for another week. I remembered how good it felt when I was in the hospital and my friends came to visit me, I felt loved and now I wanted her to feel loved. But darn it, when will I have the time?

What a hypocrite I am! Like the verse says, stay away from me! Verse 2 reads: "People will be lovers of themselves," Holy Macaroni, that's me! What am I thinking? I have a day off and I can't find time to comfort a friend or at least visit? Thank goodness God is on my side. I could have easily believed the lie that I was too busy, and I could have made myself busy too. I could have made myself busy with unimportant things, and my friend would have understood. She has never asked anything of me and she was asking nothing of me today.

But God was. I was feeling convicted of my selfishness. My blog could wait. It waited this long, what's the big deal. So I set a plan in action. I was still meeting friend number one, but she was coming with me to friend number 2's house, and I was bringing lunch. Not just enough for the four of us (husband too), but enough for left overs because they were constantly going to be in and out for days. What ever you do, don't leave me a comment and tell me what a good thing I did, it wasn't much of a sacrifice. I could have done way more. Truthfully, the first friend does the most for all of us, she is the example I want to follow. She is completely self-less, and. . . she never complains.

These are my models. These two friends are a perfect example of sacrifice. I am sorry that I even wondered where I could fit time for me into my day. I am not dealing with what they are dealing with, I am not half as busy (at least not with important stuff). I confess I was only thinking of myself. Oh thank goodness God is on my side.

So thank you my friends. Not only are you busy with real stuff, and important too, but you took the time to show me what sacrifice really looks like. I am more thankful than you can know.

Food For Thought

2010-04-16T06:30:00.005-06:00

Fat Doesn't Make You Fat

Isn't that good news! I know that we are always checking the labels of everything that we purchase or put into our mouths at restaurants. We memorize as much as we can about the foods we normally eat, and The Canadian Food Guide tells us we are allowed to consume a certain amount fat in a day in order to still be considered a healthy amount. So we buy ourselves low fat versions of everything so that we can indulge in what we want in greater amounts with less guilt!

That is so untrue and it's a complete lie!

Have you been to the grocery store and standing in line is someone who is more than moderately overweight? Did you ever peer into their cart to compare foods and see what it is they are eating? For some it is obvious. You'll see bags of chips, dip, 2 litre bottles of pop, sugar cereal, ready made everything, and any junk food you can think of and all of this in bulk. This is not surprising. But have you also seen this same person with a cart full of mostly the same foods but in the 'low fat' version? How much of what is in the shopping cart is fresh fruit and veggies? We want our cake and eat it too you know, so we just buy the low fat version.

The truth is that even though there are all those low fat versions of the food we love, we are not getting any smaller or any smarter for that matter. We want to believe what the advertisers tells us because it is easier. It takes less time. It's healthy because it says so. Certain things are bad because a long time ago someone said it was bad, and we are still believing it. We don't really want to think for ourselves because we have enough to think about. We are too busy to really investigate everything we are being told because we are already investigating what our children are up to, what new car the neighbor has, who's having an affair, what happened on Glee last night!

When I was going through a particularly rough time mentally and was dealing with depression, I had to take the time to investigate what I really believed when people said "you are what you eat." I had so many side effects from trying medication that I felt my only resort was to see if I could change my diet and see if it would help. Which leads me to:

FAT DOES NOT MAKE YOU FAT
"Insulin is the fat building hormone in the body; therefore, increases in insulin cause increase in weight gain." (Dr. Mercola's Total Health Program) What increases your insulin? Here is a hint: what is it diabetics try to avoid consuming in order to maintain healthy insulin levels? Sugar. I'm not just talking white stuff that you put into your coffee, I'm talking sugar found in carbohydrates like some over processed grains, refined sugars, sugary foods, and starchy vegetables like potatoes.

What am I talking about?

Our bodies can only store so much carbohydrate, and so it has to convert it. Once our body burns the food we eat for energy we need immediately, it needs to do something with the extra food we ate. This is where insulin comes in. When we overload on carbohydrates from grains, sweets, and simple sugars found in fruit, our sugar levels spike. Our body compensates by sending insulin into the bloodstream to lower the sugar. How? By storing excess sugar as fat. Store it for what? A famine, you know, just in case. What else do you think your body should do with it?

Do you want to know what's worse than storing sugar as fat?

Insulin actually blocks the two hormones that are responsible for burning fat and sugar! These same two hormones, glucagon and growth hormone, also promote muscle development. That is your physiology lesson for today. Let me put it this way now that the lesson is done: "insulin produced from consuming excess carbohydrates promotes fat, and then wards off your body's ability to lose that fat and build muscle!" (Dr. Mercola's Total Health Program pg. 10)

Here is a real kicker. Insulin also causes hunger! It's a vicious cycle. You eat the wrong food, your sugar levels spike, insulin comes to the rescue to lower your sugar, it blocks the ability to burn fat and sugar, and now it realizes that your sugar level is low because it did such a good job that you need more sugar, so it makes you hungry!

This is my food for thought today. I've said I don't usually do anything just because someone says I should. I usually need to know why. Now you know why too. But don't just take my word for it, do some research.

Guess What I've Been Up To?

2010-04-14T06:30:00.001-06:00

If you are here reading this blog, and have visited before, you'll notice I've done some redecorating. I had one of my daughters help me out with picking new templates and trying them out last night. So if you had the misfortune of trying to check me out last night, it would have been a different scene every time you looked!

Anyway, in an effort to change things up a bit I am looking for some views. As in, can you still read without being distracted? Personally I'm not sold on it yet, but it helps get the creative juices flowing and I don't want to get too possessive and attached until I find the design that truly speaks to me.

It will probably get changed again in the near future, but that's just me. . .

Thank You

2010-04-13T06:30:00.001-06:00

Today's blog is a quick thank you. Thank you to those of you who have stopped by to read my blog, got here by accident, took a rabbit trail through some other blogs, or are just checking up on me to see what I'm up to.

I was inspired to write my thoughts in a blog by my friend Tyler over at Titus 2:3-5, and I continue to be inspired by those fellow bloggers who have taken the time to leave me a quick message, as well as those who have allowed me to see in a tangible way that they are taking an interest by signing up as followers. I often get comments from friends and the ladies in my Daybreak group when they have read something amusing or interesting and want to share with me what they think offline. Thank you all of the above.

I would like to leave comments for all those who leave comments with me, and as soon as I figure this thing out a bit better I will do just that. Like if you leave a comment and I reply back in the comment window, will you get the message or will you have to come back to my blog to see it? I admit, I'm still just a baby.

I am thoroughly enjoying blogging and sharing and learning with all of you. I included through links in this message just a few of the blogs who visit me and I have also visited, (I check them all out, I just don't always leave messages) and I encourage anyone stopping by to check out not only these but any blog that I have linked to my site. I hope they will all encourage you the way they all encourage and inspire me.

And don't forget to check back because I am always adding more!